I've spent the last few days recovering from a tummy bug. And although it's been less than fun, it's the first time I've slowed down in over 2 months. It was probably my body telling me not to forget about myself.
However, it got me thinking about all those little things I do every day. Things I don't give myself credit for. At the end of the day, sometimes I feel I didn't do enough. But my day is FILLED with little acts of love. Every second of every day, I'm doing things that hopefully make my boys feel loved and cared for.
Being sick has made me realize that, yes, I absolutely do need that time during the day to remember that I need some TLC too. But it's also got me missing those little things I do every day. What it is to be a mom.
Being a mom is holding a pacifier in your new baby's mouth while simultaneously trying to sneak in a few Z's.
Being a mom is taking a bite of the soggy gross half eaten cracker your toddler is so excitedly shoving in your face and trying to share.
Being a mom is watching Robin Hood 3 times a day since your baby was old enough to focus.
Being a mom is pacing your hallways and living room at 3 a.m. in an effort to console your newborn who just can't seem to adjust to this great big world.
Being a mom is cutting your toddlers dinner into chewable pieces and still worry about choking because he grabs 4 of those tiny pieces at a time.
Being a mom is having cold dinner every night.
...or shoveling your dinner in your mouth at lightning speed while you have a minute in between diaper changes.
Being a mom is melting at the simple gesture of your baby reaching their hand up to you while they sleep on your chest.
Being a mom is tripping over the same damn noise making toy 50 times a day. And also putting away said toy 50 times a day.
Being a mom is knowing all the words and singing along with every singing toy your kid has.
Being a mom is having your arm completely fall asleep while your baby sleeps on it and just sucking it up because he's finally asleep.
Being a mom is having entire conversations with your toddler as they babble excitedly all the jibberish they can think of.
Being a mom is sitting on the floor with your toddler and trying to read to them but only getting a few lines out before he comes and takes it to "read it himself."
Being a mom is loading your kids in and out of car seats multiple times a day.
Being a mom is making sure you don't leave the house without snacks.
Being a mom is obsessing over that tiny red bump on your baby's face.
Being a mom is wishing you could take any and all pain your child us feeling away and feeling crushed and helpless because you can't.
Being a mom is hearing your kid belly laugh and thinking there is no better sound in the world.
Being a mom is seeing peril everywhere in your house when your baby starts walking.
Being a mom is spending a busy tired day just wanting a "little breather" and then when you finally get one, all you can do is talk or think about your kids.
Being a mom is squeezing in 15 minutes of painting while your babies are somehow napping at the same time.
Being a mom is having cracked/dry/bleeding hands from washing and sanitizing bottles 50 times a day.
Being a mom is living your day in 3 hour increments so you can make sure your home in time to pump.
Being a mom is having to make loose plans with people because you can't ever be sure when your kids will nap or if they are going to have a bad day or be sick.
Being a mom is texting your mom friends for ideas at random hours because your child is teething and you've tried everything and they are still miserable.
I could honestly keep going all day about what I've learned about being a mom is my very short time as a mom so far. And I'm sure this list evolves with every passing year. I'm sure I could write a list when my boys are in their 30's and still have just as much to say. But the bottom line is, being a mom is filled with so many small gestures of love every day. I think those are the important ones. Those are the things that make our children feel safe, happy and loved.
Being a mom is tiring, exhausting, and full time but it is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced and I wouldn't change a fucking thing. I am beyond blessed to be able to experience motherhood and all the little things that make up being a mom.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Monday, December 14, 2015
Stretched too thin
I'm feeling a little worn out. Yeah yeah...I have a new baby...it's to be expected. But I literally have not slept more than 3 hours, maybe 4 hours at a time since Malcolm was born. And probably even before then since the last few months of pregnancy are so much fun and you have to pee every 3 minutes.
Honestly, it's not just the sleep deprivation (though, let's be honest, that doesn't help) but I feel like I'm being stretched too thin. I have no time to be "Nessa." I'm always "mom." Don't get me wrong! I WANT to be mom 99% of the time. And i know these early months are tough, especially when you have a 1 year old on the mix. And i do know it will get better. I just have to keep myself from breaking before I get to that point. I remember the early texts from Kari last year when she was at this stage. You feel like you're always screwing someone over.
This morning, my usually non-snuggly boy came to sit on my lap while he ate his snack and watched Robin Hood. I was absolutely in hog heaven. About a minute into our snuggle, guess who became distraught with hunger. Yup. The littlest. So I felt I just couldn't win thus morning. I had set Malcolm down for a minute to get a few moments in with Mase. But by doing that, Malcolm got upset. So I had to move Mase so I could go feed the little one. I have almost no time to be a wife. And even less time to be Nessa.
I'm really hoping taking an hour to work out will help me feel a little less stretched too thin. Even as I take a few minutes to write this, I'm holding a paci in with my pinkie and playing with Mase with my foot.
I need a recharge during the day. Bad. Of course with it being Christmas time, and with me needing dental work, we have no extra money for me to take my gym membership off of hold. And any spare moment I have goes to painting Christmas presents. Working out at home is not an option right now. Mentally, it just work. Too much happening in my house to focus. I need to leave the house. I need a gym right now. At least until I get in the habit of allowing myself an hour a day to recharge my mom batteries.
I loooove being mom! It's my favorite thing in the whole world!!!! When I'm not with my boys, I miss them terribly. Even if it's just for a few hours. But I still need a moment to remember my identity outside of mom. I never understood this as an infertile woman. But I get it now.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Pre Pregnancy Weight
I still have a long ways to go but I'm so proud of this saggy, stretched out body. So I will embrace it at every stage while I am working on regaining my strength!
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Overwhelmed!!!!!!
I'm still adjusting to this crazy life of having my 2 amazing boys! I won't lie, it tough some days. But I so love being a mom! I'm just struggling a bit on finding a little "me time" during my day. Just an hour or so where someone doesn't need something from me. I think I will be a better mom if I get that time in there!
I've officially hit my 6 week mark, however, my OB is right in the middle of moving practices. So I have to wait a bit for my follow up. I cannot wait to start working out again, especially knowing I am done having kids. My body is my own again!!! Well, aside from pumping milk for Mr. Malcolm. And, ooohh myyy Godddd, will I be happy when I can quit that!!! I'm pumping every 2-3 hours, or at least that's what I shoot for, and I am producing a shit ton of milk. Don't get me wrong. I am beyond thankful for that because with Mason, I struggled to pump even an ounce by about 2 months. And as of right now, I'm pumping about 50-60 oz a day.
But...
I HATE PUMPING! My boobs are trashed. They are sore and my nips hurt. Having your boobs sucked halfway down a funnel a million times a day is not a good time. Plus, it's insanely inconvenient when caring for 2 boys. But, it's all for my little man. I feel a bit more pressure to make it work this time than I did with Mason because keeping Malcolm healthy is vital. It could affect his surgery date if he isn't healthy enough or at a goods weight! So while it won't be the worst thing in the world of my supply runs out (Mase was a formula baby and did just fine), I just would like Malcolm to have the benefits of breast milk at least until his surgery in May. But the though of pumping until then makes my boobs want to shrivel up and fall off.
In other news, I had sort of a meltdown this morning. I got super overwhelmed. I felt like I was only doing a mediocre job at everything; being a mom, wife, cleaning, making sure kids have clean clothes... G does his fair share too, but he works so I tend to do most of the housework. It just works out well that way for us. But today, G asked me to get WHOLE wheat bread instead of just "wheat" bread and I broke down. I took it as me not being good enough. I was already feeling overwhelmed. Malcolm does not like to be set down...at all. So when I set him down, he cries and I feel like a shitty mom. But when I'm holding him nonstop, I feel like I can't play with Mason or address his needs fully and that makes me feel like a shitty mom. It doesn't always feel this way but some days are just harder than others. I know it will get easier as Malcolm gets a little older and even a little more independent. But right now, some days are just freaking hard.
And then I haven't slept in the same bed as G for about a month because one or the other of us is on Malcolm duty at night! And since he's at a stage where he just cries nonstop if you set him down, whoever is on Malcolm duty stays in the living room on the couch with him. I don't feel comfortable having him sleep in our bed with us because G is a HEAVY sleeper. So until Malcolm gets to the point where he will sleep in the co sleeper or rock and play, this is how we all get the most sleep...which still isn't very much, honestly. So I feel like I'm neglecting my hubs on top of being a bad mom. Me and G still need time to be a couple and not just mom and dad. I think that is important for our relationship too.
Like I said, I don't feel like this every day and I do know I'll find my groove but it's all still so new and I feel overwhelmed a lot right now! I think that's why taking an hour a day and working out or going to the gym will really help. I'll have that time to just focus on myself and to remind myself that while being a mom is by far, my favorite part of me, it's not the ONLY part and I deserve a little time to myself once in a while. And then I can get back to the craziness of my family with hopefully a refreshed state of mind.
Anyway, I should be using this time to sleep so I'm gonna go do that.
But...
I HATE PUMPING! My boobs are trashed. They are sore and my nips hurt. Having your boobs sucked halfway down a funnel a million times a day is not a good time. Plus, it's insanely inconvenient when caring for 2 boys. But, it's all for my little man. I feel a bit more pressure to make it work this time than I did with Mason because keeping Malcolm healthy is vital. It could affect his surgery date if he isn't healthy enough or at a goods weight! So while it won't be the worst thing in the world of my supply runs out (Mase was a formula baby and did just fine), I just would like Malcolm to have the benefits of breast milk at least until his surgery in May. But the though of pumping until then makes my boobs want to shrivel up and fall off.
In other news, I had sort of a meltdown this morning. I got super overwhelmed. I felt like I was only doing a mediocre job at everything; being a mom, wife, cleaning, making sure kids have clean clothes... G does his fair share too, but he works so I tend to do most of the housework. It just works out well that way for us. But today, G asked me to get WHOLE wheat bread instead of just "wheat" bread and I broke down. I took it as me not being good enough. I was already feeling overwhelmed. Malcolm does not like to be set down...at all. So when I set him down, he cries and I feel like a shitty mom. But when I'm holding him nonstop, I feel like I can't play with Mason or address his needs fully and that makes me feel like a shitty mom. It doesn't always feel this way but some days are just harder than others. I know it will get easier as Malcolm gets a little older and even a little more independent. But right now, some days are just freaking hard.
And then I haven't slept in the same bed as G for about a month because one or the other of us is on Malcolm duty at night! And since he's at a stage where he just cries nonstop if you set him down, whoever is on Malcolm duty stays in the living room on the couch with him. I don't feel comfortable having him sleep in our bed with us because G is a HEAVY sleeper. So until Malcolm gets to the point where he will sleep in the co sleeper or rock and play, this is how we all get the most sleep...which still isn't very much, honestly. So I feel like I'm neglecting my hubs on top of being a bad mom. Me and G still need time to be a couple and not just mom and dad. I think that is important for our relationship too.
Like I said, I don't feel like this every day and I do know I'll find my groove but it's all still so new and I feel overwhelmed a lot right now! I think that's why taking an hour a day and working out or going to the gym will really help. I'll have that time to just focus on myself and to remind myself that while being a mom is by far, my favorite part of me, it's not the ONLY part and I deserve a little time to myself once in a while. And then I can get back to the craziness of my family with hopefully a refreshed state of mind.
Anyway, I should be using this time to sleep so I'm gonna go do that.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Checking in!!! I'm still alive!!!
Hi! I'm still alive!!!!
As you can imagine, it's been a whirlwind since being home. At the moment, both boys are napping so I'm taking a bit of time to update.
We have struggled a lot with Malcolm's cleft palate and feeding. I knew it would be more difficult, but I guess I just didn't realize how much! Immediately when we got home, both boys got colds. For Malcolm, it was pretty scary because that cleft palate could potentially cause major issues since his sinuses are more open and obviously more susceptible to infection! Luckily, we got by with no major infections this time. But we are really hoping he stays healthy at least until his surgery. Otherwise, we may have to push it back and I'd really rather get it over with as soon as possible.
The major issue we had with him after we got home was weight gain. We left the hospital with basically no info and no one to call for support with his cleft palate! Luckily, an amazing nurse from the special needs pediatric department called us to check how we were doing! I was fighting back tears as I was talking to her on the phone because we had been so worried. Malcolm was basically peeing orange, which means dehydration and he was not getting any milk from a bottle or my boobs. The nurse had us come in immediately, even stayed late for us. She showed us how to use a special bottle that allows us to actually squeeze the milk into his mouth so he isn't relying on just his suck alone. Often with cleft palate, even with a great suck, they can't get a good seal in the back of the throat. It's been explained to me as trying to suck liquid through a straw with a hole in it. But that bottle has basically been a life saver and that nurse has kept in contact with us since then. I am so thankful for people like that that go above and beyond and truly care. Because we were feeling so lost!
