I still have a long ways to go but I'm so proud of this saggy, stretched out body. So I will embrace it at every stage while I am working on regaining my strength!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Pre Pregnancy Weight
I still have a long ways to go but I'm so proud of this saggy, stretched out body. So I will embrace it at every stage while I am working on regaining my strength!
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Overwhelmed!!!!!!
I'm still adjusting to this crazy life of having my 2 amazing boys! I won't lie, it tough some days. But I so love being a mom! I'm just struggling a bit on finding a little "me time" during my day. Just an hour or so where someone doesn't need something from me. I think I will be a better mom if I get that time in there!
I've officially hit my 6 week mark, however, my OB is right in the middle of moving practices. So I have to wait a bit for my follow up. I cannot wait to start working out again, especially knowing I am done having kids. My body is my own again!!! Well, aside from pumping milk for Mr. Malcolm. And, ooohh myyy Godddd, will I be happy when I can quit that!!! I'm pumping every 2-3 hours, or at least that's what I shoot for, and I am producing a shit ton of milk. Don't get me wrong. I am beyond thankful for that because with Mason, I struggled to pump even an ounce by about 2 months. And as of right now, I'm pumping about 50-60 oz a day.
But...
I HATE PUMPING! My boobs are trashed. They are sore and my nips hurt. Having your boobs sucked halfway down a funnel a million times a day is not a good time. Plus, it's insanely inconvenient when caring for 2 boys. But, it's all for my little man. I feel a bit more pressure to make it work this time than I did with Mason because keeping Malcolm healthy is vital. It could affect his surgery date if he isn't healthy enough or at a goods weight! So while it won't be the worst thing in the world of my supply runs out (Mase was a formula baby and did just fine), I just would like Malcolm to have the benefits of breast milk at least until his surgery in May. But the though of pumping until then makes my boobs want to shrivel up and fall off.
In other news, I had sort of a meltdown this morning. I got super overwhelmed. I felt like I was only doing a mediocre job at everything; being a mom, wife, cleaning, making sure kids have clean clothes... G does his fair share too, but he works so I tend to do most of the housework. It just works out well that way for us. But today, G asked me to get WHOLE wheat bread instead of just "wheat" bread and I broke down. I took it as me not being good enough. I was already feeling overwhelmed. Malcolm does not like to be set down...at all. So when I set him down, he cries and I feel like a shitty mom. But when I'm holding him nonstop, I feel like I can't play with Mason or address his needs fully and that makes me feel like a shitty mom. It doesn't always feel this way but some days are just harder than others. I know it will get easier as Malcolm gets a little older and even a little more independent. But right now, some days are just freaking hard.
And then I haven't slept in the same bed as G for about a month because one or the other of us is on Malcolm duty at night! And since he's at a stage where he just cries nonstop if you set him down, whoever is on Malcolm duty stays in the living room on the couch with him. I don't feel comfortable having him sleep in our bed with us because G is a HEAVY sleeper. So until Malcolm gets to the point where he will sleep in the co sleeper or rock and play, this is how we all get the most sleep...which still isn't very much, honestly. So I feel like I'm neglecting my hubs on top of being a bad mom. Me and G still need time to be a couple and not just mom and dad. I think that is important for our relationship too.
Like I said, I don't feel like this every day and I do know I'll find my groove but it's all still so new and I feel overwhelmed a lot right now! I think that's why taking an hour a day and working out or going to the gym will really help. I'll have that time to just focus on myself and to remind myself that while being a mom is by far, my favorite part of me, it's not the ONLY part and I deserve a little time to myself once in a while. And then I can get back to the craziness of my family with hopefully a refreshed state of mind.
Anyway, I should be using this time to sleep so I'm gonna go do that.
But...
I HATE PUMPING! My boobs are trashed. They are sore and my nips hurt. Having your boobs sucked halfway down a funnel a million times a day is not a good time. Plus, it's insanely inconvenient when caring for 2 boys. But, it's all for my little man. I feel a bit more pressure to make it work this time than I did with Mason because keeping Malcolm healthy is vital. It could affect his surgery date if he isn't healthy enough or at a goods weight! So while it won't be the worst thing in the world of my supply runs out (Mase was a formula baby and did just fine), I just would like Malcolm to have the benefits of breast milk at least until his surgery in May. But the though of pumping until then makes my boobs want to shrivel up and fall off.
