All or Nothing

Let's talk about the all or nothing approach to eating healthy. It gets a bad rap.  But the truth is, that's the only way that works for me.  I don't think it's fair to discredit that approach.  I read a snarky post about being that crazy person that eats healthy all the time, brings their own snacks or even meals to a get together.  I don't think there is any reason to bash that person or even to concern yourself with what they are eating.  Does it affect you in any way? No. So leave them alone. They apparently have goals. And maybe they have a designated cheat day coming up and only want to use their "cheats" on food they find worthy of the cheat.  That's what I do.

I tried doing the cheat here and there approach where I wasn't quite so "strict" with myself. It did NOT work.  It just doesn't work for my goals.  I ended up "cheating" too much.  When I allow myself to regularly eat bad stuff, I find myself craving it more.  So for me, its the all or nothing approach.  Then a cheat day once in a while.  I can appreciate the fact that this way doesn't suit everybody.  But there's no need to belittle someone who turns down junk food at a get-together.

In other news, I haven't weighed myself in almost a month. So I have no idea where I'm at with that.  What I CAN tell you is that I feel better since buckling down and not allowing cheats.  I am weighing on the first Friday of every month. So we'll see if things are moving in the right direction. 

I went for my first run in a while today. Had to be super careful about my form due to all my ailments.  I can't wait for physical therapy. Though I'm a little worried about my knee. I guess we'll see!

Tough workouts and TMI.

Got my ass handed to me today by my workout! Lol. Ugh. People who think that this business is easy by any means are truly clueless!!! But really, it should never be easy at any fitness level unless you don't want to advance. There are more days that I don't want to work our than do right now. But I do it anyway. I'll post some progress pics soon.

G has been adjusting his work schedule so I can have that hour and a half in the morning to get my "me time" in and focus 100% on my workout!  It sets me up to have a better day and be a better mom to my boy. He is a giant ball of energy so I will need to be in shape to keep up with my little man!!!  Plus I'm just a happier person when I feel good and am happy with myself and body. I've got a good start!!!  I just need to keep going!

I've made an appointment for my annual. And this may be TMI so feel free to stop reading now....

...last chance....

Ok. You've been warned. So "things" have been very painful with Garrett...if you know what I mean. So I'm super nervous for my annual. I don't think it's normal, per say, but it may be normal for my case. I'm not sure. So I'll be talking to my OB about that. I decided to check my cervical position yesterday (you can sometimes tell if you are ovulating by your cervical position) and was taken aback by what I felt. Massive scar tissue. I mean, I knew I would have some since my cervix tore in 2 places...but I wasn't expecting that much. It feels like there is scar tissue hanging off my cervix. Just bazaar. So I'm wondering if that could be causing the pain. Ugh.  I don't know.  Anyway. My appointment is February 9th. So we'll see.

My Favorite Corner

Anyone like to take a guess at which corner is my favorite in my living room??

If you guessed this corner (which you probably did), you win a million dollars. Ok...not really. But you're still a winner. *wink.

That corner right across from Mason's corner, that recliner is where I spent my 3 months of bed rest. So I can now sit in that same recliner and enjoy watching the fruits of my labor play and grow and learn.

I had people tell me that I would be bummed that my house was gonna be messy now. They must not know me at all.

First of all...it's not that big of a deal when our house gets turned upside down. I've wanted that for years. And also, I'm notorious for keeping my living room and kitchen pretty clean. It's an OCD thing. So I usually clean it every other morning. Yes, things are just gonna get messy again but I clean anyway.  Every time I clean up Mason's stuff, it's just another reality check for me that this is real. Mason is real. The fact that I finally have my baby is real. How could I be upset about that?

Again..?

We've officially started tucking money away for a frozen embryo cycle. Feels so weird to already be thinking of more fertility treatments already.  But we don't want to wait too long.  Maybe if we were younger... Who knows if we'll even be lucky enough to have another.

Aside from the age and fertility issues, I also just want to get it over with. As everyone knows, I had a rough and stressful pregnancy and while I'm certainly gonna hope for a better one next time, I still have an incompetent cervix. So yes, it will help immensely to know about the issue. But that won't prevent bed rest if my cervical length goes down. But I will remain optimistic!

Part of me wonders if its truly selfish to try for another with the issues I have. But I can't help but vision two kiddos in my life. So we'll see where this crazy journey takes us now.

For now, I'm 100% focused on getting my strength back!!! And we'll just save money in the meantime. I mean, we still have $4300 to save. Soooo that's gonna take a while....

Being Prepared (as I can be, anyway)

So I have made the decision to go back to gluten free and minimal dairy/minimal processed foods like I was doing before.  I follow the PCOS diva and respect a lot of what she has to say and there is a reason she does gluten free /dairy free year round. She has spent much of her life dedicated to researching PCOS and helping others with it.  Plus, it's what worked for me the first time...and as much as I don't want to think about getting pregnant again right now, I have to because I am still an infertile. Having a baby does not cure it.  And I would very much like a brother or sister for Mason down the road.