She also got us all hooked up with the proper paperwork to attend the cranialfacial clinic next week at Dr. Santins practice. They will have surgeons, speech therapists, orthodontists, and all the other professionals required for cleft lip/cleft palate patients. We will mostly be talking with Dr. Santin and speech therapists since Malcolm's cleft is just in the soft palate. But I'm looking forward to getting some more information about all of this. I wish it weren't an issue at all, but since it is, the more information we have the better.
We are adjusting slowly to having 2 boys! When G goes back to work, I'm not sure how realistic it will be for me to continue pumping. It's already such a pain in the ass to stop what I'm doing every 2-3 hours and hook my boobs up to the torture device.. Oh, I mean breast pump for 20 minutes. I do have a nice supply of breast milk building up in the fridge though. I'm really trying to make it work though because for Malcolm especially, it would be beneficial for him to get some of my immunities from the breast milk until his surgery! We'll see how it goes though. Just one more thing for men to stress about, I suppose.
My eyeballs ache, I'm so tired. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I've wanted this exhausted to the bone feeling for many years and I finally have it! That's not to say it isn't really hard! I mean, I fell asleep feeding Malcolm last night! I woke up and the bottle was hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Lol. I've had nights where I've cried out of pure frustration and stress of not knowing what the hell I'm doing. I don't think I've slept longer than an hour or 2 at a time since I've been pregnant with Malcolm.
But it's all so worth it and I love my boys to pieces. When I look at Malcolm sleeping peacefully or when I hear Masons amazing belly laugh, I forget how exhausted to the bone I am because my babies are all I've ever wanted and they are finally here. And I know in the grand scheme, it's such a short time and while I can say I won't enjoyu every second of motherhood, I CAN say I will appreciate every second...the good and the not so good.
As you can imagine, it's been a whirlwind since being home. At the moment, both boys are napping so I'm taking a bit of time to update.
We have struggled a lot with Malcolm's cleft palate and feeding. I knew it would be more difficult, but I guess I just didn't realize how much! Immediately when we got home, both boys got colds. For Malcolm, it was pretty scary because that cleft palate could potentially cause major issues since his sinuses are more open and obviously more susceptible to infection! Luckily, we got by with no major infections this time. But we are really hoping he stays healthy at least until his surgery. Otherwise, we may have to push it back and I'd really rather get it over with as soon as possible.
The major issue we had with him after we got home was weight gain. We left the hospital with basically no info and no one to call for support with his cleft palate! Luckily, an amazing nurse from the special needs pediatric department called us to check how we were doing! I was fighting back tears as I was talking to her on the phone because we had been so worried. Malcolm was basically peeing orange, which means dehydration and he was not getting any milk from a bottle or my boobs. The nurse had us come in immediately, even stayed late for us. She showed us how to use a special bottle that allows us to actually squeeze the milk into his mouth so he isn't relying on just his suck alone. Often with cleft palate, even with a great suck, they can't get a good seal in the back of the throat. It's been explained to me as trying to suck liquid through a straw with a hole in it. But that bottle has basically been a life saver and that nurse has kept in contact with us since then. I am so thankful for people like that that go above and beyond and truly care. Because we were feeling so lost!
She also got us all hooked up with the proper paperwork to attend the cranialfacial clinic next week at Dr. Santins practice. They will have surgeons, speech therapists, orthodontists, and all the other professionals required for cleft lip/cleft palate patients. We will mostly be talking with Dr. Santin and speech therapists since Malcolm's cleft is just in the soft palate. But I'm looking forward to getting some more information about all of this. I wish it weren't an issue at all, but since it is, the more information we have the better.
We are adjusting slowly to having 2 boys! When G goes back to work, I'm not sure how realistic it will be for me to continue pumping. It's already such a pain in the ass to stop what I'm doing every 2-3 hours and hook my boobs up to the torture device.. Oh, I mean breast pump for 20 minutes. I do have a nice supply of breast milk building up in the fridge though. I'm really trying to make it work though because for Malcolm especially, it would be beneficial for him to get some of my immunities from the breast milk until his surgery! We'll see how it goes though. Just one more thing for men to stress about, I suppose.
My eyeballs ache, I'm so tired. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I've wanted this exhausted to the bone feeling for many years and I finally have it! That's not to say it isn't really hard! I mean, I fell asleep feeding Malcolm last night! I woke up and the bottle was hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Lol. I've had nights where I've cried out of pure frustration and stress of not knowing what the hell I'm doing. I don't think I've slept longer than an hour or 2 at a time since I've been pregnant with Malcolm.
But it's all so worth it and I love my boys to pieces. When I look at Malcolm sleeping peacefully or when I hear Masons amazing belly laugh, I forget how exhausted to the bone I am because my babies are all I've ever wanted and they are finally here. And I know in the grand scheme, it's such a short time and while I can say I won't enjoyu every second of motherhood, I CAN say I will appreciate every second...the good and the not so good.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
The Aftermath
I love it. I'm thankful I was able to carry my boys. I'm thankful for the experience, as hard as pregnancy was for me. And the toll it tool on my body was well beyond worth it. I know I will get discouraged trying to get back into shape, but even so, I still love this body for giving me such an amazing gift; my family.
My body will slowly transform down the road ad I work to become strong again, but it will never look the same as it did before my boys and I'm actually thankful for that. They are my "battle scars" and will be a constant reminder of what it went through.
So there it is. No filter or anything. Just my stretched out, mangled postpartum body in all its gloriousness!
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Birth Story
Well..he's here!!! After a very long, difficult pregnancy, our Mr. Malcolm is here. He also didn't want to wait, just like big brother. Only there was a very big sense of urgency this time. When I went into labor (at 37 weeks) with Mase, it was pretty slow going. It was pretty casual going into the OR for the c section. With Malcolm, it was freaking intense!!!! I'll just start at the beginning.
So we had put Mason down for bed and I decided to go lay down as I was feeling a bit crampy/contracty. I didn't feel like then contractions were too crazy. I had nights before when I felt more contractions than I had that night. But I noticed that I was having a few that were aa bit more intense so I casually thought, hey, I'll just track for a bit to see how frequently I'm having them. I rolled to my side, opened my contraction tracker on my phone and tracked one contraction and then felt a little "gush." But I knew right away what it was. Think of when you are having a heavy period and you stand up and feel a gush. But I knew when I stood up, there was going to be more. I just didn't know it would be THAT much more! Holy!!! I stood up and bam!!! It was like niagra falls!!! It felt so gross! There was all this warm liquid that just kept coming!!!!! Any time I thought it was done, I'd move a bit and a bunch more would come out!
Anyway, so I waddled to the bathroom, telling G on the way that my water broke. He jumped to action and called his parents to come grab Mase while I changed into something dry. When G's parents showed up, we took off to the hospital. About halfway there, I knew how fast labor was progressing! My contractions started to get pretty intense. By the time we got checked into the hospital, I couldn't talk through my contractions and was having them about every 2 minutes. They started to get more and more intense and closer together. Soon, they were back to back. I was experiencing transition labor. Malcolm was coming and they FINALLY rolled me into the OR and I cannot tell you now hard it was to sit still while contracting back to back as they were trying to do my spinal. I told the OB that I felt so much pressure and was going to need to push soon!!! But they FINALLY got the spinal in and I felt instant relief! I was soooo sweaty at this point from the intense, quick labor that my skin was drenched and so was my hair? They had ton add a shit ton of medical tape just ton get my iv to stick.
They let G back in and he told me I was an entirely different person than when they rolled me in there. Once the c section started, the OB informed me that I was all the way dilated and that Malcolm may have very well been a vaginal delivery had we waited just a little longer. They pulled Malcolm out and we heard his beautiful cry. I cannot explain how amazing that sound is. There is no experience to even compare it to. It is just one of the most beautiful moments I've ever experienced...with both kids!
After Malcolm's birth, the OB asked if I was sure about getting my tubes tied and after what I had just experienced, shit yeah, I was sure. Double knot those suckers!!!
I did get to see Malcolm in recovery, so that was a nice change from Masons birth experience! They rolled me back into our room after 30 minutes in recovery where I was insanely shaky. It eventually wore off but it was really annoying.
So that's that. It was quite the whirlwind. A little after Malcolm was born, we noticed he was making these gasping/gurgly type sounds. We mentioned it to the nurse and she found a cleft in his soft palate. Basically, it is part of the roof of his mouth that didn't form so it's just a big hole in the back of his throat! This has created lots of struggles with eating.
It bothers me a bit because it seems like people try to downplay this issue a lot. I'm aware that it is not the worst thing ever but I cannot tell you how hard it was to be sent home from the hospital with hardly any information on cleft palate. They push breastfeeding so damn hard that we weren't given information about how cleft palate can make breastfeeding very very difficult. In fact, we were told the opposite...that it could help with cleft palate. Well, guess what. It didn't and our baby lost over a pound and we were at home with no resources other than the internet and that can be a terrifying amount of information to try and sort through. Plus, who knows if it's a credible source or not!
So we suffered through a few nights of trying to figure out how to help our boy eat. He was a screaming mess. He couldn't get a good enough seal on the bottle or breast to actually suck anything out. He was peeing orange, meaning he was dehydrated, and he was losing weight fast.
Luckily, someone from the special needs clinic called us to check on us and thank the sweet lord she did!!! She had us come in to get a specialty bottle that was designed specifically for babies with cleft palate. Since that day, our little guy has been so content and is slowly gaining weignt.
Now why the hell weren't we informed about this bottle before we left the hospital?!? It would have saved a lot of pain and suffering. But nooooo! If they suggest a bottle, that means I won't be breastfeeding. Ugh. Guess what. I don't care about breastfeeding. I just want my baby to be able to eat. Anyway, so now I'm pumping and using the bottle to feed him and life is better for everyone!!
Ok. Well that's all I'm going to do for now. I keep trying to fall asleep so I'm going to let myself doze off for a bit with my baby!
So we had put Mason down for bed and I decided to go lay down as I was feeling a bit crampy/contracty. I didn't feel like then contractions were too crazy. I had nights before when I felt more contractions than I had that night. But I noticed that I was having a few that were aa bit more intense so I casually thought, hey, I'll just track for a bit to see how frequently I'm having them. I rolled to my side, opened my contraction tracker on my phone and tracked one contraction and then felt a little "gush." But I knew right away what it was. Think of when you are having a heavy period and you stand up and feel a gush. But I knew when I stood up, there was going to be more. I just didn't know it would be THAT much more! Holy!!! I stood up and bam!!! It was like niagra falls!!! It felt so gross! There was all this warm liquid that just kept coming!!!!! Any time I thought it was done, I'd move a bit and a bunch more would come out!
Anyway, so I waddled to the bathroom, telling G on the way that my water broke. He jumped to action and called his parents to come grab Mase while I changed into something dry. When G's parents showed up, we took off to the hospital. About halfway there, I knew how fast labor was progressing! My contractions started to get pretty intense. By the time we got checked into the hospital, I couldn't talk through my contractions and was having them about every 2 minutes. They started to get more and more intense and closer together. Soon, they were back to back. I was experiencing transition labor. Malcolm was coming and they FINALLY rolled me into the OR and I cannot tell you now hard it was to sit still while contracting back to back as they were trying to do my spinal. I told the OB that I felt so much pressure and was going to need to push soon!!! But they FINALLY got the spinal in and I felt instant relief! I was soooo sweaty at this point from the intense, quick labor that my skin was drenched and so was my hair? They had ton add a shit ton of medical tape just ton get my iv to stick.
They let G back in and he told me I was an entirely different person than when they rolled me in there. Once the c section started, the OB informed me that I was all the way dilated and that Malcolm may have very well been a vaginal delivery had we waited just a little longer. They pulled Malcolm out and we heard his beautiful cry. I cannot explain how amazing that sound is. There is no experience to even compare it to. It is just one of the most beautiful moments I've ever experienced...with both kids!
After Malcolm's birth, the OB asked if I was sure about getting my tubes tied and after what I had just experienced, shit yeah, I was sure. Double knot those suckers!!!
I did get to see Malcolm in recovery, so that was a nice change from Masons birth experience! They rolled me back into our room after 30 minutes in recovery where I was insanely shaky. It eventually wore off but it was really annoying.
So that's that. It was quite the whirlwind. A little after Malcolm was born, we noticed he was making these gasping/gurgly type sounds. We mentioned it to the nurse and she found a cleft in his soft palate. Basically, it is part of the roof of his mouth that didn't form so it's just a big hole in the back of his throat! This has created lots of struggles with eating.
It bothers me a bit because it seems like people try to downplay this issue a lot. I'm aware that it is not the worst thing ever but I cannot tell you how hard it was to be sent home from the hospital with hardly any information on cleft palate. They push breastfeeding so damn hard that we weren't given information about how cleft palate can make breastfeeding very very difficult. In fact, we were told the opposite...that it could help with cleft palate. Well, guess what. It didn't and our baby lost over a pound and we were at home with no resources other than the internet and that can be a terrifying amount of information to try and sort through. Plus, who knows if it's a credible source or not!
