Alright, Mr. Malcolm. I'm ready! I technically have 2.5 days left until I'm 37 weeks (aka, full term) but he's measuring a week ahead. So I'm ready. I'm sooooo ready.
Today was so stressful. It really made me realize how much work our health care system needs. I won't go into all the boring details but I'll just say that Garrett and I have not had a chance catch up, financial for years.
Hardly anything was covered through infertility treatments. We knew and accepted this. We gave up traveling and vacations so we could pursue treatments. Then when we finally get pregnant, we have the most expensive, high risk pregnancy known to man. Then I get pregnant unexpectedly, which is automatically high risk. Plus the other issues I experienced during this pregnancy ate much of our money...not to mention I haven't been able to work much of this pregnancy and a lot of the last one too. And the icing on the cake? I went to try and get me teeth fixed today and found out that it's going to be at LEAST $2000...out of pocket. Probably going to be closer to $5000. Who has that kind of effing money?!
Siiiggghhhhh....
This is another reason why I'm getting my tubes tied. People ask me if I'm sure I'm done or they'll tell me I'll change my mind but I won't. Because not only do I make a terrible pregnant person, but we want to be able to provide comfortably for our boys. And we'll be able to do that once we "catch up" on the last 9 years. I know there will always be financially setbacks but we are completely depleted right now.
It just shouldn't be this hard to make ends meet. Somethings gotta give...
So, Malcolm, mommy is ready when you are. I think you'll be cheaper to take care of once you are on the outside.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Feeling Excited for Fitness!!!
I am daydreaming of being active again!!! Of having energy again!! And of getting my ass kicked again. I know it's going to be hard. Especially with my 2 Beebees. But I've done many difficult things in my life and I know being healthy is one of those things that is worth it and will ultimately benefit me and my family. G and I have agreed to set up times that we can each set aside to dedicate to ourselves.
I am also being realistic. I know i won't has as much time and/or energy like I did before so I will try not to get impatient and frustrated (yeah right. Lol) But seriously, I'm going to get back to it without the expectation that I will "bounce back" quickly. So many told me I would last time, and I didn't, despite my efforts. I was told the weight would "fall right off" and I hardly loat any after 1 week post partum.
I should have known better though. I don't want to use pcos as an excuse as to why I lose weight slowly, but I think there may be something to that. It took me a long time to lose weight before so I'm just going to do what I did before and put the scale away and focus on non scale victories. I have my fit bit ready to go again for when it's time as an extra little motivation. But the real motivation are my boys. And how amazing I feel when I am working on improving myself.
For now, I'll sit back and try to enjoy my last couple weeks for pregnancy. Then I'll focus on my recovery and figuring out how to juggle my babies. THEN I'll add in the fitness aspect. I'm hoping that by having some decent premade frozen meals, I can at least get back on board with the nutrition part.
I am also being realistic. I know i won't has as much time and/or energy like I did before so I will try not to get impatient and frustrated (yeah right. Lol) But seriously, I'm going to get back to it without the expectation that I will "bounce back" quickly. So many told me I would last time, and I didn't, despite my efforts. I was told the weight would "fall right off" and I hardly loat any after 1 week post partum.
I should have known better though. I don't want to use pcos as an excuse as to why I lose weight slowly, but I think there may be something to that. It took me a long time to lose weight before so I'm just going to do what I did before and put the scale away and focus on non scale victories. I have my fit bit ready to go again for when it's time as an extra little motivation. But the real motivation are my boys. And how amazing I feel when I am working on improving myself.
For now, I'll sit back and try to enjoy my last couple weeks for pregnancy. Then I'll focus on my recovery and figuring out how to juggle my babies. THEN I'll add in the fitness aspect. I'm hoping that by having some decent premade frozen meals, I can at least get back on board with the nutrition part.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Kids and Football
I'm not into sports. I never really have been. But it had never crossed my mind to not allow my boys to play football. However, that is where Garrett and I ate at right now.
Garrett, being from a small town, was into sports. He was especially into football. As a result, he had several concussions before the end of his high school days and I'm not sure how many other injuries that still affect him today, including a shoulder injury. All this before the age of 18. And for what? He certainly doesn't make a living off of football. A ll he has to show for such a rough sport is a 24/7 headache that he is convinced is from those numerous concussions he had. He's lived with this headache for almost 4 years now. It doesn't go away. Ever. He's been to about every specialist, including the Mayo clinic. Nothing has helped.
Aside from just Garretts stuff, I've seen stories in my news feed of MIDDLE SCHOOL football players being taken off the field on stretchers amd taken to the ER. High school students with multiple reoccurring injuries. Fresh college students whose potential football careers ended before they could even begin because they've injured themselves so much and had to have multiple surgeries in such a short amount of time.
I swear I'm not going to be that parent that never let's their child do anything fun because they **might** get hurt. But Garrett has opened my eyes to how scary football can be. There's no reason he should be showing my videos of gradeschoolers playing full contact football and knocking each other out.
Garrett lives every day with a headache
We don't want that for our boys. They can play baseball, basketball, track, golf, you name it. Just not football. I know injuries occur in any sport, but at least they aren't throwing themselves full force at one another intentionally.
