I'm officially terrified.
I was reading an article about being flexible about your birth plan (something I can totally relate to) but then found myself reading a horrific story about a rupturing uterus. I immediately started thinking about all the damage that was done to my uterus/cervix and I got this sinking feeling in my gut. I'm so scared. I think I have pushed these thoughts away, trying not to truly think about the potential risks being pregnant this quick with such a traumatic amount of damage to my uterua without ample time to recover. What have I done?!?
Now I feel like a pile of shit. Did I put this baby and myself in harms way by becoming pregnant so fast?! I mean, we didn't plan this and we were even preventing. I'm soooo scared. I know worrying won't help but I need to at least address these fears. Pretending like they aren't there won't help either. I didn't intentionally read a story that would have a trigger. But now I can't unread it.
Why can't I just have a fucking normal body?! With the normal discomforts of pregnancy. I know even normal pregnancies don't go worry free either. But you have to admit, I have a little extra added worry in my case.
OK... Breeeeaaathe...
Our next appointment is in a month. We are OK right now. Baby is still small. My uterus is still pretty small. There is no immediate danger at this moment! I will address my concerns with Dr. Miser at our next appointment. Maybe she can give me a little peace of mind. Perhaps I am just overly paranoid.
I just pray to whatever god is out there to please keep me and this baby safe. This baby was not exactly planned, but now that it's here, I want him/her just as much as I wanted Mason!
I'm such damaged goods. I hope I can do this. I hope my body can do this!
Ness!!!! Didn't Dr. Miser just tell you that everything looks good? Go with that information until your next check up. If she was concerned she would have you coming in much sooner than 4 weeks.....right?
ReplyDeleteYes! There is no immediate danger right now. Baby is still so small that there is no pressure or stress on my uterus. I'm just freaking myself out. I picture my scarred up uterus being stretched all to pieces and I just worry that I didn't have enough time to heal. I'm sure I'm overreacting and I will address these fears with Dr. Miser. I'm not worried about the first trimester. It's the 2nd and 3rd that are worrying me.
ReplyDeleteok. I just don't want you stressed out cuz that's kinda sad. Hang in there. Dr. Key in on standby and we know he's brilliant.
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