So we suffered through a few nights of trying to figure out how to help our boy eat. He was a screaming mess. He couldn't get a good enough seal on the bottle or breast to actually suck anything out. He was peeing orange, meaning he was dehydrated, and he was losing weight fast.
Luckily, someone from the special needs clinic called us to check on us and thank the sweet lord she did!!! She had us come in to get a specialty bottle that was designed specifically for babies with cleft palate. Since that day, our little guy has been so content and is slowly gaining weignt.
Now why the hell weren't we informed about this bottle before we left the hospital?!? It would have saved a lot of pain and suffering. But nooooo! If they suggest a bottle, that means I won't be breastfeeding. Ugh. Guess what. I don't care about breastfeeding. I just want my baby to be able to eat. Anyway, so now I'm pumping and using the bottle to feed him and life is better for everyone!!
Ok. Well that's all I'm going to do for now. I keep trying to fall asleep so I'm going to let myself doze off for a bit with my baby!
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Broken Record
I feel like I should update this thing but I'm just not sure what to say anymore without just repeating myself. I am 37 weeks and 3 days today, which is where I was when I had Mase. So after 11:45 pm, this will officially be the longest I've been pregnant
I'm just doing the waiting game now. I'm achy. My back is killing me. I'm exhausted. My crotch is sore and don't even get me started on the pressure in my pelvic region! I'm dealing with constipation. And still with the horrid heartburn. I must have had 40 bottles of tums during this pregnancy. My face is swollen along with my legs and...well, everything else. And in the last few days, I've really noticed the carpal tunnel flaring up. Yay. And I feel like I spend all day trying not to fall asleep while I spend all night TRYING to fall asleep.
But...
I've been reflecting, especially since last week. I installed Malcolm's carseat and for whatever reason, that's what made it real for me. I mean, really real. Like this is happening in less than two weeks! I sat there looking at both carseats in our truck and was hit with this wave of absolute and utter gratitude. 2 years ago, I had almost no hope left of having even 1 child. And here I am only 2 years later, about ready to bring home baby boy #2! It's incredible. We are days away from being done building our family! While it is bittersweet, I am so ready to just embrace the next phase.
The last 2 years have been tough. I feel like Masons pregnancy was mentally challenging and Malcolm's was more physically challenging. But even with all the hiccups, scares and challenges of pregnancy, I am still thankful for the experience as I am fully aware, that many are painfully denied this experience. But I can also now appreciate that pregnancy is damn hard! And stressful. And just because you are not a fan of pregnancy, that does not mean you can't appreciate the experience and be absolutely thankful for the end result! If I ever said anything during infertility to invalidate a pregnant woman's feelings, I sincerely apologize. I can admit when I am wrong...and I feel i may have been wrong in certain cases. Was it hard to hear someone complain about something I would do anything for? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have a hard time too. Pregnancy is hard. I think the key is to just know who you are complaining to. Talk to someone who can relate.
Anyway. See. I'm repeating myself! I know I've talked about a lot of this stuff already. I just feel like I might not be writing in here too much more until after Malcolm and wanted to have at least one more entry! However, now, it's sleepy time...hopefully!!!!
I'm just doing the waiting game now. I'm achy. My back is killing me. I'm exhausted. My crotch is sore and don't even get me started on the pressure in my pelvic region! I'm dealing with constipation. And still with the horrid heartburn. I must have had 40 bottles of tums during this pregnancy. My face is swollen along with my legs and...well, everything else. And in the last few days, I've really noticed the carpal tunnel flaring up. Yay. And I feel like I spend all day trying not to fall asleep while I spend all night TRYING to fall asleep.
But...
I've been reflecting, especially since last week. I installed Malcolm's carseat and for whatever reason, that's what made it real for me. I mean, really real. Like this is happening in less than two weeks! I sat there looking at both carseats in our truck and was hit with this wave of absolute and utter gratitude. 2 years ago, I had almost no hope left of having even 1 child. And here I am only 2 years later, about ready to bring home baby boy #2! It's incredible. We are days away from being done building our family! While it is bittersweet, I am so ready to just embrace the next phase.
The last 2 years have been tough. I feel like Masons pregnancy was mentally challenging and Malcolm's was more physically challenging. But even with all the hiccups, scares and challenges of pregnancy, I am still thankful for the experience as I am fully aware, that many are painfully denied this experience. But I can also now appreciate that pregnancy is damn hard! And stressful. And just because you are not a fan of pregnancy, that does not mean you can't appreciate the experience and be absolutely thankful for the end result! If I ever said anything during infertility to invalidate a pregnant woman's feelings, I sincerely apologize. I can admit when I am wrong...and I feel i may have been wrong in certain cases. Was it hard to hear someone complain about something I would do anything for? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have a hard time too. Pregnancy is hard. I think the key is to just know who you are complaining to. Talk to someone who can relate.
Anyway. See. I'm repeating myself! I know I've talked about a lot of this stuff already. I just feel like I might not be writing in here too much more until after Malcolm and wanted to have at least one more entry! However, now, it's sleepy time...hopefully!!!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
So poor...
Alright, Mr. Malcolm. I'm ready! I technically have 2.5 days left until I'm 37 weeks (aka, full term) but he's measuring a week ahead. So I'm ready. I'm sooooo ready.
Today was so stressful. It really made me realize how much work our health care system needs. I won't go into all the boring details but I'll just say that Garrett and I have not had a chance catch up, financial for years.
Hardly anything was covered through infertility treatments. We knew and accepted this. We gave up traveling and vacations so we could pursue treatments. Then when we finally get pregnant, we have the most expensive, high risk pregnancy known to man. Then I get pregnant unexpectedly, which is automatically high risk. Plus the other issues I experienced during this pregnancy ate much of our money...not to mention I haven't been able to work much of this pregnancy and a lot of the last one too. And the icing on the cake? I went to try and get me teeth fixed today and found out that it's going to be at LEAST $2000...out of pocket. Probably going to be closer to $5000. Who has that kind of effing money?!
Siiiggghhhhh....
This is another reason why I'm getting my tubes tied. People ask me if I'm sure I'm done or they'll tell me I'll change my mind but I won't. Because not only do I make a terrible pregnant person, but we want to be able to provide comfortably for our boys. And we'll be able to do that once we "catch up" on the last 9 years. I know there will always be financially setbacks but we are completely depleted right now.
It just shouldn't be this hard to make ends meet. Somethings gotta give...
So, Malcolm, mommy is ready when you are. I think you'll be cheaper to take care of once you are on the outside.
Today was so stressful. It really made me realize how much work our health care system needs. I won't go into all the boring details but I'll just say that Garrett and I have not had a chance catch up, financial for years.
Hardly anything was covered through infertility treatments. We knew and accepted this. We gave up traveling and vacations so we could pursue treatments. Then when we finally get pregnant, we have the most expensive, high risk pregnancy known to man. Then I get pregnant unexpectedly, which is automatically high risk. Plus the other issues I experienced during this pregnancy ate much of our money...not to mention I haven't been able to work much of this pregnancy and a lot of the last one too. And the icing on the cake? I went to try and get me teeth fixed today and found out that it's going to be at LEAST $2000...out of pocket. Probably going to be closer to $5000. Who has that kind of effing money?!
Siiiggghhhhh....
This is another reason why I'm getting my tubes tied. People ask me if I'm sure I'm done or they'll tell me I'll change my mind but I won't. Because not only do I make a terrible pregnant person, but we want to be able to provide comfortably for our boys. And we'll be able to do that once we "catch up" on the last 9 years. I know there will always be financially setbacks but we are completely depleted right now.
It just shouldn't be this hard to make ends meet. Somethings gotta give...
So, Malcolm, mommy is ready when you are. I think you'll be cheaper to take care of once you are on the outside.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Feeling Excited for Fitness!!!
I am daydreaming of being active again!!! Of having energy again!! And of getting my ass kicked again. I know it's going to be hard. Especially with my 2 Beebees. But I've done many difficult things in my life and I know being healthy is one of those things that is worth it and will ultimately benefit me and my family. G and I have agreed to set up times that we can each set aside to dedicate to ourselves.
I am also being realistic. I know i won't has as much time and/or energy like I did before so I will try not to get impatient and frustrated (yeah right. Lol) But seriously, I'm going to get back to it without the expectation that I will "bounce back" quickly. So many told me I would last time, and I didn't, despite my efforts. I was told the weight would "fall right off" and I hardly loat any after 1 week post partum.
I should have known better though. I don't want to use pcos as an excuse as to why I lose weight slowly, but I think there may be something to that. It took me a long time to lose weight before so I'm just going to do what I did before and put the scale away and focus on non scale victories. I have my fit bit ready to go again for when it's time as an extra little motivation. But the real motivation are my boys. And how amazing I feel when I am working on improving myself.
For now, I'll sit back and try to enjoy my last couple weeks for pregnancy. Then I'll focus on my recovery and figuring out how to juggle my babies. THEN I'll add in the fitness aspect. I'm hoping that by having some decent premade frozen meals, I can at least get back on board with the nutrition part.
I am also being realistic. I know i won't has as much time and/or energy like I did before so I will try not to get impatient and frustrated (yeah right. Lol) But seriously, I'm going to get back to it without the expectation that I will "bounce back" quickly. So many told me I would last time, and I didn't, despite my efforts. I was told the weight would "fall right off" and I hardly loat any after 1 week post partum.
I should have known better though. I don't want to use pcos as an excuse as to why I lose weight slowly, but I think there may be something to that. It took me a long time to lose weight before so I'm just going to do what I did before and put the scale away and focus on non scale victories. I have my fit bit ready to go again for when it's time as an extra little motivation. But the real motivation are my boys. And how amazing I feel when I am working on improving myself.
For now, I'll sit back and try to enjoy my last couple weeks for pregnancy. Then I'll focus on my recovery and figuring out how to juggle my babies. THEN I'll add in the fitness aspect. I'm hoping that by having some decent premade frozen meals, I can at least get back on board with the nutrition part.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Kids and Football
I'm not into sports. I never really have been. But it had never crossed my mind to not allow my boys to play football. However, that is where Garrett and I ate at right now.
Garrett, being from a small town, was into sports. He was especially into football. As a result, he had several concussions before the end of his high school days and I'm not sure how many other injuries that still affect him today, including a shoulder injury. All this before the age of 18. And for what? He certainly doesn't make a living off of football. A ll he has to show for such a rough sport is a 24/7 headache that he is convinced is from those numerous concussions he had. He's lived with this headache for almost 4 years now. It doesn't go away. Ever. He's been to about every specialist, including the Mayo clinic. Nothing has helped.
Aside from just Garretts stuff, I've seen stories in my news feed of MIDDLE SCHOOL football players being taken off the field on stretchers amd taken to the ER. High school students with multiple reoccurring injuries. Fresh college students whose potential football careers ended before they could even begin because they've injured themselves so much and had to have multiple surgeries in such a short amount of time.
I swear I'm not going to be that parent that never let's their child do anything fun because they **might** get hurt. But Garrett has opened my eyes to how scary football can be. There's no reason he should be showing my videos of gradeschoolers playing full contact football and knocking each other out.
Garrett lives every day with a headache
We don't want that for our boys. They can play baseball, basketball, track, golf, you name it. Just not football. I know injuries occur in any sport, but at least they aren't throwing themselves full force at one another intentionally.
I also want to clarify that I don't think it's wrong for people to allow their kids to play football. So please don't think that. There are plenty of kids who play football and are perfectly fine!!! =) Garrett just feels very strongly about this and I can't blame him. So I'm backing him 110%. But I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or that you're a horrible person if you do. This is just one thing we are choosing to be the overprotective parents about!
Garrett, being from a small town, was into sports. He was especially into football. As a result, he had several concussions before the end of his high school days and I'm not sure how many other injuries that still affect him today, including a shoulder injury. All this before the age of 18. And for what? He certainly doesn't make a living off of football. A ll he has to show for such a rough sport is a 24/7 headache that he is convinced is from those numerous concussions he had. He's lived with this headache for almost 4 years now. It doesn't go away. Ever. He's been to about every specialist, including the Mayo clinic. Nothing has helped.
Aside from just Garretts stuff, I've seen stories in my news feed of MIDDLE SCHOOL football players being taken off the field on stretchers amd taken to the ER. High school students with multiple reoccurring injuries. Fresh college students whose potential football careers ended before they could even begin because they've injured themselves so much and had to have multiple surgeries in such a short amount of time.
I swear I'm not going to be that parent that never let's their child do anything fun because they **might** get hurt. But Garrett has opened my eyes to how scary football can be. There's no reason he should be showing my videos of gradeschoolers playing full contact football and knocking each other out.
Garrett lives every day with a headache
We don't want that for our boys. They can play baseball, basketball, track, golf, you name it. Just not football. I know injuries occur in any sport, but at least they aren't throwing themselves full force at one another intentionally.
I also want to clarify that I don't think it's wrong for people to allow their kids to play football. So please don't think that. There are plenty of kids who play football and are perfectly fine!!! =) Garrett just feels very strongly about this and I can't blame him. So I'm backing him 110%. But I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or that you're a horrible person if you do. This is just one thing we are choosing to be the overprotective parents about!