I also want to clarify that I don't think it's wrong for people to allow their kids to play football. So please don't think that. There are plenty of kids who play football and are perfectly fine!!! =) Garrett just feels very strongly about this and I can't blame him. So I'm backing him 110%. But I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or that you're a horrible person if you do. This is just one thing we are choosing to be the overprotective parents about!
Garrett, being from a small town, was into sports. He was especially into football. As a result, he had several concussions before the end of his high school days and I'm not sure how many other injuries that still affect him today, including a shoulder injury. All this before the age of 18. And for what? He certainly doesn't make a living off of football. A ll he has to show for such a rough sport is a 24/7 headache that he is convinced is from those numerous concussions he had. He's lived with this headache for almost 4 years now. It doesn't go away. Ever. He's been to about every specialist, including the Mayo clinic. Nothing has helped.
Aside from just Garretts stuff, I've seen stories in my news feed of MIDDLE SCHOOL football players being taken off the field on stretchers amd taken to the ER. High school students with multiple reoccurring injuries. Fresh college students whose potential football careers ended before they could even begin because they've injured themselves so much and had to have multiple surgeries in such a short amount of time.
I swear I'm not going to be that parent that never let's their child do anything fun because they **might** get hurt. But Garrett has opened my eyes to how scary football can be. There's no reason he should be showing my videos of gradeschoolers playing full contact football and knocking each other out.
Garrett lives every day with a headache
We don't want that for our boys. They can play baseball, basketball, track, golf, you name it. Just not football. I know injuries occur in any sport, but at least they aren't throwing themselves full force at one another intentionally.
I also want to clarify that I don't think it's wrong for people to allow their kids to play football. So please don't think that. There are plenty of kids who play football and are perfectly fine!!! =) Garrett just feels very strongly about this and I can't blame him. So I'm backing him 110%. But I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or that you're a horrible person if you do. This is just one thing we are choosing to be the overprotective parents about!
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Things Pregnant Women Don't Need to Hear
Why is it people feel the need to tell you the most horrific stories about pregnancy/birth when you are pregnant yourself?! Someone posted a story and before it even starts, it addresses new mothers and pregnant women. So I thought, oh hey. I'm pregnant. I should read this.
Nope. I should not have read it. It had a great moral for new mothers. Pregnant women? Not so much.
**If you're pregnant, you might want to skip the rest of this post so you can be saved the anxieties that I will now have every day until this baby comes.**
The story is about this poor woman, bless her heart, who was towards the end of her pregnancy, went to bed with her baby in her belly kicking away. Woke up the next morning and her baby had just stopped moving. And had died overnight with no warning. I stopped reading there in an attempt to forget what I had just read.
My heart goes out to this woman. And I understand that she's wanting others to appreciate what they have. But this is the last thing my already anxious pregnant self needs to read. I had nightmares about losing my baby last night. Then I woke up and Malcolm didn't move for about 30 minutes. He was probably sleeping, but in my mind, he was dead. I have 25 more days of this now thanks to that fucking article.
As a new mom, I could see this article helping put a little positive spin on those nights that seem endless, and make you hug your baby a little tighter. But, how does this info benefit an expecting woman who probably already has a whole shit load of anxieties as it is?
I could just be overly sensitive. I hardly sleep as it is. Now I'm so paranoid that if Malcolm doesn't move ever couple minutes, I start to panic. Ugghhh....
So glad I'm almost done. My nerves can't take much more.
Nope. I should not have read it. It had a great moral for new mothers. Pregnant women? Not so much.
**If you're pregnant, you might want to skip the rest of this post so you can be saved the anxieties that I will now have every day until this baby comes.**
The story is about this poor woman, bless her heart, who was towards the end of her pregnancy, went to bed with her baby in her belly kicking away. Woke up the next morning and her baby had just stopped moving. And had died overnight with no warning. I stopped reading there in an attempt to forget what I had just read.
My heart goes out to this woman. And I understand that she's wanting others to appreciate what they have. But this is the last thing my already anxious pregnant self needs to read. I had nightmares about losing my baby last night. Then I woke up and Malcolm didn't move for about 30 minutes. He was probably sleeping, but in my mind, he was dead. I have 25 more days of this now thanks to that fucking article.
As a new mom, I could see this article helping put a little positive spin on those nights that seem endless, and make you hug your baby a little tighter. But, how does this info benefit an expecting woman who probably already has a whole shit load of anxieties as it is?
I could just be overly sensitive. I hardly sleep as it is. Now I'm so paranoid that if Malcolm doesn't move ever couple minutes, I start to panic. Ugghhh....
So glad I'm almost done. My nerves can't take much more.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Hard night...
Last night was a hard night with Mason. It was one in which I had to admit defeat, step back, and let Garrett step in. Mason was soooo tired and wouldn't stop crying. Real tears. No matter what we did, he'd cry. It was one of those nights where we just had to put him in his crib so he could let off some steam and cry for a bit. I'm not a fan of the cry it out method but it was literally the ONLY thing we could do. Of course, we don't just put him in there and walk away. We keep checking on him. Letting him know we are still here and making sure he's ok. He just was so wound up and us being in there or holding him was making it worse.
