Dear Me; Be Gentle With Yourself

I have big plans for tomorrow....

...doing absolutely nothing!!!!

Not because I want to.  But because I NEED to. I have a bad habit of wanting everything done yesterday and I push myself soooo hard.  To the point of tears.  I don't k own how many times my mom has witnessed it. But today, I crashed. I started feeling yucky, which made me fall apart and melt down.  Crash and burn. I decided to have a nap and woke up feeling even worse. Nauseous.  I have an insanely sore boob. Like it hurts to touch.  There's an area of my belly that I probably pulled a muscle by trying to do everything myself at 31 weeks pregs.

So I told G to not let me do anything tomorrow. Not even little chores.  The only thing I'm allowed to do is fun, non-strenuous things.

The closer I get to having this baby, the crazier I get. I'm sooooo thankful I was able to talk to my friend Kari be a she just went through this last year.  She did the same things as me.  She would obsess about something that really doesn't matter in the end. One of the things she focused on was scrubbing the tiles in her bathroom.  But we were talking about how it's almost a way if coping with the anxiety of having 2 babies so close together.  Will it make a difference in the long run? Probably not.  But at least it's a way to FEEL like you have some control.  I don't think there is any way to prepare yourself for what's coming.

So this has been my reason for the non-stop business.  But I just need to be a bit more careful and remember that I am growing a person and my body is being pushed to the limits already.  I have people who are going to help me so I just need to chill a bit. I feel so panicked because usually the 2nd trimester is when you feel good enough to tackle this stuff slowly.

Honestly, other than needing to buy a double stroller and installing a carseat for Malcolm, we are ready. The stuff on my list to get done before baby is just stuff. It doesn't make a difference if the basement has an accent wall or not. Or if all of Malcolms onesies are separated between newborn size and 0-3 month. It's just a coping mechanism.

My house will be trashed again within days of coming home and will probably stay that way for the next 18 years...at least.  So I need to remember that while it's ok to want to get things ready, I also need to stop and breathe. And to take care of myself.  I'm in the home stretch of pregnancy, where my body is being stretched, my organs are being squished.  My back is killing me.  My boobs are growing.  My feet are swelling.  I can't sleep more than an hour without having to pee.  Plus, I'm also taking care of my little Mason Man...which is so fun but exhausting.

So dear me;  please be a bit more gentle with yourself, physically and emotionally. You've been through a lot!