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Things Pregnant Women Don't Need to Hear
Why is it people feel the need to tell you the most horrific stories about pregnancy/birth when you are pregnant yourself?! Someone posted a story and before it even starts, it addresses new mothers and pregnant women. So I thought, oh hey. I'm pregnant. I should read this.
Nope. I should not have read it. It had a great moral for new mothers. Pregnant women? Not so much.
**If you're pregnant, you might want to skip the rest of this post so you can be saved the anxieties that I will now have every day until this baby comes.**
The story is about this poor woman, bless her heart, who was towards the end of her pregnancy, went to bed with her baby in her belly kicking away. Woke up the next morning and her baby had just stopped moving. And had died overnight with no warning. I stopped reading there in an attempt to forget what I had just read.
My heart goes out to this woman. And I understand that she's wanting others to appreciate what they have. But this is the last thing my already anxious pregnant self needs to read. I had nightmares about losing my baby last night. Then I woke up and Malcolm didn't move for about 30 minutes. He was probably sleeping, but in my mind, he was dead. I have 25 more days of this now thanks to that fucking article.
As a new mom, I could see this article helping put a little positive spin on those nights that seem endless, and make you hug your baby a little tighter. But, how does this info benefit an expecting woman who probably already has a whole shit load of anxieties as it is?
I could just be overly sensitive. I hardly sleep as it is. Now I'm so paranoid that if Malcolm doesn't move ever couple minutes, I start to panic. Ugghhh....
So glad I'm almost done. My nerves can't take much more.
Nope. I should not have read it. It had a great moral for new mothers. Pregnant women? Not so much.
**If you're pregnant, you might want to skip the rest of this post so you can be saved the anxieties that I will now have every day until this baby comes.**
The story is about this poor woman, bless her heart, who was towards the end of her pregnancy, went to bed with her baby in her belly kicking away. Woke up the next morning and her baby had just stopped moving. And had died overnight with no warning. I stopped reading there in an attempt to forget what I had just read.
My heart goes out to this woman. And I understand that she's wanting others to appreciate what they have. But this is the last thing my already anxious pregnant self needs to read. I had nightmares about losing my baby last night. Then I woke up and Malcolm didn't move for about 30 minutes. He was probably sleeping, but in my mind, he was dead. I have 25 more days of this now thanks to that fucking article.
As a new mom, I could see this article helping put a little positive spin on those nights that seem endless, and make you hug your baby a little tighter. But, how does this info benefit an expecting woman who probably already has a whole shit load of anxieties as it is?
I could just be overly sensitive. I hardly sleep as it is. Now I'm so paranoid that if Malcolm doesn't move ever couple minutes, I start to panic. Ugghhh....
So glad I'm almost done. My nerves can't take much more.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Hard night...
Last night was a hard night with Mason. It was one in which I had to admit defeat, step back, and let Garrett step in. Mason was soooo tired and wouldn't stop crying. Real tears. No matter what we did, he'd cry. It was one of those nights where we just had to put him in his crib so he could let off some steam and cry for a bit. I'm not a fan of the cry it out method but it was literally the ONLY thing we could do. Of course, we don't just put him in there and walk away. We keep checking on him. Letting him know we are still here and making sure he's ok. He just was so wound up and us being in there or holding him was making it worse.
But I literally have to walk away after a while and let Garrett take over in situations like thst. I can't just sit there. Luckily, it doesn't happen often at all!!! I had to go to a room where I couldn't hear him. He was asleep in a matter of about 15 minutes. But I was a sobbing mess because I felt like I was failing him. I couldn't comfort him. And I just lost it because, I don't know how it is for other moms, but that is the WORST feeling as a parent; not being able to comfort your child despite your best efforts to do so. I'm so thankful for my calm, rational husband. He dealt with the situation so gracefully then checked on me as soon as Mason was asleep.
I felt so overwhelmed last night. It doesn't help being 9 freaking months pregnant but I couldn't help but get overwhelmed at the thought of those kinds of nights with Mase with the added newborn to that situation. But I suppose you just do it. I'll take one baby and Garrett will take the other. I just wish I had the grace and composure that Garrett does in those situations. I do ok up to a certain point. But I definitely don't retain the calmness that Garrett has.
I've been pregnant for most of Mason's life, though. So I suppose remaining rational and calm is a bit of a task right now. Perhaps once the hormones level back out, I will do a little better. All I know is last night was hard. I hope Mase gets better sleep today. He only had 1 really shitty nap yesterday and by bedtime, he was exhausted! But so worked up. Ugghhh...
And I have had hardly any sleep for the last couple months. So there's that too...
But I literally have to walk away after a while and let Garrett take over in situations like thst. I can't just sit there. Luckily, it doesn't happen often at all!!! I had to go to a room where I couldn't hear him. He was asleep in a matter of about 15 minutes. But I was a sobbing mess because I felt like I was failing him. I couldn't comfort him. And I just lost it because, I don't know how it is for other moms, but that is the WORST feeling as a parent; not being able to comfort your child despite your best efforts to do so. I'm so thankful for my calm, rational husband. He dealt with the situation so gracefully then checked on me as soon as Mason was asleep.
I felt so overwhelmed last night. It doesn't help being 9 freaking months pregnant but I couldn't help but get overwhelmed at the thought of those kinds of nights with Mase with the added newborn to that situation. But I suppose you just do it. I'll take one baby and Garrett will take the other. I just wish I had the grace and composure that Garrett does in those situations. I do ok up to a certain point. But I definitely don't retain the calmness that Garrett has.
I've been pregnant for most of Mason's life, though. So I suppose remaining rational and calm is a bit of a task right now. Perhaps once the hormones level back out, I will do a little better. All I know is last night was hard. I hope Mase gets better sleep today. He only had 1 really shitty nap yesterday and by bedtime, he was exhausted! But so worked up. Ugghhh...
And I have had hardly any sleep for the last couple months. So there's that too...
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Whiney Train to Whine Town
**Disclaimer: I'm a whiney bitch today.**
I cannot get more than an hour of sleep at a time and it's really starting to wear on me. And my jaw/teeth hurt sooo bad. I have a tooth I need to get fixed but I don't think I can handle having someone's hands in my mouth due to my overly sensitive gag reflex. But all I can take is Tylenol...and that really doesn't help. The heartburn. Oh god, the heartburn. I'm sooooo sick of feeling burning acid crawling up my throat and esophagus. My brain is pounding. The pressure on my crotch is horrid. Whenever Malcolm moves, it feels like my cervix is ripping in half. Everything smells like shit. I'm out of breath from just sitting here. I just want to lay down flat or take a hot shower. Like scolding hot. (The kind of shower you aren't supposed to take while pregnant.) And take some damn ibuprofen and be able to eat and chew real food. Noises make me homicidal. People in general make me homicidal. Especially men. Oh and women. And dogs. I can't find a bra that fits. The one I'm wearing now offers little support and digs into my ribcage. But I can't afford new ones because I've driven us to the poor house with how sick I got.
**Dear conscious, Please don't make me say that Malcolm is worth all of that. We all I know he is. Blah blah blah. I just need to vent about how shitty I feel for a minute.**
Aaaand...breathe in the good. Breathe out the bad. (insert wheezing.) (Also insert gagging because it's stuffy in our bedroom and smells like morning breath)
Ok. So now that I got that off my chest, maybe I can move on with my day with a more positive outlook. I'm just uncomfortable, as is every pregnant woman at this stage.
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
34 Weeks
Ive been slacking a bit on my blogging. But it's been pretty crazy! I'm not sure how often I'll be hitting up the blog after Malcolm is here. I hope tomat least update once in a while about my fitness journey back to being healthy but I guess we'll see!!!
How Far Along? 34 weeks and 1 day!!! 35 days to go!!!!
Baby this Week? Baby is about 17.75 inches and is about 4.75 pounds, unless you're my baby...which measured at 5.5 pounds last week, so he's probably somewhere closer to 6. The vernix (or that waxy protective coating) is getting thicker while he is losing the lanugo (the fine hair that grows all over their body in the womb.) His lungs are maturing with every passing day as he prepares for life outside the womb. He's also !moving lower down into the birth canal, which explains the tingling/prickling sensation I feel when he moves. And according to our last sizing ultrasound, Malcolm is REALLY low. But luckily, I still have 3.5 Cervix left!!!
Symptoms? Pretty normal stuff this week. Can't seem to catch my breath...ever. But that is pretty normal at this point. My body is going through some significant strain. I have that constant fatigue where you feel like you could quite literally sleep ALL DAY. But we all know that can't happen when you have a 1 year old. Lol. Nausea has been pretty minimal...only flaring up a bit when I get too hungry. Peeing all the time. Starting to feel more and more pressure on my lady bits! And Malcolm is a crazy mover in there!!!!!! Mason moved a lot but his movements were more gentle! Malcolm is a bully. He's beating the shit outta me from the inside. At one point, I felt this horrid pain, and I thought my uterus was ripping or something. My hand immediately went to the area that hurt and it was a foot or a leg pushing out really hard!!! I had to push it back! And he's had quite a bit of movements like that since then! Ow! Little turd!!!
Cravings/Aversions? My appetite seems to be leveling out and normalizing! Yesterday, I wanted salmon, broccoli and mashed potatoes. So I'm kind of starting to want a bit more balanced meals. I still crave sweets but honestly, I think it's due to having so many treats during this pregnancy that I'm probably addicted to sugar all over again! I'll be fixing that after pregnancy. It's nice not craving sweets all the time. But I'm riding out the next 35 days. Lol.
Goals for the Week? I'm working on a commission painting plus a painting that I'm doing on my own. I'm hoping to finish those this week! Maybe someone will want to buy the painting I'm doing on my own and I can buy one of the few things I need for Malcolm. I don't need much, but I do need a double stroller and a front carrier! My brother is bringing his double stroller to see if our carsesat is compatible. If it is, then I'm splurging and getting a GOOD carrier. My mom friends seem to love a brand called Tula but they run around $160. So cross your fingers that I can sell a painting or 2!!!
Mason? Omigosh! He's such a little beast these days! And such a happy boy, most days! He started doing a little unassisted walking this last week! He looks like Frankenstein when he does it! It's the most adorable thing in the world!!! That has been his major development! It's going to be hard to leave him for 3 days during our c section. I know he'll come visit but he's not going to want to stay at the hospital for very long! He's a man on the go! I know he'll have fun with my parents, though! And he'll be in good hands! But still, I'll be missing him!
I'll try to get a new belly pic up here! It's been a while since I've updated a belly pic on here.
How Far Along? 34 weeks and 1 day!!! 35 days to go!!!!
Baby this Week? Baby is about 17.75 inches and is about 4.75 pounds, unless you're my baby...which measured at 5.5 pounds last week, so he's probably somewhere closer to 6. The vernix (or that waxy protective coating) is getting thicker while he is losing the lanugo (the fine hair that grows all over their body in the womb.) His lungs are maturing with every passing day as he prepares for life outside the womb. He's also !moving lower down into the birth canal, which explains the tingling/prickling sensation I feel when he moves. And according to our last sizing ultrasound, Malcolm is REALLY low. But luckily, I still have 3.5 Cervix left!!!
Symptoms? Pretty normal stuff this week. Can't seem to catch my breath...ever. But that is pretty normal at this point. My body is going through some significant strain. I have that constant fatigue where you feel like you could quite literally sleep ALL DAY. But we all know that can't happen when you have a 1 year old. Lol. Nausea has been pretty minimal...only flaring up a bit when I get too hungry. Peeing all the time. Starting to feel more and more pressure on my lady bits! And Malcolm is a crazy mover in there!!!!!! Mason moved a lot but his movements were more gentle! Malcolm is a bully. He's beating the shit outta me from the inside. At one point, I felt this horrid pain, and I thought my uterus was ripping or something. My hand immediately went to the area that hurt and it was a foot or a leg pushing out really hard!!! I had to push it back! And he's had quite a bit of movements like that since then! Ow! Little turd!!!
Cravings/Aversions? My appetite seems to be leveling out and normalizing! Yesterday, I wanted salmon, broccoli and mashed potatoes. So I'm kind of starting to want a bit more balanced meals. I still crave sweets but honestly, I think it's due to having so many treats during this pregnancy that I'm probably addicted to sugar all over again! I'll be fixing that after pregnancy. It's nice not craving sweets all the time. But I'm riding out the next 35 days. Lol.
Goals for the Week? I'm working on a commission painting plus a painting that I'm doing on my own. I'm hoping to finish those this week! Maybe someone will want to buy the painting I'm doing on my own and I can buy one of the few things I need for Malcolm. I don't need much, but I do need a double stroller and a front carrier! My brother is bringing his double stroller to see if our carsesat is compatible. If it is, then I'm splurging and getting a GOOD carrier. My mom friends seem to love a brand called Tula but they run around $160. So cross your fingers that I can sell a painting or 2!!!
