Soooo...yeeeeaaahhh.....

I'm not entirely sure who is still even following this blog..  But if you've been a faithful reader...even through my dull posts, again, you get some privileged information.  I just ask that you don't let it spill out onto FB quite yet.

I'm pregnant.

Yep. You read that right.  It took 7 years and $30,000+ to get pregnant with Mason. And now, we get pregnant through 2 different methods of birth control. Although, I may have been pregnant before I started the pill. I'm not sure how far along I am.

I took 3 different pregnancy tests, all blaring positives. My last and only period since having Mason was December 17th. But I don't have normal 28 day cycles so there is no way to pinpoint ovulation short of an ultrasound.  Of course I find all this out on a Friday afternoon...so I didn't get in for amblood test until like 4 and knew I wouldn't hear back from them until (hopefully) today.

As far as how I'm doing emotionally...aside from the utter shock, I'm thrilled, of course. Worried. Scared.  Grateful.  Did I mention I am in shock still?

I had symptoms that make sense in retrospect. But could be easily explained away.  The first was every time I blow !y nose, I have bloody boogers. I know. I know. Gross. But that happened in early pregnancy with Mason. But, the air has been soooo insanely dry here that I just didn't think anything of it.  And literally the day before infested, I was sitting in the couch telling Garrett that there is no reason I should be this tired. I was like extremely fatigued. But I do have a 7 month old so I just chocked that up to the tiredness catching up to me. And then the final thing that actually made me test was I was on birth control and never got my period.  That's never happened before, even with my crazy PCOS stuff.  I still didn't think in a million years that I was pregnant. I just wanted to rule it out before I started the next month of birth control. Needless to say, when I saw that positive pop up, I couldn't believe it.

So now, I'm just waiting for gynecology to open up today so I can call and get my results and make an appointment. I'm so scared.  I feel so unprepared. I'm supposed to be on progesterone for the first at least 10 weeks and I have no idea where I'm at.  I just want to know everything looks OK! I know worrying doesn't help anything and I'm trying not to but...I just need some piece of mind! I have been lifting heavy. Eating fish. Had no prenatal care.

OK. I need to chill out! I'll call in about an hour to get things rolling! Ahhhh!!!

Changed plans!

So...a little update on our plans for the FET. I spoke with pur coordinator a little more specifically about our plans for November and she then spoke with our doctor out there about the plan to run a half marathon the day before a transfer. He doesn't recommend it. Soooo we have revised our plan.

There is a half in Seattle in July. So we are going to try to get in for a consultation then...and then possibly get rolling on a FET shortly after.  We were initially going to do the consult over the phones this time but I prefer to do them in person anyway.

So we are looking at an FET closer to the end of summer or beginning of fall! Honestly, that would be better anyway. The less we have to worry about winter roads/driving, the better. Especially since we will have Mason with us!

So now, we are just waiting to hear from our coordinator on the exact date of our consultation.

I'm learning to let go of the idea of getting back down to my lowest weight before all this goes a down. If I'm in good enough health to run a half marathon, screw the weight part!!! I just want to be strong enough to not be miserable if I do, by chance, get pregnant again.

Growing Boy, Running, and Work

I'm sitting here watching mason drink out of a beginner sippy cup and it's totally tripping me out!  Most of it is running down his chin but still, it's pretty amazing how fast these little ones learn things!  Makes me so proud!  I don't really wish for time to slow down because it's so amazing watching him learn new things!!! I may feel differently if I weren't going to try for another child! But I am soaking up every moment with him and not taking any of it for granted.  

In other news, I bought myself a pair of good running shoes!  I am still not released to run yet, but that's alright. I haaaate the treadmill and I'm not hardcore enough to run in the snow and 0 degree weather.  But I'm ready for when it starts to warm up a bit! Mostly doing weight training and PT right now. And making sure I'm fueling my body with the proper foods.  

If you know me, you know that patience is NOT one of my strong points.  So, naturally, I'm struggling with what feels like lack of progress.  It didn't happen fast before, either.  In fact, it took 4 years for me to lose 70 lbs.  I have 20 to go to get to my first goal.  And 30 to get to my lowest. But, ideally, I'd just like to get to my first goal before doing our FET.  

