13 weeks

How Far Along?  13 weeks and 2 days

Baby This Week?   Baby is about the size of a peach!  Or around 3 inches from head to butt. Baby's head is starting to become a bit more proportional to his/her body. And baby is beginning to work on its motor skills.  It's wriggling all over the place. I can't feel it yet, though.  Also, I'm officially in the second trimester so the risk of miscarriage has gone down significantly!  I can also find baby's heartbeat almost immediately with the doppler!

Symptoms?  Ugh.  Still nauseated but the last 3 days were pretty much 24/7. I couldn't even function.  Garrett pretty much took care of Mason by himself (not that he minds AT ALL) but it's still hard not to feel guilty.  Today has been ok but that's because I called and got a different nausea med. I'm taking Zofran. It's been helping but it's also giving me headaches. I'd rather have headaches than spend all day trying not to throw up. So the nausea has been ok today thought smells still make me gag.  So does sneezing. I'm also very weepy.  I cried watching a Disney commercial the other day. Lol

Cravings / Aversions? Everything is gross.  I've survived the last week on plain noodles, crackers, and cereal.  I've lost 6 pounds since my last OB appointment.   Hopefully that number turns around. I'm all for weight loss but not while I'm trying to grow a person.

Goals for the Week? I just want to get my tummy back in track...and my appetite. I know that's not entirely under my control but I can pretend anyway. 

Mason?  He's all over the place. He can cover pretty big distances.  He stays pretty entertained most of the time. But his new thing is wanting to be "up." And by the I meanhe'll crawl over to G or I and kneel, put his arms up and cry until we pick him up. He wants to be where we are.  I can't complain. Makes me feel loved! 

I'll post a belly pic later.  I've got a sleeping baby on me right now! ;)

Stuff.

I forgot my 12 week belly shot. Not much change. Just looking and feeling thicker.

And then I saw this image on FB and it goes with my post from the other day.  It really reaffirms my feelings on the matter! 

12 Weeks

How Far Along?   12 weeks 4 days.  3 more days until 2nd trimester.

Symptoms?  This week has been better as far as nausea and fatigue.  It's still not gone completely but last week was sooooo much worse!  Oh it was terrible.   It was like 24/7 barfy feeling.  This week, it's mostly been queasiness at night.  So that's been nice.  Emotional "symptoms" are flaring up this week though.  I have been feeling very overwhelmed.  And I'm struggling with scary thoughts.  Every time I pee and wipe, I expect blood.  It's easy for people to tell you not to think that way and that everything will be ok but people don't know. Last pregnancy, I swear I had PTSD from infertility.  This pregnancy, I think I have PTSD from my last pregnancy.

Cravings/ Aversions?  I think this is starting to get better too.  I went to the grocery store yesterday and my cart was filled with fruits and veggies. I cooked chicken and bacon at lunch time and made chicken bacon sandwiches with lettuce and veggies.  Of course by dinner, I was back to wanting just cereal.  But I'm moving in the right direction.

Sleep?  Meh.  About as good as can be when you're pregnant and caring for your 8 month old beebee!  I'm tired, yes, but doing ok!

Goals for the Week?  I joined the gym yesterday.  I would like to make it there a couple times.  I don't have real high expectations yet since I'm still not feeling great but maybe a swim or a bit on the bike or something would be therapeutic!

Mason?  He is everywhere this week!!!  A little crawling Machine!  It's like he went from kinda crawling a tiny bit to moving everywhere like a pro overnight. Also, 2 teeth have broken the gums on the bottom.  And he's got one little white dot on the top...but it hasn't broken through the gums yet.  Oh, he's also kneeling.  He'll pull himself up to a kneel when he's playing at his standing toys!  He's having trouble sleeping all the way through the night without waking. But I think it's because of teething. But overall, he's my happy boy!!!  

Career?

I've been doing some deep soul searching about my future.  After doing the mom thing for 8.5 months and realizing how much work it is to try and maintain my creative profession as a tattoo artist, I've come to the conclusion that some decisions need to be made.

When I don't tattoo for a while, I definitely miss it.  When I don't paint for a while, I feel like I'm missing a part of myself. In the last few months, I've found that I just don't have the time to be a mom and tattoo and paint and get my workout in.  I have not painted since December and it's killing me. But I've used every ounce of free time on tattooing and workouts.

Doing the mom thing isn't even in question here.  I've wanted to be a mom...and a stay at home one,  for a long time.  This is where I want to be.  Working out is also something that's not up for debate.  I need to be in shape for a million reasons.

So that just leaves painting and tattooing.  The big thing that is making this decision so difficult is I feel like I would be letting so many people down!  I know i have to make the decision for myself...and really, I already know the answer.  But I don't want to admit it.

I've said it before, painting is my passion.  With 2 kids under 2, I am going to be busy for a while.  I do think I will go back to it down the road.  But as of right now, it's going to be too much.  I'm already busy enough with one kid!!

