My thoughts now? I still would never bitch to someone going through infertility or any kind of loss. I don't publicly bitch on FB or IG because I don't know who is going through what but I know that enough people on both have fertility issues. I bitch on my blog because this in my space and people are here by choice. I think the key is to know who your audience is. I even moved from my infertility blog to a new space to give people the option of following me here.
Having said that, I hate being pregnant. I don't hate what comes at the end. But I make a terrible pregnant person. It's beyond stressful considering my history and this time around, the nausea has been so crippling and I have fell into a bit if a depression. This is not a good time. No one can reasonably expect me to feel pure joy and happiness when I can't even take care of my existing child, and barely take care of myself or the baby growing inside me. Yet, there's a part of me getting mad at myself for not being able to be grateful at any given moment. This may be something I need to eventually address with a therapist, in all honesty. Because it's a reoccurring theme even in this blog when I intended to leave the guilt in my last blog.
But I digress.
Both my babies are complete miracles in their own way but I am going to be so happy when I'm done with pregnancy. Forever. And can go about my life like a normal, crazy, busy, sleep-deprived parent. That will be a glorious day. Only 5 more months...
This pregnancy is solidifying my desire for this to be our last baby. It's just too stressful. And I never thought I would have 1 child let alone 2. G is on board with 2 babies.
I will say, I am feeling better so far this week. My hope is that I'll just slowly start feeling better and better each day until I feel good enough to go back to worrying about the normal things like preterm labor.
We have a follow-up appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping that I am gaining some of the weight back that I've lost...
Ya know.....if your baby craps on your leg or pukes down your shirt, it's perfectly ok to dislike the moment. It doesn't mean that you dislike your child or dislike being a parent. The same is true for pregnancy.....and childbirth for that matter. My childbirth experience with you was the screaming shits. It wasn't the tears of joy, beautiful moment of the movies. You were blue, not breathing and I was terrified. It's ok that this was the absolute worst moment of my life. God knows that I love you more than life itself. THIS is what matters. Go ahead and hate the nausea. Who wouldn't? No guilt necessary. You already love your baby to the moon and back a zillion billion times. That's what matters. It's all that really matters when all is said done.. Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteListen to momma, she is spot on
ReplyDeleteYour mom made me cry. I really like you guys.
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