I recall a day last year that was the first day I actually considered being done with fertility treatments. I bet I could even find it in my old blog of I cared to look. I had just found out my 3rd or 4th IUI failed. I tried to take it in stride and was going about my day normally. When I got home for the day, I was washing dishes (Garrett was running errands) and all of the sudden, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I dropped to my knees, right in the middle of the kitchen floor and began sobbing. Then proceeded to beg God to give us a child because I was just so tired.
I will never forget that day. I wanted to be done. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the desire for children to go away. I wanted to be done with the repeated failures. I wanted holidays to be fun again.
Somehow, I kept going. And, as you can imagine, I'm glad I did.
The funny thing about infertility is there will always be emotional baggage from it. For whatever reason, every now and then, a pregnancy announcement will still get too me. Baby showers still get me. Its bazaar. I'm not sure if I just drums up all those emotions or what but I don't think it will ever fully go away.
Anyway, on to other, happier things! I went to a 2 hour spartan workout in Helena and won the raffle for free entry to a Spartan Beast!!!! For those that don't know, that's 13+ miles with I don't even know how many obstacles! But now I feel like I have to do it. I'm so nervous because it's only 6 months away! Yikes! But I am going for my trifect so I will need to do a sprint, super and a beast!
My goal for this next year is to cram as much physical stuff in as I can; races, bike rides, fun runs.... Because I have a nagging feeling that if/when I get pregnant again, even if I'm not on full bed rest, I will have to take my activity level down a notch vuz of that whole "incompetent cervix" bull shit! So the idea is to do all this fun stuff now, and of course, get my body back into shape for the next time around. I can't imagine how horrible this pregnancy would have been if I had started out unhealthy!
My workouts have been going well!!! I'm back to doing pushups on my toes, though they are very slow. I have been doing insanity and lifting. Then throw in piyo twice a week and our "punch and pull" day which consists of using our heavy bag, catching and throwing combos, and working on pull ups! Oh and we do the 15 4's once a week, too. We usually have 1 rest day a week unless we are particularly spent, we'll take and extra one! But overall, its been good. Frustrating at times, but I think that is probably typical for anybody at any stage of fitness.
The art stuff has been very slow going! As you can imagine, life is pretty busy and right now, my art is what is getting sacrificed right now. I would rather use my free time on my health. I know I will be able to squeeze a little more in once Mason can be set down for note than 5 minutes without flipping his lid.
This reflux business is a monster. And unless you have a kid with reflux, you have no idea what it's like. And I am not talking about "oh poor me, my kid won't let me set him down." I am talking about how crappy your kid feels, how miserable they are and there is not a damn thing you can do about it half the time. You can't even cuddle them because they arch their back so bad. When he sleeps at night, I don't sleep solid because I worry about the gagging episodes! And I'm not about to set my kid down while he screams just so I can paint! Nope. I know it will get better so in the mean time, I will do what I can to ease his pain!!!!
He is starting to smile more, though, so at least he not miserable ALL day now!!!!
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