Mason? Omigosh! He's such a little beast these days! And such a happy boy, most days! He started doing a little unassisted walking this last week! He looks like Frankenstein when he does it! It's the most adorable thing in the world!!! That has been his major development! It's going to be hard to leave him for 3 days during our c section. I know he'll come visit but he's not going to want to stay at the hospital for very long! He's a man on the go! I know he'll have fun with my parents, though! And he'll be in good hands! But still, I'll be missing him!
I'll try to get a new belly pic up here! It's been a while since I've updated a belly pic on here.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Nesting, Mister Malcolm update and an Affair?!?!
My mom has been over helping us out with some things!!! I am feeling more and more ready every day for this baby to be here, and I don't just mean my body is ready to be done. Lol. I mean as far as my nesting goes! I didn't get to do much nesting last time so it feels good to finish projects I'd been wanting done since last year. Not things that are vital to baby's arrival, but feel good to be taken care of, nonetheless. My list is almost completely taken care of!
We had our sizing ultrasound on Friday! Mister Malcolm is a big dude!!! He's already measuring at over 5 pounds!!! So if we do end up going to term, we will have an 8-9 pounder! We have a follow-up appointment with Dr Miser on Tuesday so we'll see how she feels about the size. I won't lie, there is part of me that is hoping she'll want to bump up the c section a week since he's measuring a week ahead. I know it's better for baby to cook longer...I'm just saying, I wouldn't be sad if I had only 5 weeks left instead of 6. Lol
And here's one more good story for the books. And it's a GOOD one. While mom and I were out shopping with Mason, a lady came to our door and told Garrett I was having an affair with her husband and that I was carrying his baby. Yep. I shit you not. G said she was convinced of it and was very upset. G, of course, tried to tell her that there was NO way that was possible seeing as I've A) basically been pregnant and on bed rest for 2 years and B) I've basically been with G 24/7 for months because up until recently, I've been too sick to even take care of our son by myself, let alone have any affairs.
Anyway, so she told G she was coming back with pictures. And he was like, yes. Please do, as he knows whoever is in these pictures was not me. By the time she came back, mom and I were back home. And I'm super glad we were because I was able to talk to her. To her credit, she was very civil under the circumstances. She introduced herself and asked if I knew a certain tattoo artist in town. I said I knew of him but never met him. She said I knew her husband through this tattoo artist. I have never even heard her husband's name or hers until yesterday.
She told me she GPS tracked her husband driving up and down our street a bunch of times, apparently. She said she knew my name was "Vanessa" although she had the lady name wrong. She said she knew we had a couple of "beaitiful" dogs. And she said she saw a bunch of text messages coming from my phone. At that point, I had to ask her what number were these texts coming from. She said that her hubby unfortunately deleted the number. I offered for her to look through my phone, which she turned down. So I offered up my phone number in case they pop up again. I have nothing to hide. At this point, she had already been having a change of heart. You could tell. She never offered up the pictures because it was probably obvious I was not the woman in the pictures.
She also saw our little Mister Mason and how visibly VERY pregnant I am and probably thought to herself that there is NO WAY I would have had time to fit in an affair between these kiddos and all that bed rest. My mom chimed in at this point and said "ya know, her dogs really aren't that beautiful." I kinda laughed and said, no I suppose they wouldn't be considered that beautiful to the average person. The lady said "they're malamutes, right?" I told her no and let my dogs in so she could see her. I think that was the final proof she needed to be convinced she had the wrong Vanessa. She said she felt really embarrassed and apologized up and down about everything. She lives around the corner from us apparently and when she GPSed her husband driving up and down our road, then saw my license plates on my old intrepid that say Nessa, she made the assumption that it was me having the affair.
By the time she left, she wanted to commission me to paint her a Boba Fett. Lol. So it was definitely an interesting turn of events and not how I expected that whole exchange to go. Lol. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Just because her hubby isn't cheating with me, doesn't mean he's not cheating with someone. So, again, to her credit, she was very civil considering she was convinced I was sleeping with her husband. And she was able to rationalize that it didn't make sense. I think lots of women wouldn't be able to make any sound judgements in that situation...despite proof saying otherwise.
Most of my close friends know that I currently do not even like men at the moment. Hahah! Or anyone, for that fact...unless you are already my friend. So the thought of an affair sounds like some form of torture. Lol.
I'm glad me and G are so stable in our relationship. And that we have NEVER had trust issues. That whole scenario could have shaken an unstable relationship but it has left ours unscathed. G never thought even for a minute that there was any truth to her story. That, in and of itself, makes me sooooo incredibly thankful for the sturdiness of our relationship and the amount of trust we have. It would have been the same if the tables were flipped and some dude was knocking on our door accusing G of having an affair. Aside from hard proof, you couldn't pay me enough to believe it.
So, yes. Interesting to say the least!! I'm glad it all ended well (for us anyway) because that could have been a seriously ugly situation...
We had our sizing ultrasound on Friday! Mister Malcolm is a big dude!!! He's already measuring at over 5 pounds!!! So if we do end up going to term, we will have an 8-9 pounder! We have a follow-up appointment with Dr Miser on Tuesday so we'll see how she feels about the size. I won't lie, there is part of me that is hoping she'll want to bump up the c section a week since he's measuring a week ahead. I know it's better for baby to cook longer...I'm just saying, I wouldn't be sad if I had only 5 weeks left instead of 6. Lol
And here's one more good story for the books. And it's a GOOD one. While mom and I were out shopping with Mason, a lady came to our door and told Garrett I was having an affair with her husband and that I was carrying his baby. Yep. I shit you not. G said she was convinced of it and was very upset. G, of course, tried to tell her that there was NO way that was possible seeing as I've A) basically been pregnant and on bed rest for 2 years and B) I've basically been with G 24/7 for months because up until recently, I've been too sick to even take care of our son by myself, let alone have any affairs.
Anyway, so she told G she was coming back with pictures. And he was like, yes. Please do, as he knows whoever is in these pictures was not me. By the time she came back, mom and I were back home. And I'm super glad we were because I was able to talk to her. To her credit, she was very civil under the circumstances. She introduced herself and asked if I knew a certain tattoo artist in town. I said I knew of him but never met him. She said I knew her husband through this tattoo artist. I have never even heard her husband's name or hers until yesterday.
She told me she GPS tracked her husband driving up and down our street a bunch of times, apparently. She said she knew my name was "Vanessa" although she had the lady name wrong. She said she knew we had a couple of "beaitiful" dogs. And she said she saw a bunch of text messages coming from my phone. At that point, I had to ask her what number were these texts coming from. She said that her hubby unfortunately deleted the number. I offered for her to look through my phone, which she turned down. So I offered up my phone number in case they pop up again. I have nothing to hide. At this point, she had already been having a change of heart. You could tell. She never offered up the pictures because it was probably obvious I was not the woman in the pictures.
She also saw our little Mister Mason and how visibly VERY pregnant I am and probably thought to herself that there is NO WAY I would have had time to fit in an affair between these kiddos and all that bed rest. My mom chimed in at this point and said "ya know, her dogs really aren't that beautiful." I kinda laughed and said, no I suppose they wouldn't be considered that beautiful to the average person. The lady said "they're malamutes, right?" I told her no and let my dogs in so she could see her. I think that was the final proof she needed to be convinced she had the wrong Vanessa. She said she felt really embarrassed and apologized up and down about everything. She lives around the corner from us apparently and when she GPSed her husband driving up and down our road, then saw my license plates on my old intrepid that say Nessa, she made the assumption that it was me having the affair.
By the time she left, she wanted to commission me to paint her a Boba Fett. Lol. So it was definitely an interesting turn of events and not how I expected that whole exchange to go. Lol. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Just because her hubby isn't cheating with me, doesn't mean he's not cheating with someone. So, again, to her credit, she was very civil considering she was convinced I was sleeping with her husband. And she was able to rationalize that it didn't make sense. I think lots of women wouldn't be able to make any sound judgements in that situation...despite proof saying otherwise.
Most of my close friends know that I currently do not even like men at the moment. Hahah! Or anyone, for that fact...unless you are already my friend. So the thought of an affair sounds like some form of torture. Lol.
I'm glad me and G are so stable in our relationship. And that we have NEVER had trust issues. That whole scenario could have shaken an unstable relationship but it has left ours unscathed. G never thought even for a minute that there was any truth to her story. That, in and of itself, makes me sooooo incredibly thankful for the sturdiness of our relationship and the amount of trust we have. It would have been the same if the tables were flipped and some dude was knocking on our door accusing G of having an affair. Aside from hard proof, you couldn't pay me enough to believe it.
So, yes. Interesting to say the least!! I'm glad it all ended well (for us anyway) because that could have been a seriously ugly situation...
Friday, September 4, 2015
Feelings. Nothing more than feeeelings...
As we get closer to having this baby, I feel more and more emotions every day!!! And I feel them all so intensely, it can be a bit overwhelming. Here just a little sample of what I feel every day:
Excitement!!! OK this one is a given. We have about 6 weeks left until our c section. 6 weeks until my infertility battle is COMPLETELY done. 6 weeks until we get to meet this new little dude that made his way into our lives...that insisted on being here so hard, that he told us that we can shove our birth control methods up our you know whats. 6 weeks until these difficult pregnancies are behind me and my body will go back to being my own (minus the breastfeeding stuff) forever.
Sadness. I know we want this to be our last baby. 2 babies makes sense for us financially. We feel beyond lucky and blessed to have 1 child, let alone 2. And a family of 4 feels so perfect. But there is a bittersweetness in knowing that this will be the last time. Yes, my pregnancies have been hard, but getting to experience them at all is amazing in and of itself. Feeling a baby move and kick and squirm in your belly is an experience denied by many so I am trying to soak that up. Sharing your body with another human is hard, but also one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. So while I'm happy to almost be done, I'm also a bit sad.
Fear! This usually happens on hard days with Mason. Or days when G and I are tired and/or don't feel good. Or right after we pay bills. I always mutter "how are we going to do this?" I usually answer my own question and tell myself that we will do this just like every other set of parents do. By just doing it. You just make it work. We are not the first and only parents to have babies this close together. Some have multiple babies at once (God bless you people!!!) It will be hard at times...and from what I hear, the first year is quite an adjustment. But we'll find our groove. And we will be OK.
Worry. This is kind of a big one for me as I am such a huge worrier by nature anyway. And when people say "oh don't worry so much about x, y, or z" I just laugh a little because apparently there is a worry switch that you can just flip and turn it off. My main worry is about Mason. I am worried about the adjustment of a new baby in our lives when he is still a baby himself. I know he will be fine and he'll never remember a time without Malcolm. And hopefully, they will be best buddies. But still, I'm worried about that adjustment period for him as I can't really explain to him that Malcolm is his little brother and that we still love him just as much as before! That is my main worry. Things will work out...and I do know that. It's just gonna get a bit crazier for a while. I have a huge list of worries but I won't delve into allmof them. I could probably do a whole post just about this one emotion...
Anger. OK so, this is just an end of pregnancy thing, I think. I feel like murdering everyone for doing the smallest things. Mostly my dogs, who, I swear I love dearly...usually. But right now, they stink, they are ALWAYS in my bubble, their nails click too loudly on the linoleum, they bark obnoxiously at that super scary child riding his bike down THEIR road. The list goes on. Then, when I go out in public...you better just get out of my way. I usually start off having manners but then by the 5th person who does not return manners, I'm done. And...I won't even go into driving. I'll just say I'm pretty sure there is fire shooting out of my eyeballs by the time I get to my destination. And it's a good thing that vehicles don't come equipped with laser cannons.
Guilt. I won't elaborate on this one because so much of my blog is filled with guilt that it seems redundant to talk about. So just know that it's there too.
Unstable Craziness. OK so I'm not sure this is a real emotion but for the purpose of this blog, it is. So just roll with it. If you disagree, please reread my anger entry and reevaluate your opinion. For this "emotion" I am mostly referring to the things that set me off with any specific emotion to an insane degree. Let me give and example; 2 days ago, I noticed my dog chewed through one of my very very FEW comfy maternity pants that I have left in this world. And the way I sobbed, you would have thought there was a death in the family. (There almost was: my dog.). But I seriously lost it. I believe when Garrett asked what was wrong, my response between sobs was "I just want to to be comfortable" It's funny now, I admit. But at the time, it felt like a real crisis. Lol!!! And this sort of thing happens every day now. I hope Garrett can stand living with me for the next 6 weeks!
Exhaustion. I have no way of knowing how tired I will be with a newborn and a toddler, but I assume it's something close to what I feel now. I didn't feel this tired when Mase was a newborn. I am just exhausted. I can't sleep more than a half hour..maybe am hour tops at a time. I sleep sitting up and have for months. There are no comfortable positions to sleep in at the moment. Last week, Garrett asked if I had been wearing makeup because there was so much dark under my eyes. Nope. Not wearing makeup. That's just how I look. Lol.
