First off, motherhood is amazing! It's hard and messy and there are no instructions, but it is the most rewarding thing I have experienced in my life. But then again, it's what I've always wanted. There are absolutely hard days. But everyday is filled with so much love and micro-victories! I love my boys so much! Mason is his own little tornbado of a boy! Exploring and learning and making me laugh everyday! And Malcolm is smiling and happy and making lots of different sounds! He still likes to be held 24/7 and cannot keep a paci in on his own so that can be a bit of a challenge but just a little one.
Garrett is back at work full time and it's been a hard adjustment for me. Adjusting to my role as a stay at home mom has been a little more difficult than I expected. Don't get me wrong!!! I am soooo thankful so be able to stay home with them and I don't want to change it. We are so lucky that we are able to swing it. But I'm trying to hang on to the parts of my that make me ME. I was able to paint a few Christmas presents for people but haven't been able to find time since. I'm seeing my tattoo clients go elsewhere, which, I won't lie, stings a bit but I absolutely understand why they would. I mean, I have no clue when I'll get to work again so obviously, I can't expect people to wait when I can't give them a concrete answer.
So no art and no tattooing. Sometimes I feel like that part of me is lost. But with that being said, I am working out again so that helps me feel like that other side of me isn't completely lost. It helps give me that piece of myself that is still just mine! I love sharing every moment of me with my kids and my hubs, but having that hour I get to be Nessa again helps my sanity.
My good Friend just went through this (having babies back to back) and it helps to talk to her. She reassures me that the first year really is a blur and things level out. So I'm holding out faith that I will get to tattoo again. And that I will get to paint again. Sooner rather than later. So for now, I'm focusing on the joys and challenges of bring a mom. And focusing on getting back into shape and training for a half marathon!
I've said before when I was going through infertility that I would give up art to be a mom and that still hasn't changed. Being a mom trumps painting any day. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it!
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