I usually don't place a lot of importance on the scale...however, I feel like it should have moved a little more than 5 lbs since having Mason. Especially with how careful I am with my nutrition and how consistent I am with working out.  So, yes. I am frustrated.  But, as usual, it won't keep me from keeping it up! I suppose it wouldn't be as rewarding if it were easy.  

But it is definitely getting old.  Especially when I hear about how so and so is tracking their calories and is losing massive weight.  What the hell do I have to do?! Cripes! Lol. Nah. It's all good. I'm just having a rough time I with it.  Maybe once I introduce running in addition to weight training, it'll help? Who knows?

Work stuff is going OK. I've been soooo busy with the tattooing that I haven't painted in nearly 3 months. Not good.  I mean, I suppose it's good but I miss painting. I hope the tattoos slow a bit so I can paint.  It's time!!!

Moving, Marathons and Big News?!

I had a great date with Garrett on Tuesday. I think we really needed one. Grandma and grandpa Zanto watched the boy and we went to Montana Club and also to Hastings to get Game of Thrones!!!  We chatted a lot at dinner about the possibility of moving to a small town before Mason goes to school.  It was nice because Garrett went to a small school and I went to a bigger one (Helena High) so we each had valuable points to make about the pros and con's.  I think we are leaning towards moving out to Highwood, which is where Garrett grew up.  There is plenty of time to decide.  So there's no rush... Unless Garretts childhood home goes on the market.  Then, if it is in our price range, we will jump on that!  I love that house!!!  And so does G. Plus, that's where we were married.

In other news, physical therapy is going well.  I've also been following the Chalean Extreme program.  It will go hand in hand with the physical therapy since it is primarily strength/weightlifting workouts.  Once I get through physical therapy, I'll shift my focus to running. Although, I'll keep lifting too.

Mason is finally feeling better!  I'm so glad because he was not a happy boy for a while!  He's gonna be 7 months here before we even know it!!!

I wasn't initially going to post this here...as I don't really want to be loud about this...but November 29th will be my first half marathon in Seattle.  And no, that's not what I don't want to be loud about! I already blabbed that all over FB. But the day after, November 30, we are shooting for a frozen embryo transfer while in Seattle.  I've already been in contact about it with our coordinator at Seattle Reproductive Medicine.  Mason will be almost 1.5 years old so I think it will be perfect if it works!

I'm already terrified.  But hopeful at the same time.

So anyway. That's my big news!  It's early to be thinking about this but as I've said I'm previous posts, you kind of have to when you are infertile! We are trying a bit earlier than we would like because in th case of a failed cycle, we have to save up all over again.  As of right now, we have $800 out of the $5000 we need. So that's a pretty good start.  But, again, we won't be able to just jump in to try another cycle if it fails! We'll have to start over saving again...which will probably take another year. So this is why we are choosing to jump into treatments a bit sooner.

If you are loyal to my blog, you have the privilege to this information and will be able to follow along...as I will not be
sharing it on FB.  =)

OK. That's all I've got for now!

Adjusting

I've been feeling rather disconnected recently.  Like I have no place amongst groups anymore.  And what I mean by that is before, I had an infertility group, an exercise partner/family, etc.  Now I feel like I don't belong anywhere.  It's probably a pretty normal feeling considering the circumstances but it's kind of unsettling to me. I don't really know of any mom groups where there isn't "mom wars" going on.  I sure as hell don't belong in a la leche league or any of the sorts.  My boobies aren't invited to those exclusive clubs.  My schedule does not really work for a lot of workout classes or my normal workout partner. So I work out alone. Plus, I won't be ready for the Spartan races in time so I won't be getting my trifecta with the rest of the god damn state.  

I suppose it's a good thing Mason is my world because without him and my hubs, it would be pretty lonely. 

I'm just going to keep working on my goals.  And I have a lot of them!  With over without support and/or help, I'll get there.  I'm planning on at least doing the Seattle half marathon.  I loathe running but I want to do something big before we start heading down the road of fertility treatments again.  

Plus, being a mom is very fulfilling! It may be time to move on from my life prior to Masers!  I had a lot of fun but things are just different, and that's not necessarily a bad thing! Kind of a bitter sweet, I suppose, as a lot of it were things to keep me afloat while I was treading the infertility waters. 