But I literally have to walk away after a while and let Garrett take over in situations like thst. I can't just sit there. Luckily, it doesn't happen often at all!!! I had to go to a room where I couldn't hear him. He was asleep in a matter of about 15 minutes. But I was a sobbing mess because I felt like I was failing him. I couldn't comfort him. And I just lost it because, I don't know how it is for other moms, but that is the WORST feeling as a parent; not being able to comfort your child despite your best efforts to do so. I'm so thankful for my calm, rational husband. He dealt with the situation so gracefully then checked on me as soon as Mason was asleep.
I felt so overwhelmed last night. It doesn't help being 9 freaking months pregnant but I couldn't help but get overwhelmed at the thought of those kinds of nights with Mase with the added newborn to that situation. But I suppose you just do it. I'll take one baby and Garrett will take the other. I just wish I had the grace and composure that Garrett does in those situations. I do ok up to a certain point. But I definitely don't retain the calmness that Garrett has.
I've been pregnant for most of Mason's life, though. So I suppose remaining rational and calm is a bit of a task right now. Perhaps once the hormones level back out, I will do a little better. All I know is last night was hard. I hope Mase gets better sleep today. He only had 1 really shitty nap yesterday and by bedtime, he was exhausted! But so worked up. Ugghhh...
And I have had hardly any sleep for the last couple months. So there's that too...
But I literally have to walk away after a while and let Garrett take over in situations like thst. I can't just sit there. Luckily, it doesn't happen often at all!!! I had to go to a room where I couldn't hear him. He was asleep in a matter of about 15 minutes. But I was a sobbing mess because I felt like I was failing him. I couldn't comfort him. And I just lost it because, I don't know how it is for other moms, but that is the WORST feeling as a parent; not being able to comfort your child despite your best efforts to do so. I'm so thankful for my calm, rational husband. He dealt with the situation so gracefully then checked on me as soon as Mason was asleep.
I felt so overwhelmed last night. It doesn't help being 9 freaking months pregnant but I couldn't help but get overwhelmed at the thought of those kinds of nights with Mase with the added newborn to that situation. But I suppose you just do it. I'll take one baby and Garrett will take the other. I just wish I had the grace and composure that Garrett does in those situations. I do ok up to a certain point. But I definitely don't retain the calmness that Garrett has.
I've been pregnant for most of Mason's life, though. So I suppose remaining rational and calm is a bit of a task right now. Perhaps once the hormones level back out, I will do a little better. All I know is last night was hard. I hope Mase gets better sleep today. He only had 1 really shitty nap yesterday and by bedtime, he was exhausted! But so worked up. Ugghhh...
And I have had hardly any sleep for the last couple months. So there's that too...
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Whiney Train to Whine Town
**Disclaimer: I'm a whiney bitch today.**
I cannot get more than an hour of sleep at a time and it's really starting to wear on me. And my jaw/teeth hurt sooo bad. I have a tooth I need to get fixed but I don't think I can handle having someone's hands in my mouth due to my overly sensitive gag reflex. But all I can take is Tylenol...and that really doesn't help. The heartburn. Oh god, the heartburn. I'm sooooo sick of feeling burning acid crawling up my throat and esophagus. My brain is pounding. The pressure on my crotch is horrid. Whenever Malcolm moves, it feels like my cervix is ripping in half. Everything smells like shit. I'm out of breath from just sitting here. I just want to lay down flat or take a hot shower. Like scolding hot. (The kind of shower you aren't supposed to take while pregnant.) And take some damn ibuprofen and be able to eat and chew real food. Noises make me homicidal. People in general make me homicidal. Especially men. Oh and women. And dogs. I can't find a bra that fits. The one I'm wearing now offers little support and digs into my ribcage. But I can't afford new ones because I've driven us to the poor house with how sick I got.
**Dear conscious, Please don't make me say that Malcolm is worth all of that. We all I know he is. Blah blah blah. I just need to vent about how shitty I feel for a minute.**
Aaaand...breathe in the good. Breathe out the bad. (insert wheezing.) (Also insert gagging because it's stuffy in our bedroom and smells like morning breath)
Ok. So now that I got that off my chest, maybe I can move on with my day with a more positive outlook. I'm just uncomfortable, as is every pregnant woman at this stage.
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
I'm sooooo ready for Malcolm to be on the outside. Yet I'm also terrified. You kind of forget that post partum feeling you get when the high of birth wears off and you feel overwhelmed...like you can't do this. And you feel so tired and vulnerable. I'm terrified of trying to take care of Mason and Malcolm while my incision heals. I know myself and I ALWAYS push it. I'm always trying to do everything myself. So mom!!! I know you are reading this. DON'T let me do that.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of allowing people to help me more this time. I don't know why I have this need to be able to do everything myself. But I can't do this myself. Or even just with hubby's help. We'll need outside help. At least until I heal up a bit more and we have some kind of routine figured out.
Mason is in a pretty good routine now. He goes down to sleep with ease most nights now. I do worry a bit that this will throw a wrench in his routine though. I know we aren't the first people to have kids this close together and I'm pretty sure we'll survive. I guess I'm starting to fear all of the "unknowns" at the moment. I do know we'll be ok. I just think it may get a little bit crazier before it levels out. Or until we get used to the crazy. Lol.
All my worries aside, I really am getting excited. 31 days until we are meeting little man #2. I'm excited to see what kind of person he is. And to watch the relationship between him and Mason grow. Such an exciting time!!!
