Mrs. Jumbo

This part in Dumbo sums up my emotional state pretty on point.  I've been so sick. I feel like Mrs. Jumbo trying to comfort her baby from a prison.  Every time I hear Mason cry, I cry.  I'm hoping I'm coming to the end of it. But I'm still not well enough to be the mom I should be. G tells me that I have to take care of our other baby right now but I'm not even doing a very good job of that.  It's hard to stay on top of my hunger as I'm not feeling hungry most of the time.  Eating is a chore.

I dare say this has been harder than the bed rest last time.  At least last time, I could properly nurish my growing baby.  And I didn't already have a baby on the outside to care for.  My only comfort is knowing that Mason won't remember this.  I will. Be he won't.

The thought of doing this for another 5 months is too much.  So I'm just focusing on each day.  Or trying to, anyway.  I'm trying to practice some meditation to get through. I've never been much into meditation but I'm finding it helpful right now.  I'm trying to breathe in the good and breathe out the bad. I try to visualize things that make me happy or i enjoy doing. It seems to help, even if it only lasts briefly.

I think (hope) it's a good sign that I at least feel decent enough to post in my blog.  Please let this be the end of this. Pleeeease!!!!