Joy. Complete and utter joy and contentment. Thinking about how far we've come, how hard we worked and how we never "gave up" on our dreams to be parents makes me so happy. We have spent most of our married lives with no savings in order to pursue infertility treatments. We've depleted our resources paying for my medical issues during pregnancy. We have sacrificed time with family and friends, we've missed special, unreplicable occasions, such as weddings, family reunions, camping trips, birthdays....all for the sake of creating our family and it's paid off. And in 6 weeks, we can go on living out lives again. We don't need to feel like we are in pause mode anymore. We can start tucking away a little money again. We will be DONE with this chapter. Finally. And we can just live our lives "normally" again. It's been a loooong journey. But worth every second.
Excitement!!! OK this one is a given. We have about 6 weeks left until our c section. 6 weeks until my infertility battle is COMPLETELY done. 6 weeks until we get to meet this new little dude that made his way into our lives...that insisted on being here so hard, that he told us that we can shove our birth control methods up our you know whats. 6 weeks until these difficult pregnancies are behind me and my body will go back to being my own (minus the breastfeeding stuff) forever.
Sadness. I know we want this to be our last baby. 2 babies makes sense for us financially. We feel beyond lucky and blessed to have 1 child, let alone 2. And a family of 4 feels so perfect. But there is a bittersweetness in knowing that this will be the last time. Yes, my pregnancies have been hard, but getting to experience them at all is amazing in and of itself. Feeling a baby move and kick and squirm in your belly is an experience denied by many so I am trying to soak that up. Sharing your body with another human is hard, but also one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. So while I'm happy to almost be done, I'm also a bit sad.
Fear! This usually happens on hard days with Mason. Or days when G and I are tired and/or don't feel good. Or right after we pay bills. I always mutter "how are we going to do this?" I usually answer my own question and tell myself that we will do this just like every other set of parents do. By just doing it. You just make it work. We are not the first and only parents to have babies this close together. Some have multiple babies at once (God bless you people!!!) It will be hard at times...and from what I hear, the first year is quite an adjustment. But we'll find our groove. And we will be OK.
Worry. This is kind of a big one for me as I am such a huge worrier by nature anyway. And when people say "oh don't worry so much about x, y, or z" I just laugh a little because apparently there is a worry switch that you can just flip and turn it off. My main worry is about Mason. I am worried about the adjustment of a new baby in our lives when he is still a baby himself. I know he will be fine and he'll never remember a time without Malcolm. And hopefully, they will be best buddies. But still, I'm worried about that adjustment period for him as I can't really explain to him that Malcolm is his little brother and that we still love him just as much as before! That is my main worry. Things will work out...and I do know that. It's just gonna get a bit crazier for a while. I have a huge list of worries but I won't delve into allmof them. I could probably do a whole post just about this one emotion...
Anger. OK so, this is just an end of pregnancy thing, I think. I feel like murdering everyone for doing the smallest things. Mostly my dogs, who, I swear I love dearly...usually. But right now, they stink, they are ALWAYS in my bubble, their nails click too loudly on the linoleum, they bark obnoxiously at that super scary child riding his bike down THEIR road. The list goes on. Then, when I go out in public...you better just get out of my way. I usually start off having manners but then by the 5th person who does not return manners, I'm done. And...I won't even go into driving. I'll just say I'm pretty sure there is fire shooting out of my eyeballs by the time I get to my destination. And it's a good thing that vehicles don't come equipped with laser cannons.
Guilt. I won't elaborate on this one because so much of my blog is filled with guilt that it seems redundant to talk about. So just know that it's there too.
Unstable Craziness. OK so I'm not sure this is a real emotion but for the purpose of this blog, it is. So just roll with it. If you disagree, please reread my anger entry and reevaluate your opinion. For this "emotion" I am mostly referring to the things that set me off with any specific emotion to an insane degree. Let me give and example; 2 days ago, I noticed my dog chewed through one of my very very FEW comfy maternity pants that I have left in this world. And the way I sobbed, you would have thought there was a death in the family. (There almost was: my dog.). But I seriously lost it. I believe when Garrett asked what was wrong, my response between sobs was "I just want to to be comfortable" It's funny now, I admit. But at the time, it felt like a real crisis. Lol!!! And this sort of thing happens every day now. I hope Garrett can stand living with me for the next 6 weeks!
Exhaustion. I have no way of knowing how tired I will be with a newborn and a toddler, but I assume it's something close to what I feel now. I didn't feel this tired when Mase was a newborn. I am just exhausted. I can't sleep more than a half hour..maybe am hour tops at a time. I sleep sitting up and have for months. There are no comfortable positions to sleep in at the moment. Last week, Garrett asked if I had been wearing makeup because there was so much dark under my eyes. Nope. Not wearing makeup. That's just how I look. Lol.
Joy. Complete and utter joy and contentment. Thinking about how far we've come, how hard we worked and how we never "gave up" on our dreams to be parents makes me so happy. We have spent most of our married lives with no savings in order to pursue infertility treatments. We've depleted our resources paying for my medical issues during pregnancy. We have sacrificed time with family and friends, we've missed special, unreplicable occasions, such as weddings, family reunions, camping trips, birthdays....all for the sake of creating our family and it's paid off. And in 6 weeks, we can go on living out lives again. We don't need to feel like we are in pause mode anymore. We can start tucking away a little money again. We will be DONE with this chapter. Finally. And we can just live our lives "normally" again. It's been a loooong journey. But worth every second.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Update! I know you've been just waiting!!!
Soooo a little update. I know a few of you are wondering about my super tender crotch. I went in to get checked out yesterday and Malcolm is definitely starting to drop. My OB could tell he was getting lower! She said that probably explains the sharper pains towards my cervix. As far as the tenderness, she said I was a bit swollen and had a pH imbalance going on and prescribed an antibiotic to clear that up. She seemed confident that that is what was causing the tenderness. We are keeping our appointment for next week to follow up. But my nerves feel better! I always joke with them about how they will miss my frantic voicemail and seeing or hearing from me every week after this baby comes! They assured me they always love seeing my "smiling face.".
We have a size vs. date ultrasound on Friday. We'll see how this little buddy is growing in there. Here's a quick belly shot. It's super blurry and take in my diary garage gym (oh how I miss it in there. Those weights by my feet will be loved again someday!!!).
And here is my punkin pants, as I often call him. This kid has my heart, for sure! He's not feeling well tonight. Poor kid. Snotty nose and super tired. Luckily, he was able to fall asleep pretty easily, all things considered!
I also find it necessary to post his first selfie! Lol
And here's one last pic. Me, trying to relax while Malcolm destroys my insides! Lol.
I'm so close to the end. And as I get closer, I try to remind myself that this will be my last baby! And to try to "enjoy" what is left of this pregnancy as much as I can. But...let's be honest. I'm ready to be done! I'll do my best to enjoy the good parts but the people who tell you to enjoy it are the ones who either A) have smooth, amazing pregnancies or B) are done having babies and forgot how tough pregnancy can be!
And on that note, I do have to confess...I feel bad about feeling to annoyed about people complaining of their pregnancies while I was going through infertility! I never said anything to anyone about it so I'm glad I kept my mouth shut so I didn't invalidate anyone's feelings! I knew deep down that there were hard parts about being pregnant. I just knew I would do anything for the privilege of growing a person. But I underestimated how hard pregnancy can be, physically and emotionally. It's all very much worth it but parts of pregnancy can downright suck! I don't think I could wrap my head around the fact that you can hate pregnancy but still love and appreciate what you have. And being on "the other side" now, I have to admit that I was harsh in my thinking at times. But I suppose it's one of those things that you just can't know unless you've been there.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Ugh!!! The Pain!!!
Feeling pretty gnarly tonight. Ugh. Not so much nauseous, although there is a bit of that but those pains I was feeling, the ones I was talking about in my weekly update, they have gotten worse. My OB's office opens at 8 tomorrow and I will definitely be calling.
It's so hard for me to differentiate what is "normal" and what isn't. It could be perfectly normal for me to experience pains towards my lady bits because of the scar tissue. But the thing that's alarming to me (if you want to avoid TMI, don't finish this sentence), is after I pee, when I go to wipe, even that hurts if I'm not careful. Everything is super tender! And even around my c section scar hurts when I move a certain way. Again, I know that is probably normal but I'm not sure if the amount of pain I'm feeling is normal.
I don't know! I can sit here and speculate till the cows come home and still not know what the hell is going on. I'm hoping that Dr. Miser will be able to squeeze me in even just for a cervix check. Although, I'm reeeally not looking forward to one. I mean, it hurts to wipe so I can't imagine how it will feel having her jam her fingers up my crotch and feeling around on my cervix. Owwie! But I just want to know.
Anyway. I am just having a bit of anxiety about this so I wanted to get it out somewhere. I know in could always go into L&D, and I will is it gets bad. I would just prefer to talk to someone who is invested in my pregnancy and knows why these things are alarming to me when they might not be for someone else.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
32 Weeks
The Belly!!!
How Far Along? 32 weeks exactly! Another big milestone as far as baby's development goes!!! Woot Woot!!!
Baby This Week? Malcolm is about 3.3 pounds and about 16.25 inches from head to toe. Pretty crazy considering he really doesn't have much length left to grow into. Babies are usually around 20" when they are born. So baby is basically just gaining weight. His skin is also becoming less red and more pink! His eyes can also dilate now in response to light. How crazy is that?!
Symptoms? Uggghhh. Lol. Made another trip to labor and delivery. My blood pressure was spiking a bit. I won't go into too much detail but it seemed to level out and everything is OK with that. And right now, I'm experiencing some sharp pains in my cervix area! Of course, it didn't start until we left labor and delivery. It feels very similar to the pains I felt last pregnancy. I'm going to try to hold out till Monday to talk to Dr. Miser. I don't want to go into Labor & Delivery again. They are super nice up there but it's sooo much more reassuring talking to someone that knows all my history. Other symptoms include horrid heartburn (still sleeping sitting up), shallow breathing (probably due to baby not having dropped yet), sore back, insomnia, peeing a lot, constipation, and stuffy nose. Oh and lots of braxton hicks. With just a dash of nausea and topped with a buttload of stress.
Cravings/Aversions? Cravings sweets this week. And salads. Still not super into meat but I'm not totally grossed out by it either.
Goals for the Week? I suppose this depends on what happens with that pain I'm feeling. But if it eases up and ends up being nothing, I would like to make a little more progress on the basement. G and I have cleaned it up and I've painted the accent wall. We just need to move some furniture around! And by we, I mean Garrett and Kellen. My mom is planning on coming Friday if she's feeling well and we are going to hopefully do a few things on my to-do list. And do the finishing touches on the basement if it's ready!
Mason This Week? !I love this kid! Seriously. He's so much fun! And he gets more fun every day. I love watching his personality develop! We've been calling him destructo-baby! Lol! He throws things and plows over anything in his way. He is loud!!! And wild! And busy! The further along I get, the harder it is to play with him, which is tough. But I suppose it's inevitable. He's making lots of different noises and blowing spit bubbles. And we can't get through the night without a bath now! He loooooves his baths!
There. That's it. Finally an update. It's been kind of a stressful week and I'm a little worried about this sharp cervical pain but I guess we'll see what Dr. Miser has to say about it on Monday.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Pregnancy is Weird...
Good lord, Malcolm is a mover!!!! Not so much kicks but it feels like his in there doing barrel rolls. Mason was more of a kicker. Very bazaar feeling. But also very cool.
Another bazaar thing that's been happening is I'm hearing clicks/pops coming from my belly. At first, I thought it was maybe just my joints but it has happened several times now where I was laying in bed perfectly still. I went to Google, which can be a scary place, but I had heard of this phenomenon before. It sounds like it's pretty common in later pregnancy. Doctors don't really know what causes it but they've speculated that it could be baby's joints popping. Or possibly ligaments stretching. Or something to do with the amniotic fluid. Whatever it is, they do not believe it to be harmful. The only thing it says to watch for is if you hear a pop on you start leaking fluid. Crazy stuff, this pregnancy business.
Tomorrow is another huge milestone. I'll be 32 weeks!!! That will mark the week that risks of any long term health issues goes down significantly if we were to have our baby now. As far as that stuff goes, we have been very lucky and probably don't need to worry but it's still a comforting milestone to make it to! I remember last time being so thrilled to make it to 32 weeks! Speaking of which, I know I've been slacking on my weekly updates. I'll try to get my 32 weeker in this week.
I've been pretty busy trying to get my to-do list taken care of so that has been taking my focus lately. But I do this thing where I push myself too hard because I think I'm invincible and end up making myself sick. Wonder who I get that from. (Mom.) We've got 7 weeks left. Well, 51 days at the most, until baby boy is here. And the further along I get, the harder it is to do anything so I'm trying to knock off the big stuff first. My basement is so close to being done, which is a huge relief because that was #1 on my list. And I need to finish childproofing my kitchen. It's so much extra work to have to hover over Mason to make sure he's not getting into anything naughty. We have the cupboards with the cleaning stuff baby proofed but we still need to do the others and probably put those corner things on our glass table.