In other news, I had sort of a meltdown this morning. I got super overwhelmed. I felt like I was only doing a mediocre job at everything; being a mom, wife, cleaning, making sure kids have clean clothes... G does his fair share too, but he works so I tend to do most of the housework. It just works out well that way for us. But today, G asked me to get WHOLE wheat bread instead of just "wheat" bread and I broke down. I took it as me not being good enough. I was already feeling overwhelmed. Malcolm does not like to be set down...at all. So when I set him down, he cries and I feel like a shitty mom. But when I'm holding him nonstop, I feel like I can't play with Mason or address his needs fully and that makes me feel like a shitty mom. It doesn't always feel this way but some days are just harder than others. I know it will get easier as Malcolm gets a little older and even a little more independent. But right now, some days are just freaking hard.
And then I haven't slept in the same bed as G for about a month because one or the other of us is on Malcolm duty at night! And since he's at a stage where he just cries nonstop if you set him down, whoever is on Malcolm duty stays in the living room on the couch with him. I don't feel comfortable having him sleep in our bed with us because G is a HEAVY sleeper. So until Malcolm gets to the point where he will sleep in the co sleeper or rock and play, this is how we all get the most sleep...which still isn't very much, honestly. So I feel like I'm neglecting my hubs on top of being a bad mom. Me and G still need time to be a couple and not just mom and dad. I think that is important for our relationship too.
Like I said, I don't feel like this every day and I do know I'll find my groove but it's all still so new and I feel overwhelmed a lot right now! I think that's why taking an hour a day and working out or going to the gym will really help. I'll have that time to just focus on myself and to remind myself that while being a mom is by far, my favorite part of me, it's not the ONLY part and I deserve a little time to myself once in a while. And then I can get back to the craziness of my family with hopefully a refreshed state of mind.
Anyway, I should be using this time to sleep so I'm gonna go do that.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Checking in!!! I'm still alive!!!
Hi! I'm still alive!!!!
As you can imagine, it's been a whirlwind since being home. At the moment, both boys are napping so I'm taking a bit of time to update.
We have struggled a lot with Malcolm's cleft palate and feeding. I knew it would be more difficult, but I guess I just didn't realize how much! Immediately when we got home, both boys got colds. For Malcolm, it was pretty scary because that cleft palate could potentially cause major issues since his sinuses are more open and obviously more susceptible to infection! Luckily, we got by with no major infections this time. But we are really hoping he stays healthy at least until his surgery. Otherwise, we may have to push it back and I'd really rather get it over with as soon as possible.
The major issue we had with him after we got home was weight gain. We left the hospital with basically no info and no one to call for support with his cleft palate! Luckily, an amazing nurse from the special needs pediatric department called us to check how we were doing! I was fighting back tears as I was talking to her on the phone because we had been so worried. Malcolm was basically peeing orange, which means dehydration and he was not getting any milk from a bottle or my boobs. The nurse had us come in immediately, even stayed late for us. She showed us how to use a special bottle that allows us to actually squeeze the milk into his mouth so he isn't relying on just his suck alone. Often with cleft palate, even with a great suck, they can't get a good seal in the back of the throat. It's been explained to me as trying to suck liquid through a straw with a hole in it. But that bottle has basically been a life saver and that nurse has kept in contact with us since then. I am so thankful for people like that that go above and beyond and truly care. Because we were feeling so lost!
She also got us all hooked up with the proper paperwork to attend the cranialfacial clinic next week at Dr. Santins practice. They will have surgeons, speech therapists, orthodontists, and all the other professionals required for cleft lip/cleft palate patients. We will mostly be talking with Dr. Santin and speech therapists since Malcolm's cleft is just in the soft palate. But I'm looking forward to getting some more information about all of this. I wish it weren't an issue at all, but since it is, the more information we have the better.
We are adjusting slowly to having 2 boys! When G goes back to work, I'm not sure how realistic it will be for me to continue pumping. It's already such a pain in the ass to stop what I'm doing every 2-3 hours and hook my boobs up to the torture device.. Oh, I mean breast pump for 20 minutes. I do have a nice supply of breast milk building up in the fridge though. I'm really trying to make it work though because for Malcolm especially, it would be beneficial for him to get some of my immunities from the breast milk until his surgery! We'll see how it goes though. Just one more thing for men to stress about, I suppose.