We won't have very much money...but enough to be comfortable and with me staying home with babies, we can save on childcare.  And I won't miss anything in these precious first few years!  So  thankful for that.  I just don't want to break the news to the rest of the world...

Relax

I knew this was going to happen.

"See.  The second you relax and stopped trying/stressing, you get pregnant."

No.

No. No. No. No. No!

The infertility causes the stress. Stress does not cause the infertility.

Sometimes, when you have a baby, you body will Kickstart and you have a nice little fertile window.  But let me be clear. This is not always the case.  Some people experience both primary and secondary infertility.  Sometimes, people experience just secondary infertility.  The key is not relaxing.  Sometimes medical anomalies happen.

My biggest fear is that people will use me in their anecdotal information of how I just relaxed and got pregnant it is not that simple.  Ya know, "my friend did ivf and then she relaxed and got pregnant on her own."  I don't want to be that person.  Relaxing does not cure a medical condition.  PERIOD!

In fact, it feels like a miracle to me because not only were we not trying. But we were preventing.   Let's look at all the reasons why the probability of this pregnancy is so low.

1) Birth control.  Ok so we figured out that I was already pregnant before I started the pill. But condoms are pretty reliable...right?  And I was adamant about using them because I worried if I got pregnant too early, my uterus wouldn't be ready.  Also, I really wanted to be back to my original weight.

2) Frequency.   After you have a baby, you're tired.  And you don't feel sexy with milk squirting out of your boobs and not having showered for 3 days straight.  You just don't feel that sexy. At least I didn't. So I rarely put out. (TMI?)  But seriously.  I don't even think we averaged once a week.

3) Timing.  I had one real period since having Mason.  And it was in December.  I got pregnant at the end of January. That means I ovulated like 40 days after my period.  That isn't exactly normal.  So somehow we timed is just perfectly, which is crazy because of the frequency we were actually doing "the deed."  Then factor in the condom and that one had to sneak by.

4)  Low sperm count/motility.  Garrett has been tested soooo many times.  Each time, he had the same results.  Very low count and low motility.  Ok so now we have sickly sperm that has to get through a condom,  go down the right fallopian tube, that just happened to be on a night we did it that just happened to be when I was ovulating.  The odds have to be astronomical.

And THAT is why I believe it is nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps karma if that's more up your alley. But it was definitely NOT because we relaxed.

So if you tell your friends about us, or have an infertile friend, tell them our story....but do NOT chock up this miracle to "relaxing."  Please!

Yucky.

Mason, I will gI've you $50 if you take a nap.  I'll double it if you nap in your crib.

In case you haven't guessed, mama's tired and still not feeling well.  I'm struggling eating anything.  I've even been trying the usual things I like and I'm still struggling.  I hope I have enough nutrients left in my reserves for nugget.  I'm probably iron deficient. And I haven't been able to choke down my prenatal vitamin in a few days. Maybe I'll have G pick me up some Flintstones vitamins. I could probably get those down.

I cannot wait till this phase passes.  It makes me question my mothering ability.  I don't want Mason to get the raw end of the deal because I'm pregs again so soon. If the nausea doesn't ease up in a couple days, I'll check in with my O.B.  Maybe she has a different anti nausea med to try. I'm usually not so quick to ask for pills but I have a little guy relying on me during the day while G is at work.

I'm glad this part really doesn't last long in the grand scheme. Honestly, I would just skip to the end if I could.  I make a terrible pregnant person.  Am I thankful that I am pregnant? Absolutely.  But I'm pretty sure this is the last one.

11 weeks

How Far Along?   11 weeks and 2 days today

Baby This Week?  Baby is getting ready for a big growth spurt this week.  It will almost double in size this week!  The eyes and ears are making their way to the proper spots as well.  Most of the vital organs are done developing. The reproductive organs are becoming more distinguished.

Symptoms?  Omigosh.  Today has been so rough. I forgot my Bendectin last night (which I take for nausea) and I am sincerely paying for it today. Ugh.  I will not be doing that again.  I will also be ready for my normal appetite to return. I'm eating what sounds good still and it's not exactly a balanced diet.  Headaches have been ok. I have one today but I think because I'm dehydrated.

Cravings/Aversions?  Like I said, I'm just eating what sounds good.  The other day, I didn't want anything for dinner other than an orange Julius.  Literally NOTHING else sounded good.  It's not even that other things don't sound good, they sound gaggy. So I just eat what I can. Surprisingly, I haven't gained any weight yet.  Which has really does surprise meconsidering my diet.

Sleep?  Shitty.  So many pee trips at night...

Goals for the Week?  Get some good walking in.  It's not very warm out so it will probably be mall walking or something equally ridiculous but gotta make sure my little man stays warm.

Mason?  Mason did a little forward crawling this week.  He won't do it when you want him to and he still mostly scoots around with other methods. But he's slowly getting it.  He's pretty tired and cranky today but I think we all are.  Hopefully we can grab another nap at some point. (Yes.  I did say another nap...as in we already had one. Lol)