It takes a village...

People say it takes a village to raise a child.  While that may be true it also takes a village to take care of me while I'm pregnant!  Both pregnancies have been polar opposites but equally challenging in different ways and I don't know how I would do it without help. I have amazing people in my life who have bent over backwards for me! My hubs, my parents, the in-laws, friends..   So many people have helped us out.

I've been running on fumes for a while now. I've got nothing left in my tank to deal with any more shit that pops up. Last night, I had blurry vision in one eye.  I just thought I had something in my eye so I went to look in the mirror and as it turns out, my one eye was totally dilated! I started to assume I was just going to die!  As it turns out, it was due to the nausea patch I was wearing. (Thank you mom, for finding that out!) After I calmed down, I just melted into a big pile of defeat on the couch.  Garrett came home and brought me a cupcake so I could eat my feelings.

I'm also stopping the progesterone oil shot because the reaction I had this week was really bad.  My entire buttcheek for swollen.  When I sit down, it feels like I'm sitting on a big hard lump of some kind. Plus it was really sore, the skin was hot and red.  So I called my OB for the millionth time and she said to stop the shots.

I just don't have much left in the tank. I have enough to get through the next 10 weeks, with help...but then I need to refuel and put my energy towards other things.  My body is tired. My muscles are weak.  I'm emotionally worn out from the last 8 years. There is a little bittersweetness to closing this chapter of my life, but there will also be a great sigh of relief.  Bring on some new challenges.

Swollen buttcheek

Uuugghhhhh!!!! It's 4 am and my entire right buttcheek is swollen, hard, fevered, red and starting to bruise from my progesterone oil shot and it's so sore.  I also have heartburn something fierce.

Pregnancy doesn't last forever. Pregnancy doesn't last forever. Pregnancy doesn't last forever...!

This has been my chant for much of this pregnancy.  It has gotten me this far.  My back is also beginning to ache, especially when I try to sleep.  And Malcolm is a squirmy little turd and never stops moving!!! I don't think Mason was quite this active.  Even Dr. Miser commented on it when she was trying to chase him down to get a good read on his heartbeat.  It's crazy  

I'm so glad we have not had to deal with preterm labor issues thus far.  I cannot imagine adding that amount of stress to the mix.  We didn't check my cervix yesterday but that's because I had a check while in labor and delivery and the nurse said it was tightly closed, high and no pressure on it! That's another thing I don't remember hurting so much is cervix checks. They hurt soooo bad this time.  I dread having them done.  I don't feel like I'm as near a trooper this time around as I was with Mason! I feel like I used up all my reserves for Masons pregnancy and I just have nothing left for this one.

In any case, our next appointment is scheduled out 3 weeks.  Miser is going on vacation (I'm sure the woman could use one. She is working 24/7 it seems like.) She asked me if I feel comfortable with that, and I said yes.  I keep pretty chill so I don't anticipate an issue, though now that the nausea has let up quite a bit (pray it stays that way), I'm trying to keep myself from overdoing it...which I have a tendency to do.  But if I get worried about anything while she's gone, I can always go to labor and delivery.

I've been looking at new born photos on FB and Pinterest lately as a reminder of that moment you get to see that little human ball of perfection.  The reason for all the chaos.  And, instantly, the chaos fades into a distant memory as you look at this perfect little being that you shared your body with the last 9 months.  That moment is what is holding me together because that is the moment you absolutely know 100% that it was ALL SO WORTH IT!!!!

Well I suppose I should try to sleep a bit more. I'm not sure if that's a possibility but I'm going to try. Good night, blog friends!

28 Weeks

How Far Along?  28 weeks and 3 days!!!

Baby this Week?  Malcolm is about 14.8 inches and 2.25 pounds!  This week is a big milestone as it's the first week of the 3rd trimester! Baby has developed a bit more of a regular sleep pattern, sleeping about 20-30 minutes at a time. He's basically just working on fattening up!

Symptoms?  Whew!  Let's see. I had a tummy bug this last week (TMI warning) and I had the shits for 3 days straight. I even went into labor and delivery because my stomach was cramping sooo bad that I couldn't tell if I was contracting or not.  Turns out, my uterus was irritable but most likely due to the tummy bug. So they gave me fluids and the most amaaaazing heartburn medicine and I was able to come back home! I'm still sort of recovering from that bug but I'm not super nauseated so that's a nice relief. As far as the other symptoms, I still have a little of that yeast infection in my armpits, I have a pregnancy rash on my belly still, I can feel the carpal tunnel really starting to flare up. My fingers feel really stiff when I make a fist. This really aucks because last time, my hands were numb for a few months after I gave birth and I couldn't work for a while.  I have insane acid reflux. I'm peeing every 5 seconds. I can't sleep. My calves are cramping up. And everything stinks! Lol. 

Cravings/Aversions?  Not too many cravings.  I have noticed that I want chocolate twizzlers this pregnancy. Last year, it was red vines. But I can't find chocolate twizzlers at the regular places I shop so I usually just go without. One weird one that I am craving is lime yogurt! I typically hate lime anything. 

Goals this Week?  Masons birthday party is this weekend so I'm using it as motivation to deep clean my upstairs and organize a bit for Malcolms arrival.  The basement is still as total disaster and it's the one thing I reeeeaaaallly want done before baby comes.  I got paint to paint an accent wall way back when I first found out I was pregs so I want to get that done before I am too big to function properly. Lol

Mason this Week?  A big development with Mason is he's walking a little bit assisted by his little walking toys. Which, reminds me, I need to finish childproofing some cupboards in our kitchen.