I could go on and on about my "list" but I'll spare you all. Lol. It's not that interesting to anyone but me probably. Haha! If I have a minute tomorrow, I'll do my update! ;)
Another bazaar thing that's been happening is I'm hearing clicks/pops coming from my belly. At first, I thought it was maybe just my joints but it has happened several times now where I was laying in bed perfectly still. I went to Google, which can be a scary place, but I had heard of this phenomenon before. It sounds like it's pretty common in later pregnancy. Doctors don't really know what causes it but they've speculated that it could be baby's joints popping. Or possibly ligaments stretching. Or something to do with the amniotic fluid. Whatever it is, they do not believe it to be harmful. The only thing it says to watch for is if you hear a pop on you start leaking fluid. Crazy stuff, this pregnancy business.
Tomorrow is another huge milestone. I'll be 32 weeks!!! That will mark the week that risks of any long term health issues goes down significantly if we were to have our baby now. As far as that stuff goes, we have been very lucky and probably don't need to worry but it's still a comforting milestone to make it to! I remember last time being so thrilled to make it to 32 weeks! Speaking of which, I know I've been slacking on my weekly updates. I'll try to get my 32 weeker in this week.
I've been pretty busy trying to get my to-do list taken care of so that has been taking my focus lately. But I do this thing where I push myself too hard because I think I'm invincible and end up making myself sick. Wonder who I get that from. (Mom.) We've got 7 weeks left. Well, 51 days at the most, until baby boy is here. And the further along I get, the harder it is to do anything so I'm trying to knock off the big stuff first. My basement is so close to being done, which is a huge relief because that was #1 on my list. And I need to finish childproofing my kitchen. It's so much extra work to have to hover over Mason to make sure he's not getting into anything naughty. We have the cupboards with the cleaning stuff baby proofed but we still need to do the others and probably put those corner things on our glass table.
I could go on and on about my "list" but I'll spare you all. Lol. It's not that interesting to anyone but me probably. Haha! If I have a minute tomorrow, I'll do my update! ;)
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Post-Birth Plan
So after a "night of sleep" and I use that phrase because I'm not sure what else to call it, I'm still feeling a bit crappy, but better than yesterday. I'm begging Mason in my mind to keep sleeping for at least 1 more hour but I'm not sure he will. I hear him stirring. Since I've been feeling better, I took back morning duty with Mase. But I may need some help this morning.
Changing the subject, I'm pondering our birth plan... I guess it's really more like our post-birth plan. We all know I'm getting a repeat C. I'm thinking about after baby is out. The worst part of having a c section is not getting to hold my baby until I get out of recovery. Last time, they brought Mase over for me to look at for probably less than a minute but your arms are strapped down so you can't reach out and hold the baby or anything. Then they wisk them away while they finish with you. I felt content knowing that Garrett was with him though. I mean, Mason was with me 100% of the time for the previous 10 months. I got to feel him kick and grow. So I was ok with G getting to spend that first hour or so with him.
We had a plan to be able to spend an hour or so, just the 3 of us, before we had visitors. We didn't adhere to that. Garrett felt really bad because by the time they rolled me back to the room, I was the last person to get to hold my baby. He apologized because he said he was just too excited. Lol. I can't fault him for that. It's actual really sweet. And honestly, it's really not that big of a deal. And also, it probably helped G feel at ease because he'd never really spent any time with a baby, much less a newborn. So it was probably nice for him to have a little backup. I never thought about that part before. So in hindsight, I'm glad they were there with him. It probably really put him at ease.
I'm not hung up about it or anything. Nor was I ever mad at all. But I do think this time, we will adhere to our plan. All I want is just a half hour to hold Malcolm before we introduce him. Just a few quiet moments for us to soak in this new little life that insisted on being in our lives. Then, people can come swoop in and steal some snuggles to their hearts content! I'm sure I'll be ready to see Masers at that point, too.
So that's part 1 of the post-birth plan. Part #2 is having my awesome parents stay at our house with Mase. I think it would be best if he were to stay here while we are gone and keep his routine and normal as possible. So they are going to come up and stay at our house. And G is going to probably go home at Masons bed time to do his bedtime routine with him so he doesn't feel totally abandoned. And while G is doing that, mom or dad, or both can come up and help me with Malcolm. Last time, it took a while for the feeling to completely return to my legs, so they kept me on the catheter a bit longer than normal so I may or may not need the help but either way, it would be nice to have someone there so I don't have to call the nurse every 5 minutes.
Part 3 of our post-birth plan is after we get home, we are going to send Mason to Grandma and Grandpa Zantos for a night or 2. This an idea from Kari. For those that don't know, she just did this last year. She has babies spaced apart almost exactly as far apart as Mase and Mal will be. So she has been a GODSEND to me during this pregnancy! She said she sent her boys to gmas and gpas for a couple nights so they could have a few moments of calm to get to know this new little person before trying to get settled into a routine. And though she said it was definitely tough to send them away, she did not regret it! I think it's a really good idea. I mean, I am sure her boys had a blast too. Everyone wins. So we are pretty sure this is the route we will go!
And lastly, after Mase comes back, my mom is going to come up and help us out a bit for a week or so. I'm so appreciative because she will also be a GODSEND as I will be worthless with Mason for a while. I probably won't be able to pick him up for a week or two. So G will have to do everything with him. Mom will be able to help him and give G a little breather. Plus, she offered to help cook and do laundry...those type of things. I probably won't want her to ever leave. Hahahah!
So that's our rough plan. On getting sooo excited for this baby. Insanely nervous, but I know we aren't the only ones who have had babies back to back and as far as I know, everyone usually makes it out ok. So I'll take comfort in that.
Officially less than 8 weeks to go. I'm hoping we get out c section scheduled soon so I can have an actual countdown!
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Dear Me; Be Gentle With Yourself
I have big plans for tomorrow....
...doing absolutely nothing!!!!
Not because I want to. But because I NEED to. I have a bad habit of wanting everything done yesterday and I push myself soooo hard. To the point of tears. I don't k own how many times my mom has witnessed it. But today, I crashed. I started feeling yucky, which made me fall apart and melt down. Crash and burn. I decided to have a nap and woke up feeling even worse. Nauseous. I have an insanely sore boob. Like it hurts to touch. There's an area of my belly that I probably pulled a muscle by trying to do everything myself at 31 weeks pregs.
So I told G to not let me do anything tomorrow. Not even little chores. The only thing I'm allowed to do is fun, non-strenuous things.
The closer I get to having this baby, the crazier I get. I'm sooooo thankful I was able to talk to my friend Kari be a she just went through this last year. She did the same things as me. She would obsess about something that really doesn't matter in the end. One of the things she focused on was scrubbing the tiles in her bathroom. But we were talking about how it's almost a way if coping with the anxiety of having 2 babies so close together. Will it make a difference in the long run? Probably not. But at least it's a way to FEEL like you have some control. I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for what's coming.
So this has been my reason for the non-stop business. But I just need to be a bit more careful and remember that I am growing a person and my body is being pushed to the limits already. I have people who are going to help me so I just need to chill a bit. I feel so panicked because usually the 2nd trimester is when you feel good enough to tackle this stuff slowly.
Honestly, other than needing to buy a double stroller and installing a carseat for Malcolm, we are ready. The stuff on my list to get done before baby is just stuff. It doesn't make a difference if the basement has an accent wall or not. Or if all of Malcolms onesies are separated between newborn size and 0-3 month. It's just a coping mechanism.
My house will be trashed again within days of coming home and will probably stay that way for the next 18 years...at least. So I need to remember that while it's ok to want to get things ready, I also need to stop and breathe. And to take care of myself. I'm in the home stretch of pregnancy, where my body is being stretched, my organs are being squished. My back is killing me. My boobs are growing. My feet are swelling. I can't sleep more than an hour without having to pee. Plus, I'm also taking care of my little Mason Man...which is so fun but exhausting.
So dear me; please be a bit more gentle with yourself, physically and emotionally. You've been through a lot!
...doing absolutely nothing!!!!
Not because I want to. But because I NEED to. I have a bad habit of wanting everything done yesterday and I push myself soooo hard. To the point of tears. I don't k own how many times my mom has witnessed it. But today, I crashed. I started feeling yucky, which made me fall apart and melt down. Crash and burn. I decided to have a nap and woke up feeling even worse. Nauseous. I have an insanely sore boob. Like it hurts to touch. There's an area of my belly that I probably pulled a muscle by trying to do everything myself at 31 weeks pregs.
So I told G to not let me do anything tomorrow. Not even little chores. The only thing I'm allowed to do is fun, non-strenuous things.
The closer I get to having this baby, the crazier I get. I'm sooooo thankful I was able to talk to my friend Kari be a she just went through this last year. She did the same things as me. She would obsess about something that really doesn't matter in the end. One of the things she focused on was scrubbing the tiles in her bathroom. But we were talking about how it's almost a way if coping with the anxiety of having 2 babies so close together. Will it make a difference in the long run? Probably not. But at least it's a way to FEEL like you have some control. I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for what's coming.
So this has been my reason for the non-stop business. But I just need to be a bit more careful and remember that I am growing a person and my body is being pushed to the limits already. I have people who are going to help me so I just need to chill a bit. I feel so panicked because usually the 2nd trimester is when you feel good enough to tackle this stuff slowly.
Honestly, other than needing to buy a double stroller and installing a carseat for Malcolm, we are ready. The stuff on my list to get done before baby is just stuff. It doesn't make a difference if the basement has an accent wall or not. Or if all of Malcolms onesies are separated between newborn size and 0-3 month. It's just a coping mechanism.
My house will be trashed again within days of coming home and will probably stay that way for the next 18 years...at least. So I need to remember that while it's ok to want to get things ready, I also need to stop and breathe. And to take care of myself. I'm in the home stretch of pregnancy, where my body is being stretched, my organs are being squished. My back is killing me. My boobs are growing. My feet are swelling. I can't sleep more than an hour without having to pee. Plus, I'm also taking care of my little Mason Man...which is so fun but exhausting.
So dear me; please be a bit more gentle with yourself, physically and emotionally. You've been through a lot!
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Career Crisis
I have been painting again! I have missed it so very much. But I get this comment a lot whenever I post art things:
You need to charge more.
OK. That's all fine and dandy and I know it's coming from a place of well-intentions but you know how many paintings I have right now that I'm asking $300+ for? All of them. No one wants to pay that much. I have to be realistic. I live in Great Falls, MT. I don't have a huge audience here! When I get a show in Missoula, I sometimes sell a piece or 2 but they are always my cheaper, smaller ones because it's a college town. And let's be honest, most people in the older generation do not want a giant bloody zombie eating a brain on their walls. And the audience that I do have here are around my age. So that means a lot of them have kiddos or babies...and we all know that it isn't cheap bring up a kid. Or they aren't established enough in their careers to be able to drop $500 on a painting.
So what are the solutions? Here's what people have suggested to me:
Work smaller. I don't want to. I love working big! My painting style works better on a larger scale and I love working big! When I work small, it feels forced and I always hate it when I'm done. And besides, people think the small stuff should be really cheap. I once had a woman ask me to paint something on small found objects and offered me $30. Ouch.
Paint different subject matter that would sell in your area. Oh, so you mean sell out! Make painting actually feel like work and not enjoy it at all? Ever. Great!!! And besides, there are tons phenomenal artists that have that covered here who actually DO enjoy it so why should I suffer?
Do commissions. This, I actually do! The problem is, if I take too many, then I never have time for my own stuff. I do love commissions and especially when they are things I love doing...such as zombies etc! And even the commissions that aren't my usual are good for me because that is how I grow as an artist. But it's really easy to get bogged down by only doing what other people want..all the time. So I don't take commissions year round.
Travel. With what money? The money that I didn't make from not selling that $400 painting I spent forever on? Let me go pack!!!
So I don't really know what he answer is. Stop trying to make painting a career? Then it takes the backseat and I can't seem to make time for it. I can see how tattoo artists (the good ones who actually put time and effort into their designs) can feel so bogged down...and especially the ones who are booked out so far in advance. I'm sure they love it but it's gotta take a toll feeling like you can never "catch up" or do your own thing sometimes.
I'm sort of in career crisis mode. Part of me just wants to be a mom and quit trying so hard to make art into a career. Or maybe I'm just feeling super overwhelmed because I am 8.5 weeks away from having 2 boys under 2 and I'm feeling a bit anxious for that transition. I'm not sure. Plus, this feeling of having no energy makes me feel like I can't do anything. Lol
I don't want to lose myself to being a mom. But at the same time, my boys will be grown and not needing momma before I know it so what's wrong with having them be the center of my world for a while and doing the "me" thing secondarily. I still want to do art and workout but I've wanted to be a mom forever and it is something I honestly thought might not happen.