Now I have my little dude to occupy my time and keep me busy, my workouts that are my "me time" and my job on weekends.  Moving on isn't a bad thing, I guess!!!

Yay!!! Progress!!!

OK so just a little progress action. The top pic is a few weeks PP so I'm not sure if you want to include that or not but I'm throwing it in there for good measure.  Bottom pic was from like last week.

My weight has FINALLY moved!!! In the top 3 pics, I was at 189. In all of them. The bottom one is about 182.  So I'm slowly moving in the right direction, which is good because I won't let myself do an FET unless I'm in the 160's...preferably the 150's, which is what I was at pre pregnancy. I'm in the middle of PT now so no high intensity stuff for a bit so I'm focusing on strength training for now. But after, I plan on training for a half marathon in Seattle. November 29th so still plenty of time. But hopefully, that will give me a goal to shoot for.

Crib, Annual and Goals.

This is night #2 of transitioning Mason into his crib. He's slept in a rock and play up until this point. But he is trying to shoot himself pit of it now...I think mostly because he wants to sleep on his side or his tummy.  I'm not comfortable physically or mentally with the idea of cosleeping.  If its just him and I taking a nap then it's fine but our bed is not that big to accommodate all of us comfortably. Babies take up a lot of room. Perhaps down the road when I don't feel like I or G will smoosh him, he can come into bed with us. But for now, I think the best thing is his crib! 

Last night was a flop.  He slept in there for a few hours then woke up and would not settle back down. So into bed with me he went. But when G came to bed at 2am, Mason woke up and was wide awake! So him and I slept the rest of the night in the recliner.  We'll see how tonight goes. G has the baby monitor and I told him to just put M in bed with me for a while if he wakes up and doesn't settle back down. (G is a night owl, in case you haven't guessed that.  I, however, am in bed pretty early.)

Anyway, so I'm totally sobbing in bed because it's sinking in that my baby is already 6 months old!!!  And I am having separation anxiety. Lol. But don't get me wrong! I love that little man is learning stuff every day and stuff is getting so fun!!! And I have no illusions about how rocky those first few months were.  Not because of lack of sleep or anything like that. But because of the reflux. So I'm glad be are moving away from that a bit. I guess it's just the realization of just how fast time goes with a kid. People can tell you until you are blue in the face how fast it goes but it doesn't sink in until it's actually happing to you. 

But I love it.  I still love every second of being a mom. Even the tough moments.  I love my boy so much!  My heart feels like it may explode.

That being said, I'll move on. 

I had my annual today and chatted with Dr. M. about the rough timeline we have of trying to have another.  She mentioned how the next pregnancy will be as far as precautions and whatnot.  I soooo hope it's a better experience. I'm not even asking for much. Just a less tumultuous one. I don't even need to work out! If I could just walk. Or not be confined to a bed. 

If we are able to keep everything in check and stable, we are good candidates for a vbac. We could potentionally labor normally and give birth vaginally.  I hadn't really considered it but I suppose it makes sense! The reason for my cesarean last time was for my safety, not Mason's. My cervix was just too trashed, they didn't want to risk it! I'm not going to make any plans though.  I would love to deliver vaginally, but I think it's just going to a be a wait and see type of thing.  If it works that way, awesome! If not, cesarean it is. My goal is a healthy baby (and mama) so we'll just see how it plays out. I'm not going to obsess about it.  

I shouldn't even get ahead of myself.  We may not get to have another one. And if not, Mason is enough. He is my little miracle boy!!!  I would like to give him a sibling, though.  Another wait and see situation.  I still have goals to reach before I'll even consider a frozen embryo cycle.  I have at least 18 more pounds to lose.  And I want to get my strength back.  Then I'll consider it.  I start physical therapy again on Friday.  I'm a little nervous about my knee. I think everything else is a strength and/or muscle imbalance issue.  But my knee is locking up like it has shit floating around in there. I'm worried I won't be able to get my Spartan trifecta!  I guess I'll find out more on Friday.

I suppose that's it for now.  Just been being a mom, plugging away at my goals and tattooing on the weekends!  Don't have much to complain about these days.  My life is pretty effing amazing!!!!