Like I said, I have to think about and plan ahead when it comes to this whole getting pregnant again thing. And that kind of sucks.

I have to think about it physically. I have to work really hard to get my body in shape again because not only does that help me get pregnant, but it helps me during pregnancy.  It helps me be in better touch with my body, which is why I am pretty sure I knew something wasn't roight , even though I didn't feel that bad. Then once I was on bed rest, it kept me from sliding quite so far down, physically. I was still so incredibly weak (still am, honestly) from the bed rest plus all that strain on my body from the pregnancy, that I can't even imagine where I would be of I had started that pregnancy out of shape to begin with.

I have to think about it financially.  G and I have a plan to ditch birth control methods when we are getting closer to being ready to try again...but as I said, having a baby does not cure infertility. I know in some cases, you have a window after having a baby where you are more fertile (although this is not always the case, just to clarify), we can't bank on that.  And besides, I'm not ready to go through that again!!! So, we have to start planning for a frozen embryo transfer by saving our pennies. It's hard to pull $4500 out of your ass at the last minute, so we need to start tucking money away now!

And last, and probably most importantly, I have to start thinking about it emotionally.  I was not prepared for such a tough pregnancy.  And chances are, my next pregnancy will also be tough because incompetent cervix does not go away, either. Yes, I will get a preventative cerclage next time at around 10-12 weeks, but that only keeps my cervix closed. It doesn't help me maintain my cervical length. And it doesn't keep baby from tearing your cervix. As you may recall, that was the reason for my cesarean.  It wasn't for baby's safety. It was for mine. My cervix was shredded...and that was even with bed rest.  But anyway, I will most likely have some sort of bed rest next time, too, and bed rest is tough on a person.  Im hoping it wont be AS strict as last time.  If we can keep it in check, we will be much better off.  So I need to prepare myself for that. Because it's definitely worth it in the end...but that doesn't make it easier.

So there you have it. Forced to think about the whole baby thing again already. But that's OK. I know things can go much different next time and hopefully for the better.

G and I thought briefly about just not using any birth control methods but decided that on the off chance I do get preggo right away, it would potentially be a disaster because my body needs to heal.  I don't just need to get back in shape but I need to heal! My back is trashed. I'm still dealing with residual carpal tunnel. My knee locks up.  And my hip hurts all the time. So I need some physical therapy. I need to build up my strength again. And I need to shed this extra fat I gained.  Then we'll see what happens.

For now, as I try to prepare myself for the next time, I will enjoy my crazy little man!!!  Revel in all these milestones he's hitting!!! And just be thankful for him because there is no guarantee that we will get to add to our family.  So while I do need to plan and prepare, I also will not be so focused on it that I miss out on this amazing time with M.

Is the real life?!

It's been a while since I updated! I've been meaning to but everything just got so crazy with the holidays that by the time I got mason to sleep, I wasn't that far behind him. But I have a little time now and while I'm tired, I'm not completely exhausted like I have been!

Mason has been pretty good! He just had his 5 month checkup/shots this week. He is in the 97th percentile for his height!!!! He free 7 inches since his birth. 21 inches when he was born. And now he is 28!  He's rolling from his back to his belly like a champ! He get frustrated while on his back because he tried to crawl but he just hasn't quote figured it out yet. He's not sitting on his own yet but he will sit pretty well supported. We upped his reflux meds. Still having trouble with that although this week is definitely better than last. Last week was a rough one!  But we are doing better for now anyway. 

I know I say this a lot...but I absolutely love being a mom!!!! It is tough at times, yes.  I won't lie about that. But even on the rough days, I go to bed with a full heart and happier than I have been in years. I am truly in awe of him and that we made it to this point. 

I have been having body issues lately and have not been very nice to myself... But I just try to remind myself that my body just went through a lot of shit in a very short amount of time. Aprill and I came up with the "be nice to yourself" jar. Anytime we say something negative about ourselves, we have to put a dollar in the jar. I honestly have no problem with my scar or my stretch marks. In fact, I love both and I am proud of both. I just miss my muscles!  I'm working on it, its just moving very very slow!!!

My workouts have been hindered because I'm having mad back issues. And knee issues. And I still have residual carpal tunnel stuff in my wrists and hands. But I've just been trying to modify or work around those issues. In February, I'm hoping to get in for some physical therapy so I can correct the issue and not just pop ibuprofen every day.

Anyway. Things have been good all in all. Just the rough day here and there but nothing I would trade for the world!  My favorite part of the day is going to bed at night. It starts with snuggling my baby (the only time my very active and wiggly baby will snuggle with me) until he falls asleep! Then I take him to bed and as he sleeps in his bassinet, I get to listen to his cute little sleeping baby noises as I fall asleep!  It tugs at my heartstrings every night!!!  And I feel like the luckiest, most blessed person in the world and sometimes, I feel like someone needs to pinch me because there is no way this is real...