31 days. I can make it 31 more days, right?!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
34 Weeks
Ive been slacking a bit on my blogging. But it's been pretty crazy! I'm not sure how often I'll be hitting up the blog after Malcolm is here. I hope tomat least update once in a while about my fitness journey back to being healthy but I guess we'll see!!!
How Far Along? 34 weeks and 1 day!!! 35 days to go!!!!
Baby this Week? Baby is about 17.75 inches and is about 4.75 pounds, unless you're my baby...which measured at 5.5 pounds last week, so he's probably somewhere closer to 6. The vernix (or that waxy protective coating) is getting thicker while he is losing the lanugo (the fine hair that grows all over their body in the womb.) His lungs are maturing with every passing day as he prepares for life outside the womb. He's also !moving lower down into the birth canal, which explains the tingling/prickling sensation I feel when he moves. And according to our last sizing ultrasound, Malcolm is REALLY low. But luckily, I still have 3.5 Cervix left!!!
Symptoms? Pretty normal stuff this week. Can't seem to catch my breath...ever. But that is pretty normal at this point. My body is going through some significant strain. I have that constant fatigue where you feel like you could quite literally sleep ALL DAY. But we all know that can't happen when you have a 1 year old. Lol. Nausea has been pretty minimal...only flaring up a bit when I get too hungry. Peeing all the time. Starting to feel more and more pressure on my lady bits! And Malcolm is a crazy mover in there!!!!!! Mason moved a lot but his movements were more gentle! Malcolm is a bully. He's beating the shit outta me from the inside. At one point, I felt this horrid pain, and I thought my uterus was ripping or something. My hand immediately went to the area that hurt and it was a foot or a leg pushing out really hard!!! I had to push it back! And he's had quite a bit of movements like that since then! Ow! Little turd!!!
Cravings/Aversions? My appetite seems to be leveling out and normalizing! Yesterday, I wanted salmon, broccoli and mashed potatoes. So I'm kind of starting to want a bit more balanced meals. I still crave sweets but honestly, I think it's due to having so many treats during this pregnancy that I'm probably addicted to sugar all over again! I'll be fixing that after pregnancy. It's nice not craving sweets all the time. But I'm riding out the next 35 days. Lol.
Goals for the Week? I'm working on a commission painting plus a painting that I'm doing on my own. I'm hoping to finish those this week! Maybe someone will want to buy the painting I'm doing on my own and I can buy one of the few things I need for Malcolm. I don't need much, but I do need a double stroller and a front carrier! My brother is bringing his double stroller to see if our carsesat is compatible. If it is, then I'm splurging and getting a GOOD carrier. My mom friends seem to love a brand called Tula but they run around $160. So cross your fingers that I can sell a painting or 2!!!
Mason? Omigosh! He's such a little beast these days! And such a happy boy, most days! He started doing a little unassisted walking this last week! He looks like Frankenstein when he does it! It's the most adorable thing in the world!!! That has been his major development! It's going to be hard to leave him for 3 days during our c section. I know he'll come visit but he's not going to want to stay at the hospital for very long! He's a man on the go! I know he'll have fun with my parents, though! And he'll be in good hands! But still, I'll be missing him!
I'll try to get a new belly pic up here! It's been a while since I've updated a belly pic on here.
How Far Along? 34 weeks and 1 day!!! 35 days to go!!!!
Baby this Week? Baby is about 17.75 inches and is about 4.75 pounds, unless you're my baby...which measured at 5.5 pounds last week, so he's probably somewhere closer to 6. The vernix (or that waxy protective coating) is getting thicker while he is losing the lanugo (the fine hair that grows all over their body in the womb.) His lungs are maturing with every passing day as he prepares for life outside the womb. He's also !moving lower down into the birth canal, which explains the tingling/prickling sensation I feel when he moves. And according to our last sizing ultrasound, Malcolm is REALLY low. But luckily, I still have 3.5 Cervix left!!!
Symptoms? Pretty normal stuff this week. Can't seem to catch my breath...ever. But that is pretty normal at this point. My body is going through some significant strain. I have that constant fatigue where you feel like you could quite literally sleep ALL DAY. But we all know that can't happen when you have a 1 year old. Lol. Nausea has been pretty minimal...only flaring up a bit when I get too hungry. Peeing all the time. Starting to feel more and more pressure on my lady bits! And Malcolm is a crazy mover in there!!!!!! Mason moved a lot but his movements were more gentle! Malcolm is a bully. He's beating the shit outta me from the inside. At one point, I felt this horrid pain, and I thought my uterus was ripping or something. My hand immediately went to the area that hurt and it was a foot or a leg pushing out really hard!!! I had to push it back! And he's had quite a bit of movements like that since then! Ow! Little turd!!!
Cravings/Aversions? My appetite seems to be leveling out and normalizing! Yesterday, I wanted salmon, broccoli and mashed potatoes. So I'm kind of starting to want a bit more balanced meals. I still crave sweets but honestly, I think it's due to having so many treats during this pregnancy that I'm probably addicted to sugar all over again! I'll be fixing that after pregnancy. It's nice not craving sweets all the time. But I'm riding out the next 35 days. Lol.