My eyeballs ache, I'm so tired. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I've wanted this exhausted to the bone feeling for many years and I finally have it! That's not to say it isn't really hard! I mean, I fell asleep feeding Malcolm last night! I woke up and the bottle was hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Lol. I've had nights where I've cried out of pure frustration and stress of not knowing what the hell I'm doing. I don't think I've slept longer than an hour or 2 at a time since I've been pregnant with Malcolm.
But it's all so worth it and I love my boys to pieces. When I look at Malcolm sleeping peacefully or when I hear Masons amazing belly laugh, I forget how exhausted to the bone I am because my babies are all I've ever wanted and they are finally here. And I know in the grand scheme, it's such a short time and while I can say I won't enjoyu every second of motherhood, I CAN say I will appreciate every second...the good and the not so good.
As you can imagine, it's been a whirlwind since being home. At the moment, both boys are napping so I'm taking a bit of time to update.
We have struggled a lot with Malcolm's cleft palate and feeding. I knew it would be more difficult, but I guess I just didn't realize how much! Immediately when we got home, both boys got colds. For Malcolm, it was pretty scary because that cleft palate could potentially cause major issues since his sinuses are more open and obviously more susceptible to infection! Luckily, we got by with no major infections this time. But we are really hoping he stays healthy at least until his surgery. Otherwise, we may have to push it back and I'd really rather get it over with as soon as possible.
The major issue we had with him after we got home was weight gain. We left the hospital with basically no info and no one to call for support with his cleft palate! Luckily, an amazing nurse from the special needs pediatric department called us to check how we were doing! I was fighting back tears as I was talking to her on the phone because we had been so worried. Malcolm was basically peeing orange, which means dehydration and he was not getting any milk from a bottle or my boobs. The nurse had us come in immediately, even stayed late for us. She showed us how to use a special bottle that allows us to actually squeeze the milk into his mouth so he isn't relying on just his suck alone. Often with cleft palate, even with a great suck, they can't get a good seal in the back of the throat. It's been explained to me as trying to suck liquid through a straw with a hole in it. But that bottle has basically been a life saver and that nurse has kept in contact with us since then. I am so thankful for people like that that go above and beyond and truly care. Because we were feeling so lost!
She also got us all hooked up with the proper paperwork to attend the cranialfacial clinic next week at Dr. Santins practice. They will have surgeons, speech therapists, orthodontists, and all the other professionals required for cleft lip/cleft palate patients. We will mostly be talking with Dr. Santin and speech therapists since Malcolm's cleft is just in the soft palate. But I'm looking forward to getting some more information about all of this. I wish it weren't an issue at all, but since it is, the more information we have the better.
We are adjusting slowly to having 2 boys! When G goes back to work, I'm not sure how realistic it will be for me to continue pumping. It's already such a pain in the ass to stop what I'm doing every 2-3 hours and hook my boobs up to the torture device.. Oh, I mean breast pump for 20 minutes. I do have a nice supply of breast milk building up in the fridge though. I'm really trying to make it work though because for Malcolm especially, it would be beneficial for him to get some of my immunities from the breast milk until his surgery! We'll see how it goes though. Just one more thing for men to stress about, I suppose.
My eyeballs ache, I'm so tired. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I've wanted this exhausted to the bone feeling for many years and I finally have it! That's not to say it isn't really hard! I mean, I fell asleep feeding Malcolm last night! I woke up and the bottle was hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Lol. I've had nights where I've cried out of pure frustration and stress of not knowing what the hell I'm doing. I don't think I've slept longer than an hour or 2 at a time since I've been pregnant with Malcolm.
But it's all so worth it and I love my boys to pieces. When I look at Malcolm sleeping peacefully or when I hear Masons amazing belly laugh, I forget how exhausted to the bone I am because my babies are all I've ever wanted and they are finally here. And I know in the grand scheme, it's such a short time and while I can say I won't enjoyu every second of motherhood, I CAN say I will appreciate every second...the good and the not so good.
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