**Disclaimer: I'm a whiney bitch today.**
I cannot get more than an hour of sleep at a time and it's really starting to wear on me. And my jaw/teeth hurt sooo bad. I have a tooth I need to get fixed but I don't think I can handle having someone's hands in my mouth due to my overly sensitive gag reflex. But all I can take is Tylenol...and that really doesn't help. The heartburn. Oh god, the heartburn. I'm sooooo sick of feeling burning acid crawling up my throat and esophagus. My brain is pounding. The pressure on my crotch is horrid. Whenever Malcolm moves, it feels like my cervix is ripping in half. Everything smells like shit. I'm out of breath from just sitting here. I just want to lay down flat or take a hot shower. Like scolding hot. (The kind of shower you aren't supposed to take while pregnant.) And take some damn ibuprofen and be able to eat and chew real food. Noises make me homicidal. People in general make me homicidal. Especially men. Oh and women. And dogs. I can't find a bra that fits. The one I'm wearing now offers little support and digs into my ribcage. But I can't afford new ones because I've driven us to the poor house with how sick I got.
**Dear conscious, Please don't make me say that Malcolm is worth all of that. We all I know he is. Blah blah blah. I just need to vent about how shitty I feel for a minute.**
Aaaand...breathe in the good. Breathe out the bad. (insert wheezing.) (Also insert gagging because it's stuffy in our bedroom and smells like morning breath)
Ok. So now that I got that off my chest, maybe I can move on with my day with a more positive outlook. I'm just uncomfortable, as is every pregnant woman at this stage.
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
Yes, you can make it. Every woman in their last month wonders if they will. We all do. One way or another. I will spend months of week ends lifting the work load for you. I will continue to come until you are sick of my old wrinkly face. Don't worry. It will be fine. You will be fine. Your family and all the craziness that comes with raising a family will be fine.
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