Goals for the Week? I'm working on a commission painting plus a painting that I'm doing on my own. I'm hoping to finish those this week! Maybe someone will want to buy the painting I'm doing on my own and I can buy one of the few things I need for Malcolm. I don't need much, but I do need a double stroller and a front carrier! My brother is bringing his double stroller to see if our carsesat is compatible. If it is, then I'm splurging and getting a GOOD carrier. My mom friends seem to love a brand called Tula but they run around $160. So cross your fingers that I can sell a painting or 2!!!
Mason? Omigosh! He's such a little beast these days! And such a happy boy, most days! He started doing a little unassisted walking this last week! He looks like Frankenstein when he does it! It's the most adorable thing in the world!!! That has been his major development! It's going to be hard to leave him for 3 days during our c section. I know he'll come visit but he's not going to want to stay at the hospital for very long! He's a man on the go! I know he'll have fun with my parents, though! And he'll be in good hands! But still, I'll be missing him!
I'll try to get a new belly pic up here! It's been a while since I've updated a belly pic on here.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Nesting, Mister Malcolm update and an Affair?!?!
My mom has been over helping us out with some things!!! I am feeling more and more ready every day for this baby to be here, and I don't just mean my body is ready to be done. Lol. I mean as far as my nesting goes! I didn't get to do much nesting last time so it feels good to finish projects I'd been wanting done since last year. Not things that are vital to baby's arrival, but feel good to be taken care of, nonetheless. My list is almost completely taken care of!
We had our sizing ultrasound on Friday! Mister Malcolm is a big dude!!! He's already measuring at over 5 pounds!!! So if we do end up going to term, we will have an 8-9 pounder! We have a follow-up appointment with Dr Miser on Tuesday so we'll see how she feels about the size. I won't lie, there is part of me that is hoping she'll want to bump up the c section a week since he's measuring a week ahead. I know it's better for baby to cook longer...I'm just saying, I wouldn't be sad if I had only 5 weeks left instead of 6. Lol
And here's one more good story for the books. And it's a GOOD one. While mom and I were out shopping with Mason, a lady came to our door and told Garrett I was having an affair with her husband and that I was carrying his baby. Yep. I shit you not. G said she was convinced of it and was very upset. G, of course, tried to tell her that there was NO way that was possible seeing as I've A) basically been pregnant and on bed rest for 2 years and B) I've basically been with G 24/7 for months because up until recently, I've been too sick to even take care of our son by myself, let alone have any affairs.
Anyway, so she told G she was coming back with pictures. And he was like, yes. Please do, as he knows whoever is in these pictures was not me. By the time she came back, mom and I were back home. And I'm super glad we were because I was able to talk to her. To her credit, she was very civil under the circumstances. She introduced herself and asked if I knew a certain tattoo artist in town. I said I knew of him but never met him. She said I knew her husband through this tattoo artist. I have never even heard her husband's name or hers until yesterday.
She told me she GPS tracked her husband driving up and down our street a bunch of times, apparently. She said she knew my name was "Vanessa" although she had the lady name wrong. She said she knew we had a couple of "beaitiful" dogs. And she said she saw a bunch of text messages coming from my phone. At that point, I had to ask her what number were these texts coming from. She said that her hubby unfortunately deleted the number. I offered for her to look through my phone, which she turned down. So I offered up my phone number in case they pop up again. I have nothing to hide. At this point, she had already been having a change of heart. You could tell. She never offered up the pictures because it was probably obvious I was not the woman in the pictures.
She also saw our little Mister Mason and how visibly VERY pregnant I am and probably thought to herself that there is NO WAY I would have had time to fit in an affair between these kiddos and all that bed rest. My mom chimed in at this point and said "ya know, her dogs really aren't that beautiful." I kinda laughed and said, no I suppose they wouldn't be considered that beautiful to the average person. The lady said "they're malamutes, right?" I told her no and let my dogs in so she could see her. I think that was the final proof she needed to be convinced she had the wrong Vanessa. She said she felt really embarrassed and apologized up and down about everything. She lives around the corner from us apparently and when she GPSed her husband driving up and down our road, then saw my license plates on my old intrepid that say Nessa, she made the assumption that it was me having the affair.
By the time she left, she wanted to commission me to paint her a Boba Fett. Lol. So it was definitely an interesting turn of events and not how I expected that whole exchange to go. Lol. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Just because her hubby isn't cheating with me, doesn't mean he's not cheating with someone. So, again, to her credit, she was very civil considering she was convinced I was sleeping with her husband. And she was able to rationalize that it didn't make sense. I think lots of women wouldn't be able to make any sound judgements in that situation...despite proof saying otherwise.
Most of my close friends know that I currently do not even like men at the moment. Hahah! Or anyone, for that fact...unless you are already my friend. So the thought of an affair sounds like some form of torture. Lol.
I'm glad me and G are so stable in our relationship. And that we have NEVER had trust issues. That whole scenario could have shaken an unstable relationship but it has left ours unscathed. G never thought even for a minute that there was any truth to her story. That, in and of itself, makes me sooooo incredibly thankful for the sturdiness of our relationship and the amount of trust we have. It would have been the same if the tables were flipped and some dude was knocking on our door accusing G of having an affair. Aside from hard proof, you couldn't pay me enough to believe it.
So, yes. Interesting to say the least!! I'm glad it all ended well (for us anyway) because that could have been a seriously ugly situation...