Every now and then, I realize that soon, Malcolm is going to be on the outside!!!!  As weird as it sounds, it's easy to forget that fact. I think that's maybe because it feels like pregnancy lasts forever.  But as I was saying, we have 11 weeks at the most...and that's if we make it to 39 weeks. Reality is starting to hit.  This is really happening and soon!  We'll have 2 little boys. And we will be done with this chapter of our lives and we can move on to the chapter we've worked soooo hard for.  It's going to feel like such a weight being lifted. It sounds like tubal litigation is covered by insurance so it's happening!  My tubes will be tied in a couple months.  Done and done!!!!!!  Never EVER thought I would be even considering this.  But the decision feels right.  I'm at peace with it. Onward and upward!

Up since 3:30am

I've been up since 3:30 am. with heartburn. And Malcolm is simultaneously kicking my ribs while also punching my pelvic bone. And I'm reminding myself that I have 11 weeks left AT THE MOST. And then I feel a rush of panic because I've hardly had time to prepare. Then I remember that I don't have much to do to prepare since, ya know, we just had a baby. Lol

Lots of crazy stuff going on in my brain right now.

We have an appointment today. Getting the ol' cervix checked and I have about a million things to talk to Dr. Miser about. I need to ask her about tubal litigation, the reaction I'm having to the progesterone oil injections, we need to follow up on our L&D visit, Im out of nausea patches...I feel like there's more but I'm sure I won't remember until after our appointment.

I'll try to get my 28 week update up today. I've been kind of a slacker with my updates. I got sick for real last week and I'm just now starting to feel back to "normal. " And by normal, I mean only kind of nauseous.  So I'll maybe do the update later today.

Tubal Litigation

I really feel like I've been put through the ringer this pregnancy.  Ugghhh....  Yesterday was Masons 1st birthday and I was sick. Not pregnancy sick but regular sick. I've never had stomach cramps this bad.  They hurt more than contractions.  I went into labor and delivery last nigh because I thought they could potentially be contractions. Luckily, I wasn't having contractions, but my utetus was irritated due to being sick and dehydrated. So I got some fluids and got to come home.

I was thinking about all the pregnancy related crap I have and it really solidified my desire to do tubal litigation during my c section.  Aside from the fact that I'm tired of feeling shitty, we simply can't afford to do this again. I'm beyond happy with 2 babies. I am over the baby making phase of my life. Time to move on. So on Tuesday, I'm talking to our OB about having my tubes tied. If it's covered by my insurance, I'm doing it. 

Masons Birthday

Tomorrow, Mason will be one year old.  There is so much running through my head, it's almost too much to process.  I've been sort of an emotional mess the last couple days and part of it is how overwhelmed I am at how full my life feels with Mason in it.  What a beautiful year it's been.

I've spent 6 of those 12 months pregnant with Masons little brother and, I won't lie, it's been very hard.  But if you've followed my blog at all you already know this. It's still been amazing watching Mason grow and learn.  But I need to mention that Garrett has been our rock.  I would be lost without that man.  He is such an amazing dad and watching him step up and take care of a sick, pregnant wife and our baby has made me love him even more!  I love him more than words and he has given me the most precious gift(s) I could ever ask for.  Obviously, my children, but also a partner and best friend to navigate this life with, truly in good times and bad.

It's hard to imagine loving another child as much as Mason but I've been reassured that it is, in fact, possible!  And I know I will.  It's just tough to wrap my head around that much love!

I love waking up each day because I love being with Mason.  When it's time for Mason to go to sleep, I can't wait to do it all again the next day...even if we've had a rough day! I absolutely love my life as a mother.  Sometimes it's downright tough.  But the rewards far outweigh the tough times.

July 30th will forever be one of my favorite days.  It is the day my lifelong dream came true and I was blessed with my little man and become a mom.  My heart is so full!  Happy birthday (tomorrow) to my little punkin.

Dear Mason

Dear Mason, 

At some point last year, I wrote to you in my blog.  Only last year, you known simply as "Baby Z."  I am so happy to be able to.call you by name now.  And you've absolutely grown into that name.

We are approaching your first birthday and there is so much running through my mind!  

First, you have full filled our lives in ways that I can't even fully express in words. All my expectations about what it is to be a mom have been far exceeded.  I knew it would be amazing but I had no idea how full my heart could feel.  You always hear parents talking about their hearts bursting with love...and now I know why. 

You have been in this world for almost a year.  You are learning so much every single day and I get the absolute privilege of watching that happen. Every time you do something new, however "small" it may seem, I swell with unbelievable pride.  I love sitting on the floor and playing with you, even though I'm almost 7 month pregnant with your little brother. And when it comes to your bed time, I quite honestly get sad and can't wait to do it all over again the next day.

Speaking of your brother; I know you didn't get much of a chance to be the only child.  It only seems fair that the first born gets a little time to relish in that fact since you are, and will always be our guinea pig as far as parenting goes.  And lord knows, we will mess up sometimes. But even though you will be sharing your time with a little brother, always remember that YOU made us parents. When you were born, I was also born as a mother that day. 

We have just a few short months, (about 12 weeks to be exact) until your little brother arrives. You will never know a time without him around. But I will.  It's been hard being pregnant through half of your first year of existence like.  Often, I've felt like I was letting you down because I have been so sick during this pregnancy.  But I also believe that the sacrifice we've all made for your little Brother, Malcolm, will also be one of the greatest gifts I we can give you.  A best friend who will be around for you a lot longer than your dad and I. That gives me great comfort. 

We are excited to welcome a new little dude to our family.  But you will always be our first born!  The one who made us mommy and daddy...a dream we turned our world's upside down to achieve.  And you have been so worth it! 

Love, Mommy