I read a quote the other day that said something along the lines of "I didn't lose my identity when I became a mom. I found it." It really touched me and I felt like it was there for me specifically to read. Earlier that same day, I had mentioned to my bestie the idea of trading in my purse for a diaper bag for a while. I mean, after all, diapers will be part of my everyday for probably 3 or maybe even 4 more years. It's only practical, right? Well my bestie said that she never gave up her purse because she wasn't willing to give up all of her identity just because she was a mom. She didn't say it to insinuate that that's what I'd be doing. She was just referring to her own process of balancing out life as a mom but still retaining who she is. But it did get me thinking; was that what I was doing? Sacrificing who I am to be a mom? Then I read that quote the very same day. And I felt confident that my identity doesn't lie within my purse. Hell, I only have one for convenience anyway. I am becoming who I've always wanted to be! A mom. I WANT to carry a diaper bag around.
I've said many times on my infertility journey that I would give up my art in a heartbeat to be a mom! And while I know I don't have to actually give it up, it can take a back seat for a while. It can be my "me" time while my boys are little. When they start school, I can refocus a little more on it. But for now, I am mom, first and foremost.
You need to charge more.
OK. That's all fine and dandy and I know it's coming from a place of well-intentions but you know how many paintings I have right now that I'm asking $300+ for? All of them. No one wants to pay that much. I have to be realistic. I live in Great Falls, MT. I don't have a huge audience here! When I get a show in Missoula, I sometimes sell a piece or 2 but they are always my cheaper, smaller ones because it's a college town. And let's be honest, most people in the older generation do not want a giant bloody zombie eating a brain on their walls. And the audience that I do have here are around my age. So that means a lot of them have kiddos or babies...and we all know that it isn't cheap bring up a kid. Or they aren't established enough in their careers to be able to drop $500 on a painting.
So what are the solutions? Here's what people have suggested to me:
Work smaller. I don't want to. I love working big! My painting style works better on a larger scale and I love working big! When I work small, it feels forced and I always hate it when I'm done. And besides, people think the small stuff should be really cheap. I once had a woman ask me to paint something on small found objects and offered me $30. Ouch.
Paint different subject matter that would sell in your area. Oh, so you mean sell out! Make painting actually feel like work and not enjoy it at all? Ever. Great!!! And besides, there are tons phenomenal artists that have that covered here who actually DO enjoy it so why should I suffer?
Do commissions. This, I actually do! The problem is, if I take too many, then I never have time for my own stuff. I do love commissions and especially when they are things I love doing...such as zombies etc! And even the commissions that aren't my usual are good for me because that is how I grow as an artist. But it's really easy to get bogged down by only doing what other people want..all the time. So I don't take commissions year round.
Travel. With what money? The money that I didn't make from not selling that $400 painting I spent forever on? Let me go pack!!!
So I don't really know what he answer is. Stop trying to make painting a career? Then it takes the backseat and I can't seem to make time for it. I can see how tattoo artists (the good ones who actually put time and effort into their designs) can feel so bogged down...and especially the ones who are booked out so far in advance. I'm sure they love it but it's gotta take a toll feeling like you can never "catch up" or do your own thing sometimes.
I'm sort of in career crisis mode. Part of me just wants to be a mom and quit trying so hard to make art into a career. Or maybe I'm just feeling super overwhelmed because I am 8.5 weeks away from having 2 boys under 2 and I'm feeling a bit anxious for that transition. I'm not sure. Plus, this feeling of having no energy makes me feel like I can't do anything. Lol
I don't want to lose myself to being a mom. But at the same time, my boys will be grown and not needing momma before I know it so what's wrong with having them be the center of my world for a while and doing the "me" thing secondarily. I still want to do art and workout but I've wanted to be a mom forever and it is something I honestly thought might not happen.
I read a quote the other day that said something along the lines of "I didn't lose my identity when I became a mom. I found it." It really touched me and I felt like it was there for me specifically to read. Earlier that same day, I had mentioned to my bestie the idea of trading in my purse for a diaper bag for a while. I mean, after all, diapers will be part of my everyday for probably 3 or maybe even 4 more years. It's only practical, right? Well my bestie said that she never gave up her purse because she wasn't willing to give up all of her identity just because she was a mom. She didn't say it to insinuate that that's what I'd be doing. She was just referring to her own process of balancing out life as a mom but still retaining who she is. But it did get me thinking; was that what I was doing? Sacrificing who I am to be a mom? Then I read that quote the very same day. And I felt confident that my identity doesn't lie within my purse. Hell, I only have one for convenience anyway. I am becoming who I've always wanted to be! A mom. I WANT to carry a diaper bag around.
I've said many times on my infertility journey that I would give up my art in a heartbeat to be a mom! And while I know I don't have to actually give it up, it can take a back seat for a while. It can be my "me" time while my boys are little. When they start school, I can refocus a little more on it. But for now, I am mom, first and foremost.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
"Why not 40 Weeks?"
As I get closer to having this baby, there have been some suggestions and inquiries why not just wait and try to go all the way to 40+ weeks. I'd like to clear that up really quick.
I don't want to bleed out.
Ok...so I know that's not guaranteed to happen. But it is not something I'm willing to risk. And I'm sure I'd you were to ask my hubby, my mom and dad, my best friends, I think they would agree. Yes. I acknowledge that all 40 weeks are important and it's best to go all the way to full term if possible. But it's not best if it puts me at risk. I didn't do all this work just to put myself in a dangerous situation that could have been avoided.
So....
...when they tell me it's time to cut this baby out, I am there.
The reason why I am not pushing it to 40 weeks is I had a LOT of trauma to my uterus and cervix and I only had 6 months to heal before my uterus (my poor, sad, tired uterus) had to go back to work. That's not very long to heal from a cervical tear, a uterine tear, and a cesarean. So the risk of a uterine tear is pretty up there if baby gets too big.
I'm not only going to 39 weeks because I'm uncomfortable. There are actual medical reasons why we won't risk it.
I don't want to bleed out.
Ok...so I know that's not guaranteed to happen. But it is not something I'm willing to risk. And I'm sure I'd you were to ask my hubby, my mom and dad, my best friends, I think they would agree. Yes. I acknowledge that all 40 weeks are important and it's best to go all the way to full term if possible. But it's not best if it puts me at risk. I didn't do all this work just to put myself in a dangerous situation that could have been avoided.
So....
...when they tell me it's time to cut this baby out, I am there.
The reason why I am not pushing it to 40 weeks is I had a LOT of trauma to my uterus and cervix and I only had 6 months to heal before my uterus (my poor, sad, tired uterus) had to go back to work. That's not very long to heal from a cervical tear, a uterine tear, and a cesarean. So the risk of a uterine tear is pretty up there if baby gets too big.
I'm not only going to 39 weeks because I'm uncomfortable. There are actual medical reasons why we won't risk it.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
29 weeks
How Far Along? 29 weeks and 4 days.
Baby This Week? Malcolm is about 15.25 inches and around 2.5 pounds. He is hitting a growth spurt and his bones are beginning to harden up more. His movements may begin to decrease a bit since his space is becoming more and more cramped...though I felt like he's just moving my organs aside so he can still move. Lol
Symptoms This Week? I'm super happy to report that nausea is still very minimal. I'm still getting a bit yucky but have been able to get by on a Zofran here or there. No more patch. No more Phenergan. The biggest symptom that popped up this week is fatigue. Omg, I get sooooo tired by about 2. I wake up with gusto. I plan a bunch of things to get done for the day and then 2 pm hits and I hit a wall. The only thing I have the energy for by that point is Mason. But I also have been sleeping soooo horribly so that doesn't help.
Cravings / Aversions? Cravings have picked up a lot this week while aversions have dropped. I actually ate steak this week. And I'm craving dairy items. String cheese, yogurt, chocolate milk...but I also read that I need to make sure to keep my calcium intake up as baby's bones are hardening so I'm not sure if the cravings are related to that or not.
Goals for This Week? Just hoping to continue to nest here and there. I probably won't get anything bug done this week but I've been working on little things.
Mason? Mason has really taken to his assisted walking this week. As in he's really starting to enjoy it. He laughs a lot when he's using his walker thingy and is getting faster and more efficient. He's also making a ton of new sounds! The most recent one is "ya ya ya ya." Lol. It's fun to watch him learning new things every day.
This isn't really part of the update but I'm thinking about it so I'm going to just put it here. I've been getting nervous about Mason adjusting to a little brother. I know it will be fine and he will ultimately love having a sibling. But Mason is at an age where we can't prepare him because we can't explain the changes. All if the sudden, there will be a little person here who has mommy and daddy's attention. I don't want him to feel replaced or that he is any less important to us. I know this is a common fear with an age gap this close fir parents and ultimately everyone gets through the adjustment phase. Some advice I've recieved is to just accept the help from the grandparents when they offer. They can give a little extra attention to Masers while we get to know Malcolm. Or they can hold Malcolm while we spend a little quality time with Mase. So I'm taking thar advice to heart and will be fully using the grandparents.
Baby This Week? Malcolm is about 15.25 inches and around 2.5 pounds. He is hitting a growth spurt and his bones are beginning to harden up more. His movements may begin to decrease a bit since his space is becoming more and more cramped...though I felt like he's just moving my organs aside so he can still move. Lol
Symptoms This Week? I'm super happy to report that nausea is still very minimal. I'm still getting a bit yucky but have been able to get by on a Zofran here or there. No more patch. No more Phenergan. The biggest symptom that popped up this week is fatigue. Omg, I get sooooo tired by about 2. I wake up with gusto. I plan a bunch of things to get done for the day and then 2 pm hits and I hit a wall. The only thing I have the energy for by that point is Mason. But I also have been sleeping soooo horribly so that doesn't help.
Cravings / Aversions? Cravings have picked up a lot this week while aversions have dropped. I actually ate steak this week. And I'm craving dairy items. String cheese, yogurt, chocolate milk...but I also read that I need to make sure to keep my calcium intake up as baby's bones are hardening so I'm not sure if the cravings are related to that or not.
Goals for This Week? Just hoping to continue to nest here and there. I probably won't get anything bug done this week but I've been working on little things.
Mason? Mason has really taken to his assisted walking this week. As in he's really starting to enjoy it. He laughs a lot when he's using his walker thingy and is getting faster and more efficient. He's also making a ton of new sounds! The most recent one is "ya ya ya ya." Lol. It's fun to watch him learning new things every day.
This isn't really part of the update but I'm thinking about it so I'm going to just put it here. I've been getting nervous about Mason adjusting to a little brother. I know it will be fine and he will ultimately love having a sibling. But Mason is at an age where we can't prepare him because we can't explain the changes. All if the sudden, there will be a little person here who has mommy and daddy's attention. I don't want him to feel replaced or that he is any less important to us. I know this is a common fear with an age gap this close fir parents and ultimately everyone gets through the adjustment phase. Some advice I've recieved is to just accept the help from the grandparents when they offer. They can give a little extra attention to Masers while we get to know Malcolm. Or they can hold Malcolm while we spend a little quality time with Mase. So I'm taking thar advice to heart and will be fully using the grandparents.
Monday, August 10, 2015
No Nausea?!?
I can't tell you how amaaaazing it feel just to have normal 3rd trimester symptoms. My nausea is very minimal right now. I have only been popping a zofran every once in a while. My symptoms right now are still not pleasant but waaaay more tolerable than 24/7 nausea. I think I feel like one can be expected to feel in the 3rd trimester. Exhausted, aching back, absolutely no patience for the general public, ravenous, massive heartburn, peeing every 5 seconds... Ya know, that kind of stuff! But it feels so good not to be nausous all the time! I just hope it stays like this.
I really feel tired, though. Not just tired but exhausted. I wish I didn't hate naps so much! I'm slowly starting to knock things off my nesting list. My mom helped my organize the boys clothes by size. I organized me and G's clothes. I'm hoping Kandy can watch Mase a little this week so me and G can start on the basement! Then my mom can come over and help me deep clean and paint down there! I figure I'll save cleaning out the trucks and installing Malcolms carseat for when the temperature isn't reaching inferno levels.
Having everyone over this last weekend makes me super excited about how close all these kids will be!!! And we are doing Christmas here this year and I cannot freaking wait!!! Sooo much fun!
I'll post my pregnancy update a little later this week. We made our appointment for our 3D ultrasound for next week so hopefully Malcolm cooperates so we can see his little face!!!
I really feel tired, though. Not just tired but exhausted. I wish I didn't hate naps so much! I'm slowly starting to knock things off my nesting list. My mom helped my organize the boys clothes by size. I organized me and G's clothes. I'm hoping Kandy can watch Mase a little this week so me and G can start on the basement! Then my mom can come over and help me deep clean and paint down there! I figure I'll save cleaning out the trucks and installing Malcolms carseat for when the temperature isn't reaching inferno levels.
Having everyone over this last weekend makes me super excited about how close all these kids will be!!! And we are doing Christmas here this year and I cannot freaking wait!!! Sooo much fun!
I'll post my pregnancy update a little later this week. We made our appointment for our 3D ultrasound for next week so hopefully Malcolm cooperates so we can see his little face!!!
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