We had our sizing ultrasound on Friday! Mister Malcolm is a big dude!!! He's already measuring at over 5 pounds!!! So if we do end up going to term, we will have an 8-9 pounder! We have a follow-up appointment with Dr Miser on Tuesday so we'll see how she feels about the size. I won't lie, there is part of me that is hoping she'll want to bump up the c section a week since he's measuring a week ahead. I know it's better for baby to cook longer...I'm just saying, I wouldn't be sad if I had only 5 weeks left instead of 6. Lol
And here's one more good story for the books. And it's a GOOD one. While mom and I were out shopping with Mason, a lady came to our door and told Garrett I was having an affair with her husband and that I was carrying his baby. Yep. I shit you not. G said she was convinced of it and was very upset. G, of course, tried to tell her that there was NO way that was possible seeing as I've A) basically been pregnant and on bed rest for 2 years and B) I've basically been with G 24/7 for months because up until recently, I've been too sick to even take care of our son by myself, let alone have any affairs.
Anyway, so she told G she was coming back with pictures. And he was like, yes. Please do, as he knows whoever is in these pictures was not me. By the time she came back, mom and I were back home. And I'm super glad we were because I was able to talk to her. To her credit, she was very civil under the circumstances. She introduced herself and asked if I knew a certain tattoo artist in town. I said I knew of him but never met him. She said I knew her husband through this tattoo artist. I have never even heard her husband's name or hers until yesterday.
She told me she GPS tracked her husband driving up and down our street a bunch of times, apparently. She said she knew my name was "Vanessa" although she had the lady name wrong. She said she knew we had a couple of "beaitiful" dogs. And she said she saw a bunch of text messages coming from my phone. At that point, I had to ask her what number were these texts coming from. She said that her hubby unfortunately deleted the number. I offered for her to look through my phone, which she turned down. So I offered up my phone number in case they pop up again. I have nothing to hide. At this point, she had already been having a change of heart. You could tell. She never offered up the pictures because it was probably obvious I was not the woman in the pictures.
She also saw our little Mister Mason and how visibly VERY pregnant I am and probably thought to herself that there is NO WAY I would have had time to fit in an affair between these kiddos and all that bed rest. My mom chimed in at this point and said "ya know, her dogs really aren't that beautiful." I kinda laughed and said, no I suppose they wouldn't be considered that beautiful to the average person. The lady said "they're malamutes, right?" I told her no and let my dogs in so she could see her. I think that was the final proof she needed to be convinced she had the wrong Vanessa. She said she felt really embarrassed and apologized up and down about everything. She lives around the corner from us apparently and when she GPSed her husband driving up and down our road, then saw my license plates on my old intrepid that say Nessa, she made the assumption that it was me having the affair.
By the time she left, she wanted to commission me to paint her a Boba Fett. Lol. So it was definitely an interesting turn of events and not how I expected that whole exchange to go. Lol. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Just because her hubby isn't cheating with me, doesn't mean he's not cheating with someone. So, again, to her credit, she was very civil considering she was convinced I was sleeping with her husband. And she was able to rationalize that it didn't make sense. I think lots of women wouldn't be able to make any sound judgements in that situation...despite proof saying otherwise.
Most of my close friends know that I currently do not even like men at the moment. Hahah! Or anyone, for that fact...unless you are already my friend. So the thought of an affair sounds like some form of torture. Lol.
I'm glad me and G are so stable in our relationship. And that we have NEVER had trust issues. That whole scenario could have shaken an unstable relationship but it has left ours unscathed. G never thought even for a minute that there was any truth to her story. That, in and of itself, makes me sooooo incredibly thankful for the sturdiness of our relationship and the amount of trust we have. It would have been the same if the tables were flipped and some dude was knocking on our door accusing G of having an affair. Aside from hard proof, you couldn't pay me enough to believe it.
So, yes. Interesting to say the least!! I'm glad it all ended well (for us anyway) because that could have been a seriously ugly situation...
Friday, September 4, 2015
Feelings. Nothing more than feeeelings...
As we get closer to having this baby, I feel more and more emotions every day!!! And I feel them all so intensely, it can be a bit overwhelming. Here just a little sample of what I feel every day:
Excitement!!! OK this one is a given. We have about 6 weeks left until our c section. 6 weeks until my infertility battle is COMPLETELY done. 6 weeks until we get to meet this new little dude that made his way into our lives...that insisted on being here so hard, that he told us that we can shove our birth control methods up our you know whats. 6 weeks until these difficult pregnancies are behind me and my body will go back to being my own (minus the breastfeeding stuff) forever.
Sadness. I know we want this to be our last baby. 2 babies makes sense for us financially. We feel beyond lucky and blessed to have 1 child, let alone 2. And a family of 4 feels so perfect. But there is a bittersweetness in knowing that this will be the last time. Yes, my pregnancies have been hard, but getting to experience them at all is amazing in and of itself. Feeling a baby move and kick and squirm in your belly is an experience denied by many so I am trying to soak that up. Sharing your body with another human is hard, but also one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. So while I'm happy to almost be done, I'm also a bit sad.
Fear! This usually happens on hard days with Mason. Or days when G and I are tired and/or don't feel good. Or right after we pay bills. I always mutter "how are we going to do this?" I usually answer my own question and tell myself that we will do this just like every other set of parents do. By just doing it. You just make it work. We are not the first and only parents to have babies this close together. Some have multiple babies at once (God bless you people!!!) It will be hard at times...and from what I hear, the first year is quite an adjustment. But we'll find our groove. And we will be OK.
Worry. This is kind of a big one for me as I am such a huge worrier by nature anyway. And when people say "oh don't worry so much about x, y, or z" I just laugh a little because apparently there is a worry switch that you can just flip and turn it off. My main worry is about Mason. I am worried about the adjustment of a new baby in our lives when he is still a baby himself. I know he will be fine and he'll never remember a time without Malcolm. And hopefully, they will be best buddies. But still, I'm worried about that adjustment period for him as I can't really explain to him that Malcolm is his little brother and that we still love him just as much as before! That is my main worry. Things will work out...and I do know that. It's just gonna get a bit crazier for a while. I have a huge list of worries but I won't delve into allmof them. I could probably do a whole post just about this one emotion...
Anger. OK so, this is just an end of pregnancy thing, I think. I feel like murdering everyone for doing the smallest things. Mostly my dogs, who, I swear I love dearly...usually. But right now, they stink, they are ALWAYS in my bubble, their nails click too loudly on the linoleum, they bark obnoxiously at that super scary child riding his bike down THEIR road. The list goes on. Then, when I go out in public...you better just get out of my way. I usually start off having manners but then by the 5th person who does not return manners, I'm done. And...I won't even go into driving. I'll just say I'm pretty sure there is fire shooting out of my eyeballs by the time I get to my destination. And it's a good thing that vehicles don't come equipped with laser cannons.
Guilt. I won't elaborate on this one because so much of my blog is filled with guilt that it seems redundant to talk about. So just know that it's there too.
Unstable Craziness. OK so I'm not sure this is a real emotion but for the purpose of this blog, it is. So just roll with it. If you disagree, please reread my anger entry and reevaluate your opinion. For this "emotion" I am mostly referring to the things that set me off with any specific emotion to an insane degree. Let me give and example; 2 days ago, I noticed my dog chewed through one of my very very FEW comfy maternity pants that I have left in this world. And the way I sobbed, you would have thought there was a death in the family. (There almost was: my dog.). But I seriously lost it. I believe when Garrett asked what was wrong, my response between sobs was "I just want to to be comfortable" It's funny now, I admit. But at the time, it felt like a real crisis. Lol!!! And this sort of thing happens every day now. I hope Garrett can stand living with me for the next 6 weeks!
Exhaustion. I have no way of knowing how tired I will be with a newborn and a toddler, but I assume it's something close to what I feel now. I didn't feel this tired when Mase was a newborn. I am just exhausted. I can't sleep more than a half hour..maybe am hour tops at a time. I sleep sitting up and have for months. There are no comfortable positions to sleep in at the moment. Last week, Garrett asked if I had been wearing makeup because there was so much dark under my eyes. Nope. Not wearing makeup. That's just how I look. Lol.
Joy. Complete and utter joy and contentment. Thinking about how far we've come, how hard we worked and how we never "gave up" on our dreams to be parents makes me so happy. We have spent most of our married lives with no savings in order to pursue infertility treatments. We've depleted our resources paying for my medical issues during pregnancy. We have sacrificed time with family and friends, we've missed special, unreplicable occasions, such as weddings, family reunions, camping trips, birthdays....all for the sake of creating our family and it's paid off. And in 6 weeks, we can go on living out lives again. We don't need to feel like we are in pause mode anymore. We can start tucking away a little money again. We will be DONE with this chapter. Finally. And we can just live our lives "normally" again. It's been a loooong journey. But worth every second.
Excitement!!! OK this one is a given. We have about 6 weeks left until our c section. 6 weeks until my infertility battle is COMPLETELY done. 6 weeks until we get to meet this new little dude that made his way into our lives...that insisted on being here so hard, that he told us that we can shove our birth control methods up our you know whats. 6 weeks until these difficult pregnancies are behind me and my body will go back to being my own (minus the breastfeeding stuff) forever.
Sadness. I know we want this to be our last baby. 2 babies makes sense for us financially. We feel beyond lucky and blessed to have 1 child, let alone 2. And a family of 4 feels so perfect. But there is a bittersweetness in knowing that this will be the last time. Yes, my pregnancies have been hard, but getting to experience them at all is amazing in and of itself. Feeling a baby move and kick and squirm in your belly is an experience denied by many so I am trying to soak that up. Sharing your body with another human is hard, but also one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. So while I'm happy to almost be done, I'm also a bit sad.
Fear! This usually happens on hard days with Mason. Or days when G and I are tired and/or don't feel good. Or right after we pay bills. I always mutter "how are we going to do this?" I usually answer my own question and tell myself that we will do this just like every other set of parents do. By just doing it. You just make it work. We are not the first and only parents to have babies this close together. Some have multiple babies at once (God bless you people!!!) It will be hard at times...and from what I hear, the first year is quite an adjustment. But we'll find our groove. And we will be OK.
Worry. This is kind of a big one for me as I am such a huge worrier by nature anyway. And when people say "oh don't worry so much about x, y, or z" I just laugh a little because apparently there is a worry switch that you can just flip and turn it off. My main worry is about Mason. I am worried about the adjustment of a new baby in our lives when he is still a baby himself. I know he will be fine and he'll never remember a time without Malcolm. And hopefully, they will be best buddies. But still, I'm worried about that adjustment period for him as I can't really explain to him that Malcolm is his little brother and that we still love him just as much as before! That is my main worry. Things will work out...and I do know that. It's just gonna get a bit crazier for a while. I have a huge list of worries but I won't delve into allmof them. I could probably do a whole post just about this one emotion...
Anger. OK so, this is just an end of pregnancy thing, I think. I feel like murdering everyone for doing the smallest things. Mostly my dogs, who, I swear I love dearly...usually. But right now, they stink, they are ALWAYS in my bubble, their nails click too loudly on the linoleum, they bark obnoxiously at that super scary child riding his bike down THEIR road. The list goes on. Then, when I go out in public...you better just get out of my way. I usually start off having manners but then by the 5th person who does not return manners, I'm done. And...I won't even go into driving. I'll just say I'm pretty sure there is fire shooting out of my eyeballs by the time I get to my destination. And it's a good thing that vehicles don't come equipped with laser cannons.
Guilt. I won't elaborate on this one because so much of my blog is filled with guilt that it seems redundant to talk about. So just know that it's there too.
Unstable Craziness. OK so I'm not sure this is a real emotion but for the purpose of this blog, it is. So just roll with it. If you disagree, please reread my anger entry and reevaluate your opinion. For this "emotion" I am mostly referring to the things that set me off with any specific emotion to an insane degree. Let me give and example; 2 days ago, I noticed my dog chewed through one of my very very FEW comfy maternity pants that I have left in this world. And the way I sobbed, you would have thought there was a death in the family. (There almost was: my dog.). But I seriously lost it. I believe when Garrett asked what was wrong, my response between sobs was "I just want to to be comfortable" It's funny now, I admit. But at the time, it felt like a real crisis. Lol!!! And this sort of thing happens every day now. I hope Garrett can stand living with me for the next 6 weeks!
Exhaustion. I have no way of knowing how tired I will be with a newborn and a toddler, but I assume it's something close to what I feel now. I didn't feel this tired when Mase was a newborn. I am just exhausted. I can't sleep more than a half hour..maybe am hour tops at a time. I sleep sitting up and have for months. There are no comfortable positions to sleep in at the moment. Last week, Garrett asked if I had been wearing makeup because there was so much dark under my eyes. Nope. Not wearing makeup. That's just how I look. Lol.
Joy. Complete and utter joy and contentment. Thinking about how far we've come, how hard we worked and how we never "gave up" on our dreams to be parents makes me so happy. We have spent most of our married lives with no savings in order to pursue infertility treatments. We've depleted our resources paying for my medical issues during pregnancy. We have sacrificed time with family and friends, we've missed special, unreplicable occasions, such as weddings, family reunions, camping trips, birthdays....all for the sake of creating our family and it's paid off. And in 6 weeks, we can go on living out lives again. We don't need to feel like we are in pause mode anymore. We can start tucking away a little money again. We will be DONE with this chapter. Finally. And we can just live our lives "normally" again. It's been a loooong journey. But worth every second.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Update! I know you've been just waiting!!!
Soooo a little update. I know a few of you are wondering about my super tender crotch. I went in to get checked out yesterday and Malcolm is definitely starting to drop. My OB could tell he was getting lower! She said that probably explains the sharper pains towards my cervix. As far as the tenderness, she said I was a bit swollen and had a pH imbalance going on and prescribed an antibiotic to clear that up. She seemed confident that that is what was causing the tenderness. We are keeping our appointment for next week to follow up. But my nerves feel better! I always joke with them about how they will miss my frantic voicemail and seeing or hearing from me every week after this baby comes! They assured me they always love seeing my "smiling face.".
We have a size vs. date ultrasound on Friday. We'll see how this little buddy is growing in there. Here's a quick belly shot. It's super blurry and take in my diary garage gym (oh how I miss it in there. Those weights by my feet will be loved again someday!!!).
And here is my punkin pants, as I often call him. This kid has my heart, for sure! He's not feeling well tonight. Poor kid. Snotty nose and super tired. Luckily, he was able to fall asleep pretty easily, all things considered!
I also find it necessary to post his first selfie! Lol
And here's one last pic. Me, trying to relax while Malcolm destroys my insides! Lol.
I'm so close to the end. And as I get closer, I try to remind myself that this will be my last baby! And to try to "enjoy" what is left of this pregnancy as much as I can. But...let's be honest. I'm ready to be done! I'll do my best to enjoy the good parts but the people who tell you to enjoy it are the ones who either A) have smooth, amazing pregnancies or B) are done having babies and forgot how tough pregnancy can be!
And on that note, I do have to confess...I feel bad about feeling to annoyed about people complaining of their pregnancies while I was going through infertility! I never said anything to anyone about it so I'm glad I kept my mouth shut so I didn't invalidate anyone's feelings! I knew deep down that there were hard parts about being pregnant. I just knew I would do anything for the privilege of growing a person. But I underestimated how hard pregnancy can be, physically and emotionally. It's all very much worth it but parts of pregnancy can downright suck! I don't think I could wrap my head around the fact that you can hate pregnancy but still love and appreciate what you have. And being on "the other side" now, I have to admit that I was harsh in my thinking at times. But I suppose it's one of those things that you just can't know unless you've been there.
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